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  • Yep-ep-ep-ep

  • Between both of us,

  • we've gotten more press over tripping and falling

  • than anyone in history.

  • I know, I know.

  • I fell in every single city on the press tour

  • I fell around the world.

  • I fell around the world, and have the bruises.

  • Yeah, hahaha.

  • And people think it's a schtick but it's not

  • Well, yeah.

  • That's what.. I was doing another talk show

  • that I won't mentioned

  • Wow, please, we're the only one that exists.

  • And I was like waving to the audience

  • And they wanted to talk about falling

  • but I don't wanna do it

  • cause I'm afraid people will think it's like a schtick

  • and it actually makes me kind of mad when it happens.

  • Oh, it's not fun to fall.

  • It's not fun, it's embarrassing.

  • And now at this point, it's so embarrassing

  • and so I was like 'No, I don't want to talk about it'

  • and then, I came out and waved to the audience

  • like 'Oh, hi!'

  • And then my heel slipped, I didn't fall but I had like a..

  • And I made em cut it out of the show!

  • Yeah, everyone's like 'hahaha, we got you again!'

  • And you'll never know which show it was!

  • ' You fall all the time!'

  • Yesterday on the plane, I spilled yogurt all over the plane.

  • and the whole plane smelled like sour milk the whole time

  • You're welcome

  • You're fun to hang out!

  • Yeah, haha!

  • I'm just concerned, I just don't want you to be hurt.

  • I'm a good babysitter.

  • No, my god, you are so fun to hang out.

  • People trust me with kids.

  • You are so fun.

  • Do you remember when we hung out once,

  • and we embarrassed ourselves in front of Jennifer Lopez?

  • Oh yeah, I remember.

  • Because we wanted her to dance with us

  • She wouldn't.

  • and she just wouldn't dance with us.

  • Yeah.

  • I think everybody thinks that they've witnessed

  • my most embarrassing moments

  • cause I fell on my face getting an Oscar

  • and then I fell the next year on a cone

  • Hahaha!

  • audience laughing

  • But like,

  • there are these two really humiliating stories

  • that are my most embarrassing moments

  • that I never talked about

  • because it is so genuinely embarrassing

  • But now I feel like

  • the statue of limitations on humiliation is up, and I'm ready.

  • Which one, let's get us to hear one of them.

  • My most embarrassing moment um was

  • during Silver Linings year, like awards season

  • it was one of those parties like HU HU HU HU.

  • Yeah!

  • And so I'm just like in a corner drinking champaign like ERR.

  • An older woman approached me and was being really really nice

  • really complimentary

  • and in my head I just went, 'This is Elizabeth Taylor!'

  • who was dead at the time

  • who's still dead

  • Sorry, she's since passed, I didn't know that

  • and so the older woman was just talking to me

  • I was like 'Oh my god, this is Elizabeth Taylor!'

  • No, no! Oh my god!

  • But you didn't say anything, did you?

  • Yeah, so she's complimenting me

  • She is complimenting me

  • I was like 'me?! No, it's you!'

  • 'Your movies that I can't name,

  • and your fashion moments that I don't know!'

  • I was like, 'You are unbelievable!'

  • And then my friend walked by and I grabbed her

  • and I was like, 'This is Elizabeth Taylor!!'

  • and she was like. '.....No it's not.'

  • Hahahaha!

  • And I just took off running

  • There have been two social situations where I just like go 'Uh!'

  • And then I just sprinted and my shoes fell off and I hid behind like this wall.

  • Yeah, there's smoke coming out off your shoes

  • like 'Wooooo, bye Elizabeth!'

  • Yeah, no it's not her!

  • Second,

  • cause I really really wanna plow through these things

  • and get them over with

  • No, we like hearing these things

  • Um, I always talk so fast

  • cause I'm used to my brothers just being like

  • 'Finish! Finish! Shut up!'

  • No, please.

  • I feel like nobody wants to hear me talk.

  • I wanna hear, I wanna hear.

  • Here.

  • audience laughing

  • Yogurt just came out of your nose.

  • Hahaha

  • Oh my god, so much phlegm

  • Oh my god, hahaha, tell me the other...

  • And this isn't even an embarrassing moment for me

  • No, this is fun!

  • I got a lot of phlegm. This is normal

  • Yeah, phlegm is cool

  • Whatever.

  • Umm, so I'm in Paris for the first time.

  • again for movies and fufufu

  • and so I was in like one of those cool Tom Ford dresses with the zips

  • and everything

  • Sure.

  • And I saw Francis Ford Coppola

  • but it actually was Francis Ford Coppola

  • Haha, it really was him.

  • Maybe you just keep hanging out in like wax museums

  • so 'I was hanging out with Abraham Lincoln,

  • he was by George Washington, he was there too

  • I had tea with the pope

  • I was the only drinking

  • I was the only one who had tea

  • It really was Francis Ford Coppola

  • It really was Francis Ford Coppola

  • Godfather, I mean, come on he is popular

  • Yeah, so I was like debated the whole time

  • like 'Do I go up to him? Do I not go up....'

  • And then finally

  • I was like, 'I have to or l'll regret it for the rest of my life'

  • And this is at a restaurant?

  • At a restaurant in Paris, and he's with

  • a giant group of people and they take out most of the...

  • I mean, it's a huge table of people.

  • And I started walking, and I noticed I was barefoot

  • but I was like 'Umm, maybe they probably won't notice'

  • and so I'm barefoot

  • And then I introduced myself, and I was like 'I'm such a huge fan of Godfather! Wow'

  • and went on and introduced myself to the whole table like,

  • 'hi, I'm Jennifer Lawrence,' and they had no idea who I was.

  • Went back to my table, my entire dress was unzipped

  • and my thong was out.

  • audience laughing

  • So i was barefoot and my whole ass was out

  • audience laughing

  • Does that just happen? I didn't know that happened with dresses

  • It was like.... I don't know

  • The side.

  • Yeah, I was making room for my gut

  • and I unzipped the whole thing then forgot

  • so I thought it was the shoes that were gonna be the problem

  • You thought they were impressed with meeting you

  • -and then I walk away  -and they were like

  • equally impressive!

  • Yeah, they were like: wow, hey! That's fantastic

  • What a jerk!

  • Hahahaha!

  • They thought the whole was a joke

  • We always talk about... I met... my worst moment

  • I met Clark Davis

  • so I'll make this quick.

  • I saw him again at a big table.

  • Hurry, hurry, hurry.

  • Yeah, he was at a table he was sitting there

  • i should say Hi. it's Clive Davis

  • so I went over and there's a big table with a group of people

  • I went over and 'Hi, Clark, I'm Jimmy Fallon.'

  • And then he goes like.....

  • So I go 'Does he want me to kiss him on the cheek?'

  • so I went and I kissed him

  • And he was like 'WHAT?'

  • and I go 'What?'

  • And this is whoever he was with was like, 'He couldn't hear what you are saying.'

  • I was like 'Oh....' Hahahaha

  • Hold on, I'm so sorry

  • I kissed him and I never met him or talked to him ever again

Yep-ep-ep-ep

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