Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • >> Stephen: WELCOME!

  • THANK YOU!

  • >> Stephen: I WILL GET BACK TO THE MOVIE IN JUST A SECOND.

  • DO YOU PICK UP THE GUN?

  • DOES JENNIFER PICK UP THE GUN?

  • >> I'D LOVE TO.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CUT THROAT TO ANYBODY?

  • >> I WOULD GO THROUGH A LOT OF REGULATIONS BEFORE DOING IT.

  • AND IF I WAS ON A NO-FLY LIST, I WOULD NOT.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

  • YOU ARE KNOWN AS ONE OF THE MOST RELATABLE PEOPLE OUT THERE.

  • >> HE SAYS ON TELEVISION.

  • >> Stephen: NO, IT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

  • I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE OVER THE YEARS WHO ARE

  • PROFESSIONALLY FAMOUS AND SUPPOSEDLY RELATABLE.

  • BUT YOU ACTUALLY SEEM LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

  • >> OH, THANK YOU!

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU ENJOY BEING A HUMAN BEING?

  • >> I DO, YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT PERFECT.

  • >> NO.

  • WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

  • >> Stephen: NO, I'M SAYING YOU DON'T MIND SEEMING LIKE YOU'RE

  • NOT PERFECT.

  • >> I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

  • >> Stephen: YOU COULD.

  • PEOPLE HAVE PUBLICISTS.

  • >> OH, I DO.

  • >> Stephen: ARE YOU NICE FOR YOUR PUBLICIST?

  • >> NO.

  • I DON'T THINK SO.

  • SHE'S A NIGHTMARE.

  • (LAUGHTER) I'M KIDDING.

  • I HAVE BEEN WITH HER SINCE I WAS 16.

  • >> Stephen: REALLY?

  • YEAH.

  • WE'RE LIKE SISTERS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU ARE HERE WITH YOUR FOLKS TONIGHT.

  • >> I KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S SO NICE.

  • THEIR FLIGHT GOT DELAYED.

  • SORRY.

  • I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM, ANYWAY.

  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 45 SECONDS AND I FEEL LIKE

  • I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT ATTACK YOU.

  • >> I HAVE BEEN DROPPED BY MY PUBLICIST, MY PARENTS WILL BE

  • GONE BY THE TIME I GET BACK THERE.

  • THEY'RE FROM KENTUCKY.

  • >> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE FROM KENTUCKY, TOO.

  • >> I AM.

  • HAD A DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A SOUTHERN ACCENT, I

  • COULDN'T GET OUT OF IT AND I WAS ON SET.

  • AND I'M, LIKE, I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY ACCENT, I DON'T KNOW WHY!

  • BECAUSE I LOST IT WHEN I WAS A TEENAGE SNORE WHEN DOES IT COME

  • BACK?

  • >> I AM TOLD BY BOYFRIENDS WHEN I'M YELLING, AND THEN PROBABLY

  • MAYBE WHEN I'M DRINKING.

  • BUT I DON'T THINK I HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

  • >> Stephen: NO, YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE ONE.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE FROM DISTRICT 12.

  • >> WHAT'S THAT I?

  • >> Stephe >> Stephen: I HAVEN'T THE

  • SLIGHTEST IDEA.

  • I'M A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN.

  • WHY WOULD I KNOW?

  • THAT'S KIND OF CREEPY.

  • (APPLAUSE) THE NEW MOVIE YOU'RE DOING WITH

  • DAVIDO RUGSLE, THIS IS YOUR THIRD MOVIE, RIGHT?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S HE LIKE TO WORK WITH AS A DIRECTOR?

  • IS HE A TUMPY-FEELY, LET'S GET TO KNOW YOU KIND OF DIRECTOR OR

  • A SHOUTY DIRECTOR?

  • >> NO, HE SHOUTS BUT NEVER IN ANGER.

  • HE'S JUST BIG AND ANIMATED BUT HE NEVER SHOUTS FROM ANGER.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE THAT THAN OTHER DIRECTORS WHO COME IN

  • AND SAY, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK?

  • >> NO, I WORK MUCH BETTER WITH HIM BECAUSE I GREW UP WITH

  • SPORTS.

  • IT'S MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S, THAT'S BAD!

  • BE BETTER!

  • INSTEAD OF, I FEEL LIKE THE CHARACTER -- I'M JUST, DO YOU

  • WANT ME TO TALK LOUDER, SLOWER --

  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO HUNKER DOWN AND GO DOWN AND OUT AND I

  • WILL HIT YOU!

  • >> YEAH, EXACTLY.

  • GET THIS RIGHT OR WE DON'T BREAK FOR LUNCH, YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: YOUR KENTUCKY ACCENT JUST CAME BACK.

  • WHEN YOU DO SPORTS IT COMES BACK.

  • (LAUGHTER) YOU'RE PLAYING A GUY -- A GUY.

  • YOU'VE GOT THAT RANGE.

  • (LAUGHTER) JOY MANGANO, RIGHT?

  • WHO INVENTED THE MIRACLE MOP.

  • (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: IS THAT A TRUE

  • SNERN.

  • >> YES, BASED ON JOY MANGANO.

  • IT'S LOOSELY BASED ON HER LIFE BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT TO DO A

  • STRAIGHT BIOGRAPHICAL BUT ALL THE CRAZY PARTS ARE BASED ON HER

  • AND HER LIFE.

  • >> Stephen: SHE MAKES MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OFF THIS INVENTION.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: SUPER RICH.

  • YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF ANYTHING TO INVENT?

  • >> TAPING YOUR APPLE TV THE REMOTE TO A WOODEN SPOON DEVICE,

  • DISCUSS THAT COUNT?

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, SURE DOES.

  • THEN YES.

  • >> Stephen: WOW.

  • WE ONLY HAVE 60 LEFT.

  • CALL NOW.

  • (LAUGHTER) ROBERT DE NIRO IS IN THIS.

  • HE WILL BE MY GUEST WEDNESDAY.

  • ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANTED TO ASK HIM BUT DIDN'T

  • HAVE THE JUEVOS TO ASK HIM?

  • >> HE'S A SOFT SPEAKER.

  • I SPEND THE WHOLE TIME SAYING, WHAT?!

  • WHAT?!

  • HE MAKES ME LOOK LIKE THE OLD ONE.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S AN ACTOR'S TRICK.

  • >> I KNOW.

  • BUT I THINK IT'S REALISM.

  • ASK HIM IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN HIS CUCUMBER MARTINI BETWEEN

  • SHAKEN AND COLD.

  • THAT IS WHAT HE SAYS -- REALLY, REALLY, EXTREMELY, VERY COLD.

  • AND EVERY TIME HE ORDERS THEM, IT'S, LIKE, CAN YOU FEEL THE

  • DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING SHAKEN IN ICE AND BEING SHAKEN IN ICE

  • FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER?

  • IT'S WHY I DON'T INTERVIEW PEOPLE, IT'S A TERRIBLE

  • QUESTION.

  • I DON'T KNOW.

  • CAN WE QUIT TALKING ABOUT ME?

  • >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.

  • I CAN'T THINK OF MY QUESTIONS!

  • (LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: YOU AND AMY

  • SHIEWMER ARE BUDDIES.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: SHE SAYS SHE LOVES BEING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE

  • THE IDEAL HOTTEST VERSION OF HER SHE CAN THINK OF.

  • >> IT'S, LIKE, YOU'RE NOT UGLY ENOUGH AND I'M NOT HOT ENOUGH TO

  • PULL THESE JOKES OFFER.

  • AND SHE'S, LIKE, I KNOW I'M GORGEOUS, BUT I DO IT IN

  • STANDUP, AND IT WORKS.

  • I'M, LIKE, I DON'T THINK IT MAKES SINCE.

  • SHE HAS A SWEET LITTLE ASS, A GREAT (BLEEP).

  • >> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE PERSON.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: BUT, AGAIN, YOU'RE WILLING TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

  • THAT ARE UNGLAMOROUS.

  • YOU WILLING TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT AREN'T GLAMOROUS.

  • LIKE I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT VERY SICK MAKING THIS FILM.

  • >> I DID.

  • I GOT A STOMACH VIRUS.

  • I WAS PUKING.

  • I HAD TO MAKE OUT WITH SOMEBODY.

  • (AUDIENCE REACTS) AND I WOULD START PUKING AND DO

  • MOUTHWASH AND BE, LIKE, ARE YOU READY?

  • LICKING MY CHOPS -- >> Stephen: THAT'S HOW YOU WIN

  • A GOLDEN GLOBE.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> I'M A BIG-TIME PUKE SNORER.

  • >> Stephen: REALLY?

  • YEAH, I'M LIKE A SHOW PONEY.

  • I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE AND I KEEP GOING UNTIL MY BODY IS LIKE IF

  • WE DON'T MAKE HER BARK OR PASS OUT, SHE WON'T STOP.

  • I GET LINDSEY LOHAN-GRADE EXHAUSTION BUT WITHOUT ANY DRUGS

  • OR ALCOHOL.

  • I'M ALWAYS IN BED EARLY.

  • >> Stephen: ANYTHING WE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO IN THE NEXT FEW

  • MINUTES?

  • >> I NEVER KNOW.

>> Stephen: WELCOME!

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it