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  • SULFYA JOHNSON! COME ON NOW

  • THAT'S ME!

  • AND LORRAINE SWANSON, COME ON DOWN!

  • HA HA HA HA!

  • EVENTUALLY YOU'LL BE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON... "THE PRICE IS RIGHT"

  • AND HERE IS THE STAR OF OUR SHOW,

  • BOB BARKER!

  • HELLO, AND WELCOME TO AMERICA'S LONGEST-RUNNING GAME SHOW.

  • THANK GOODNESS FOR SHUT-INS AND WELFARE MOMS.

  • WELCOME BACK, ROD RODDY, WE MISS YOU.

  • THANKS, BOB.

  • OF ALL THE GUYS AT THAT REST STOP,

  • WHO KNEW HE WAS THE SHERIFF'S SON?

  • JUST KIDDING, BOB.

  • I KNEW HE WAS THE SHERIFF'S SON.

  • OF COURSE YOU DID, ROD RODDY.

  • AND AWAY WE GO!

  • GOD, THEM ARE CUTE!

  • WHAT?

  • SAY, HOW DO YOU GET THEM TO JIGGLE LIKE THAT? (OH)

  • DID YOU EAT A LOT OF JELL-O WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?

  • [LAUGHS] I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

  • I DON'T GOT ANY OF THAT GOING ON.

  • HUH?

  • CRIPES, I GO FOR A SPEED WALK AROUND THE LAKE,

  • I JUST FLING MINE RIGHT 'kER THE SHOULDER AND AWAY I GO.

  • ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST TAKE A LOOK AT OUR FIRST ITEM UP FOR BID.

  • Audience: OOH!

  • Rod: FROM SEARS CRAFTSMAN,

  • IT'S THE BIG-BLOWER LEAF BLOWER,

  • WITH A POWERFUL, LIGHTWEIGHT DESIGN

  • THAT WILL BLOW YOU AWAY.

  • AND IT COULD BE YOURS

  • IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

  • WHY DON'T YOU START THE BIDDING THERE, SOLDIER?

  • UM, BOB, I'M NOT A SOLDIER.

  • I JUST HAVE A SEXUAL FETISH FOR UNIFORMS.

  • UM, I BET, UH, $400.

  • $400 IT IS.

  • ZYLPHIA--

  • THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.

  • THANK YOU, BOB.

  • I WAS NAMED AFTER AN ANTIBIOTIC.

  • I--I BID--

  • OKAY, HELP ME OUT, Y'ALL. WHAT SHOULD I BID?

  • [AUDIENCE SHOUTS OUT PRICES]

  • ALL RIGHT! BOB!

  • BOB--

  • BOB, OK--

  • I'LL BID $58,000.

  • UNIQUE STRATEGY. LORRAINE--

  • LORRAINE--

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  • STOP. YOU CAN'T GO OVER THERE.

  • WELL, JUST HOLD YOUR SPAYED AND NEUTERED HORSES, BOB.

  • I GOTTA GET--

  • HA HA HA HA.

  • I GOA HAVE AT THIS HUMMER.

  • LET'S SEE WHAT SHE'S GOT.

  • [LEAF BLOWER STARTS]

  • STOP!

  • Bob: LORRAINE, NO!

  • IT'S ALL RIGHT.

  • LORRAINE!

  • LORRAINE, STOP IT!

  • STOP IT!

  • TURN THAT THING OFF!

  • TURN THAT THING OFF!

  • TURN IT OFF!

  • [LEAF BLOWER STOPS]

  • HA HA, SHE'S GOT--

  • HA HA HA HA.

  • LORRAINE...

  • LORRAINE, I NEED YOU TO GET BACK TO CONTESTANT'S ROW

  • SO WE CAN GET YOUR BID.

  • WELL, I CAN TELL YOU MY BID RIGHT HERE, BOB.

  • THAT BEAUT'S 159.47.

  • NOT A PENNY MORE, NOT A PENNY LESS. HA HA.

  • ALL RIGHT, FINE. WE'LL SEE.

  • YEAH.

  • AND THE ACTUAL RETAIL PRICE IS...

  • HA HA.

  • IT'S $159.47. JUST LIKE YOU SAID. (YEAH.)

  • [BELL RINGS]

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • CONGRATULATIONS TO LORRAINE. SHE WON.

  • HA HA HA HA.

  • [AUDIENCE CHEERS]

  • GOD, YOU'RE TAN.

  • THANK YOU.

  • SAY, YOU KNOW,

  • WITH YOUR DARK SKIN AND YOUR WHITE HAIR, BOB,

  • YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE A NEGATIVE.

  • YOU KNOW, I TRIED SOME OF THAT TAN-IN-A-CAN, BOB,

  • I ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE A OOMPA LOOMPA. HA HA.

  • GOD, THOSE SUM BITCHES SCARED THE CRAP OUT ME.

  • OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPETY

  • HA HA HA HA.

  • [HUMS THE OOMPA LOOMPA SONG]

  • THAT'S FA--

  • THAT'S FASCINATING, LORRAINE.

  • WE'RE JUST GONNA--

  • WHAT MOVIE WAS THAT, ANYWAY? WI--W--

  • I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE.

  • WONKA'S WILLIE? OR--HUH?

  • WILLIE WONKA.

  • WILLIE WONKA.

  • ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST PLAY THE GAME.

  • Bob: THIS ONES CALLED, PRICE TAG SWITCHEROO. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY?

  • YOU'LL GET 45 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

  • YEAH, 45 SECONDS, GO AHEAD. START THE CLOCK.

  • RIGHT PRICE WITH--

  • RIGHT PRICE. SWITCHEROO!

  • SWITCHEROO! HA HA HA!

  • HA HA HA HA!

  • WHAT AM I GONNA WIN THOUGH, BOB?

  • HUH?

  • ALL RIGHT, ROD RODDY,

  • TELL THE OLD LADY WHAT SHE'S PLAYING FOR.

  • Rod: IT'S HIS AND HER SCOOTERS!

  • [AUDIENCE] OOH!

  • YOU'LL BE THE TALK OF THE TOWN WITH THESE PRETTIES FROM APRILIA.

  • RETAIL PRICE, $2,700 AND--

  • 98.99.

  • [SOFTLY] 98.99.

  • LORRAINE, SWITCH THOSE PRICE TAGS.

  • BRING UP THE CLOCK, AND GO!

  • DONE!

  • UNBELIEVABLE!

  • THAT'S A NEW PRICE IS RIGHT RECORD, EVERYBODY.

  • YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LOSE, BOB.

  • [SCOOTER STARTS]

  • HA HA HA.

  • ALL RIGHT, WE'LL CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE.

  • WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE FUN AND EXCITEMENT ON...

  • THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

SULFYA JOHNSON! COME ON NOW

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