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  • The things that get us (and others) sexually excited often sound rather improbable and mysterious.

  • Yet, beneath the surface, many of our erotic enthusiams are motivated by something very touching

  • and very sane: a desire for total closeness.

  • Take BDSM. There's huge pressure in our society to be independent and strong,

  • and yet inside us, some of us are deeply attracted to, and therefore also turned on by,

  • the counterbalancing thought of throrough passivity and submission,

  • as a form of escape from the over-strenuous demands of grown-up life.

  • The wish to be a ‘slavemeans that someone else will know exactly what you should do,

  • and take all choice away from you.

  • This could sound appalling because most slave owners we can imagine (indeed most authority figures) are pretty awful.

  • We so badly want to be independent,

  • in part because there doesn’t seem to be anyone around nice enough to deserve our weaker selves.

  • But the deeper hope, which can come out in sex, is that we would be with someone

  • who could be worthy of our complete loyalty and devotion.

  • As for the dominant partner, there's an analogous dynamic at work.

  • Modern life generally demands extreme politeness and restraint.

  • We have to keep our bossiness in check.

  • But in our hearts, we might think we know exactly what someone else really needs.

  • We might like to be quite bossy, and enforce absolute obedience.

  • We just lack the necessary authority and power in the real world.

  • So the exciting fantasy is that someone will at last acknowledge our strength and wisdom,

  • will recognize our talents and will put us wholly in charge of them.

  • No more need for skepticism about who we are,

  • and therefore no more restraint, no more need to hold our tongue.

  • The games of submission and domination offer opportunities to investigate wishes,

  • but are far from being simply peculiar, pointless or even slightly demented.

  • They offer brief utopian interludes in which we can, with a rare and real friend,

  • safely cast off our normal defenses,

  • and share and satisfy our longings for extreme closeness and mutual acceptance

  • which is the real, psychologically routed reason why these games are so exciting.

The things that get us (and others) sexually excited often sound rather improbable and mysterious.

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B1 closeness bdsm submission restraint slave authority

The Pleasures of BDSM

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    羅紹桀 posted on 2016/08/08
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