Name: A Garbage Retrospective Of Halo
Uploaded: 2016-11-25T15:47:11.000Z
Duration: 12 min 9 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

That means it's allow to drink, according to Good Parents.

At MacWorld 1999, Halo was announced by the one and only Jesus Christ.

It was going to be a Mac exclusive and have dinosaurs.

But, then, Microsoft did a Microsoft and stole it.

The game was going to be on the Xbox One.

Yes, the console that was five percent box and ninety percent controller.

Halo: Combat Evolved has nine levels and one mental stability test.

The story's simple: in the year 2552, humans are at war with the Covenant...

and we are losing, which is bullshit–they are eight races; we are one, so they should be disqualified.

But that name is too generic for a main character, so he's called Master Chief.

The game starts with the boys in blue attacking our ship, so we leave the ship and land on the space ring, Halo.

There's this level, but it's boring, so we travel to the night level to find the ship's captain,

and he tells us that the aliens that speak American told him of an awesome beach.

So we go there to look for chicks, but instead, Master Chief finds Halo's map.

Then there's an awesome snow level, and here, we find out that the Covenant fucked up.

The Flood are intergalactic parasitic organi–zombies!

Now, we have to rescue the captain because he's still out there, looking for chicks.

A blue ball named 343 Guilty Spark tells us, to kill the Flood, we have to activate the ring.

Turns out the rings were build by an ancient alien race called the Forerunners–

short for, "Before Runners," because they never invented running–

The Forerunner fought the Flood and didn't stand a chance because guess what the Flood could do?

Too lazy to come up with a good solution, they built rings that could end all life in the Universe.

That's right, George. You forgot to check the Milky Way!

So she's like, "This AI was made in America, baby! Let's blow up this ring!"

The only way to blow it up is to punch the captain, who is now a tree, in the face.

Analyzing... we have five minutes before the fusion drive detonates!

♪ Da-da-da-daaaaaa da! Da-da-da-daaaaaaa da! Da-da-da– ♪

That was the best game ever, and back then, I was worried that there wouldn't be a sequel

because I was too stupid to understand capitalism.

Halo 2: Combat Evolved begins directly after the book, Halo: First Strike.

In it, Chief has to travel from Halo to Earth.

But how will he get through security with all those weapons?

A soldier took a selfie and one of them said, "Hey, I know that place!"

This is the Arbiter. He was in charge of protecting this thing.

Then the Covenant invade Earth and we, the humans, beat the shit out of them.

But one cruiser gets through and attacks, uh... Kenya?!

Then, like most tourists, they transport the city to another side of the Universe, and we follow.

Here, they discover a brand new Combat Evolved.

He has been tasked by the Covenant Prophet leaders to kill some rebels.

They had been led astray by 343, just like all those people online.

To blow up the other Halo ring, Master Chief had to punch a captain in the face,

so he tries the same strategy here, but it doesn't work.

And, then... I'm not going to make the obvious joke.

Covenant releases the Flood again, and the Prophets decide that the Arbiter and his kind

are too competent and good at fighting, so they betray them.

The subtitle for Halo 2 should be, "Covenant Keeps Fucking Up."

They meet Gravemind, who is part-time leader of the Flood, and part-time motivational coach.

So, he sends the Arbiter to achieve his dream of saving the galaxy,

and he sends Master Chief to achieve his dream of punching the Covenant Prophets in the face.

The game ends with the Prophets' Truth being on a ship to Earth,

and Master Chief saying, "Sir, finishing this–"

Halo 2 was the first game with matchmaking.

Before matchmaking, you'd be a regular at the server and be forced to meet that one guy.

But, with a new system, you can meet a new that-one-guy every single day,

yet it also united us.  It doesn't matter what country you are from, because on every corner of this blue planet,

It had the biggest game launch of all time,

and it kept that title for less than a year.

The game got amazing scores from everyone, except New York Times,

but I wouldn't give their city a nine, either.

Halo 3 begins with Master Chief crash-landing on Earth, and then he dies.

Then that repeats several times because he had a bad checkpoint.

The Prophet Truth is on Earth, and he's looking for the Ark,

a halo remote detonator the size of Jupiter,

Really? Again, you're not gonna find it in–

We go off after him so we can finish the fight.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

A Garbage Retrospective Of Halo

awesome

bunch

pretend

strategy