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  • No. BDSM- wait? I don't know what the D stands for. Domi-? Do you not know just because your

  • mom is sitting right next to you? *Laughs* Bondage something sadomasochism. There's a

  • lot of leather, I feel like. BDSM has quite a few terms. For example the B and D can be

  • bondage and discipline, the D and the S can stand for dominance and submission, and then

  • the S and the M stand for sadomasochism or sadism and masochism. So yes, as you may have

  • guessed with all of this BDSM talk, I just finished the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, and

  • so what qualifies as BDSM has been on my mind. Because honestly, compared to one episode

  • of Dan Savage's Stranger Podcast, the 50 books were pretty tame. I think people just want

  • to assume that into vanilla sex, but if you're doing something beyond just intercourse then

  • that can fall into the BDSM umbrella. Even the act of wearing a fetishized piece of clothing

  • like- how many women have not bought a pair of shoes exclusively for, for their partner?

  • I mean, Amy Winehouse even has a song about it "F*ck-Me Shoes." A lot of the Black people

  • that I know that read the book weren't impressed. They were like "what's the big deal?" So in

  • some way they may have already been restrained during sexual activity and didn't feel that

  • it was grandiose, and a lot of my white counterparts felt differently. How did they feel? It was

  • the most amazing thing they had ever read, I've never heard of anything like this- I

  • mean, that's just the exposure thing I guess cause- even if you didn't know what BDSM was

  • specifically, as a woman I've been restrained by a man before. So whether your sex life

  • already includes aspects of BDSM, or you want it to, one thing that's important to remember

  • is the difference between what Anastasia and Christian were into, and abuse. Do you think

  • BDSM can ever cross the line into abuse? It can. BDSM practices can absolutely cross the

  • line into abuse. But there's a phrase that's commonly used called "safe, sane, and consensual:"

  • you always have to be safe, you should be sane, and there has to be mutual consent.

  • If there isn't, then that's a problem. There's really extreme forms of play that people could

  • never imagine being sexually gratifying. But they are as long as the couple is two consenting

  • adults. Obviously there has been a stunted conversation- these conversations have not

  • been allowed to foster around what is a healthy relationship? What is a healthy sexuality?

  • What is etc. etc.? What is healthy consent? Right? How do we move beyond "No Means No"

  • to get into something deeper, to get into proactive consent, to get into tons of different

  • levels regardless of the content of the two people getting together, because we're still

  • having these same conversations. Regardless of what you're into, consent seems to be the

  • theme here. But, once you've gone through that conversation: apron, nothing underneath,

  • high heels, by the sink "go make my dinner." Anything's possible.

No. BDSM- wait? I don't know what the D stands for. Domi-? Do you not know just because your

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