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Hi!
So the other day I was listening to music with a friend who asked,
"How tall do you think Taylor Swift is?"
Uh, like two meters?
You think?
She looks pretty tall. Maybe three meters?
What? Nobody is 3 meters. That's like over 9 feet.
I take it back. Two meters. I wanna go back to two meters.
How tall is Taylor Swift?
Taylor Swift is 1.78 meters tall.
Aye, that's kind of what I thought.
Who the fuck measured Taylor Swift?!
I don't know. They have the heights of a whole bunch of people. See?
Ariana Grande, Calvin Harris, Karlie Kloss...
Give me that!
How tall is George Clooney?
George Clooney is 1.8 meters tall
How tall is Oprah?
Oprah Winfrey is 1.69 meters tall
How tall is Adele?
Adele is 1.75 meters tall.
WHO ARE YOU? WHO MEASURES PEOPLE?
Hyacinth Cook is a professional height data collector.
From her studio apartment, she runs a small business "Height Helpers".
Providing celebrity heights to clients, such as Google, the National Security Agency, Interpol, and Grant.
I just like knowing people's heights.
I guess I knew from the first moment, that I asked myself, "how tall is Brad Pitt?"
Like if we would ever date, would I be too tall next to him if I wore high heels to like a premiere?
And I thought to myself, this is a question that other people must be asking.
So I started to collect heights. His was my first.
He would always be my first.
When I first started, it was very old school.
I would wait outside the stage door,
and I would pretend to ask them for an autograph.
And while they were signing, I'd be measuring them and, you know, that's how I first started.
And in my first year, I collected 1,473 celebrity heights.
And that was great.
I started to develop more advanced skills
Oh shit, wrong person.
- Oh my god! Are you okay? -There.
Good.
Okay. Alright.
And all of that aside, it felt sort of normal just to be asking Google, "How tall people were."
That's not normal. Just because they're celebrities, that's not okay.
I mean imagine if I collected heights of my friends.
Hey Nat, can I borrow a piece of paper of this? I just wanna write stuff down. My phone's outta battery.
Well, you're already writing in it, so it's not really asking...
And you can't return it if you're... it's not really borrowing if you can't return it.
It's awkward. I wasn't thinking about it anyways.
What is this?
Oh, that's everyone's height. Don't write on that page. That's important.
What do you mean? WHAT?
It's everyone's height! I write down everyone's height, so I know.
But what is this for? Like what are you going to use this for?
It's just so I know! So if you're like, "Hey, how tall do you think Amanda is?"
I'll be like "Amanda is 5'1' when she's lying down in her bed."
How would you know...? You know, Amanda said you're a weirdo and I'm starting to believe her.
Amanda said that?!
Yah. She said you're weird.
What is that?
This is another list.
(IT'S TIME FOR: AMANDA)
You don't need to know about it.
But now that you do...
(SUSPICIOUS LIST: KRISTIN)
Well what's that list?
Stop making lists!
The only time I think you really need to know height, is in a crime situation.
Hi Natalie, I understand you've had a home invasion here today,
and you saw the man leaving the building.
Okay, I'm Sergeant Merralis, you can call me Judy.
And that's constable Jacobson, you can call him Jeff.
Hey Jeff!
Hi Judy.
Hey!
Hey.
How are you?
Good! How are you?
I'm good.
Okay, I'm sorry I didn't bring my pad of papers, so I'm just gonna borrow a sheet from here if that's okay.
Yah, I mean, it's not really asking if you're already writing; it's not really borrowing if you can't return... I wasn't thinking about it.
Alright, so, tell me, did you see the face of the man at all?
Uh, no.
And what did he take?
He took some cash that was in my key box, and some earrings from my jewelry box.
They didn't take my DVD/VCR combo thing, which is kind of crazy.
Maybe they thought it was just a VCR or just a DVD?
But it's DVD AND VCR. Like it does both.
Um, but that was it, really.
Okay. And did you get his height?
It's funny cuz you keep referring to them as a "he", but it could've been a she. I mean, burglars can be shes'.
I'm sorry. Was it a she?
Oh no. Like it was a guy anyway. So it doesn't matter.
Um, maybe like two meters?
You think?
He was pretty tall. Maybe three?
Nobody is 3 meters, that's over 9 feet tall.
Two. I take it back. Let's go back to two. Two meters.
Anyways. This video isn't very relatable, is it?
Nope.
Oh well. What's the internet for if not to steal your time and make you angry.
Smart people like "there's a lot of other uses for information.'
SHUT UP smart people!
Anyway, I apologize for not making a video last week.
Oh, I didn't even notice.
I seriously have other things to do. I can't just sit around waiting for you to upload a video.
Oh, you didn't notice? Yah, I didn't notice either.
I only mentioned it because like, I thought you mentioned it.
But you brought it up...
SHUT YOUR FACE! You should shut your face right now!!
Alright! It's porno music / comment time.
I'm gonna make these much shorter now, and dedicate more time to comments in separate videos.
But I'm very sad to hear so many of you kill flies.
I've talked to you guys about this. You can't kill bugs and insects.
Their families will see you and they will come and murder you in your sleep.
I know this cuz I speak to bugs. And no you will never get your four minutes back.
Because I ate them all.
I ate all your minutes. HAHAHAHA.
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Who Measured Taylor Swift?

15972 Folder Collection
Kristi Yang published on October 14, 2016
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