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  • - Okay. - [exhales]

  • - If you aim for my face, you'll hit the apple.

  • - Mm-hmm.

  • - No, higher.

  • - Like that? - No.

  • Ian, higher.

  • - Okay, I can't concentrate if you keep talking.

  • - Well, if you hit me in the vagina again,

  • I'm gonna kick your ass.

  • - Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay, ready?

  • - Yeah. - And fire!

  • - [exclaims]

  • - Aww, what?

  • [scoffs] - Why?

  • - See, this is why we test out the tee-shirt cannon

  • before we fire it at children.

  • - Okay, well...

  • - Come on, you stupid-- [groans]

  • [crash]

  • Oh!

  • - [sighs]

  • Lori's gonna kill us.

  • [paper fluttering]

  • - Think we could bribe her?

  • - [chuckles]

  • [playful music]

  • - [man singing] This is America

  • Land of dreams

  • Everyone can climb higher

  • - [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

  • 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

  • - [man singing] You can do anything

  • - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

  • - [man singing] And you can go anywhere

  • - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

  • - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

  • - [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

  • - [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

  • With full-time dreams

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

  • Bad as it seems

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Whoa

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Oh

  • Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

  • - Are you out of your minds?

  • - Something tells me she's not gonna take the bribe.

  • - I'm not gonna take the money and neither are you.

  • It's laundered.

  • - [sniffs]

  • Doesn't smell like detergent.

  • - Ella, go hide the money until I can figure out

  • who it belongs to.

  • You were messing around with that damn tee-shirt cannon

  • again, weren't you?

  • - No.

  • There's holes.

  • Just falling through the ceiling.

  • Just get it fixed, Lori!

  • [snapping] Jeez!

  • [video games whirring and dinging]

  • Come on. Why can't we keep the cash?

  • - It's dirty money.

  • It could be drugs, blood diamonds,

  • black market stereos.

  • - Oh, my God. - What?

  • What is it?

  • - Dinosaur eggs.

  • There's whole crates of them up there.

  • - Those are avocados, genius.

  • - Oh, right.

  • The fruit that's made out of guacamole.

  • - Ian, go back up there and see if there's anything else.

  • I don't want to be an accessory to anything.

  • - But they're just avocados though.

  • From Florida.

  • - [gasps]

  • Taking fruit across the California border

  • without a permit is illegal.

  • And smugglers are some of the most dangerous criminals around.

  • - [groans]

  • Wait. What if something happens to me?

  • - Oh, don't worry. You're replaceable.

  • - [sighs]

  • - Did you put the money somewhere safe?

  • - Oh, yeah. No one will ever find it.

  • - [exclaiming]

  • [giggles] Oh, my God!

  • [laughing] Oh, my God!

  • Whoo!

  • [video games beeping]

  • - What do you think he's gonna find besides avocados?

  • - Hopefully a turkey, lettuce, a Kaiser roll,

  • and a side of Kettle Chips.

  • I'm hungry.

  • [phone ringing]

  • [sighs]

  • [phone beeps]

  • I told you not to FaceTime me.

  • It's gonna wipe out my data plan.

  • - It's an emergency.

  • I've been taken hostage.

  • - Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay!

  • I followed that tunnel all the way

  • to the back of the bowling alley next door

  • and there's a whole avocado operation going on--

  • - Move your face, kid!

  • We want our money.

  • - Yeah, and we want you to keep letting us use

  • Pork E. Pine's ceiling tunnel as our stash house,

  • or your golden boy here's not coming back.

  • - We know how important he is to your establishment.

  • He's been telling us.

  • - I am super important!

  • - Ian, don't worry, we're gonna get out out of there

  • no matter what.

  • - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

  • Let's think this through.

  • Ian, we gonna call you back.

  • - But Lori-- [phone beeps]

  • - What are you doing?

  • - Look, I've seen TV.

  • All we got to do is keep hanging up on them.

  • We have the cash, so we have the upper hand.

  • - But they have Ian.

  • - But I have the knowledge of television.

  • [chuckles]

  • - Lori has secretly been refrigerating money,

  • so I've called all you here today to figure out--

  • - How to confront Lori.

  • - Jeez, no. No one's telling Lori.

  • - Yeah, what's wrong with you, man?

  • - Yeah, Pete. God.

  • - We all need to figure out how to spend this money

  • in the funnest way possible.

  • - [gasps]

  • all: Whoa.

  • - And as my brain trust, I challenge you all

  • to dream awesome.

  • Go. - Seal.

  • - Navy or animal? - Musician.

  • - Next.

  • - Lifetime passes to Colonial Williamsburg.

  • - I fell asleep in the middle of that sentence.

  • Next. - Let's start a bird sanctuary!

  • - Let's avoid anything with religion.

  • - Next. - Dinner with meatloaf.

  • - Meal or singer? - Both.

  • - Meatloaf with Meatloaf.

  • You guys, that's the idea to beat.

  • - Ah! Stop it.

  • Let me handle the criminals.

  • - Fine, but the next time Ian calls,

  • you have to pick it up.

  • - [sighs] Fine.

  • [phone rings]

  • Oh. [phone beeps]

  • Ian, got to go.

  • I'm holding auditions for the next Pork E. Pines.

  • [laughing]

  • - What? - I was just kidding.

  • We wouldn't need auditions.

  • Anybody can do your job.

  • [phone beeps] - Lori!

  • They're gonna kill him.

  • - Oh. [scoffs]

  • Please.

  • Those smugglers wouldn't last 15 minutes with that damn fool.

  • As long as Ian has an audience,

  • he's holding them hostage.

  • - You know, you guys are missing out

  • on a huge opportunity right now.

  • You see, um...

  • I'm kind of a comedian, so, uh...

  • ah, all right, here. I'll--

  • I'll just shoot some of my material.

  • You--you let me know if anything sticks.

  • This one will be right up you guys' alley.

  • Uh, so you guys are in the avocado business.

  • Your life must be the pits.

  • [drum rimshot]

  • No? Okay, um...

  • okay.

  • What is your name, sir?

  • - Thermos.

  • - Thermos? Is that--is that Greek?

  • Right, Catholic.

  • Saint Thermos of Assisi.

  • [drum rimshot] [laughs]

  • [chuckles]

  • You guys want some physical comedy?

  • Here we go. Here we go.

  • [grunts]

  • Oh, no.

  • Oh, man.

  • That one was premature.

  • Guess it was excited to see me.

  • [drum roll]

  • - Do whatever you have to do, all right?

  • Let's just--just negotiate him out of here.

  • - Jebediah, Thermos, good to hear from you guys.

  • So how's everything with Ian?

  • Aww, that bad, huh?

  • You sound so desperate.

  • This is what we gonna do, mother[bleep]s.

  • Meet me in the parking lot in one hour.

  • - Tell them to bring Ian.

  • - [stammering] - Lori!

  • - I'm getting to that.

  • - Here it is, guys.

  • [triumphant music]

  • [sighs]

  • all: Whoa.

  • - Just like we all agreed.

  • It's a Jet Ski like Pete wanted, but fitted with a laser

  • like Dinger wanted.

  • - Now all we have to do is make sure

  • that that laser's multi-functional

  • so that we can use it to fix the cleft palates

  • on needy children like Mads wanted.

  • - It's perfect.

  • - I get to use it first.

  • - Why is there a Jet Ski in my restaurant?

  • - Lori, I don't know why you were hoarding all that cash,

  • but it's not exactly what I would call good management.

  • Don't worry though.

  • We spent it all

  • as a team.

  • - [laughs] - Yeah!

  • - Yeah!

  • [all laughing and cheering]

  • - Look, guys.

  • Ian's been taken hostage.

  • all: Whoa.

  • - You need to take that back.

  • - We can't take back the laser Jet Ski.

  • This is literally Pork E. Pine's most valuable asset.

  • - [whispering] Yeah, I think so.

  • - True.

  • Should we weigh the pros and cons?

  • [upbeat percussive music]

  • - Yeah.

  • - Also the Jet Ski could put on a laser show!

  • - Oh, yeah. - [laughs]

  • - Ian can't put on a laser show.

  • - [laughing] No.

  • Ian once tried to use his penis as a laser pointer

  • and he just kind of peed all over himself.

  • [laughter]

  • - So it's agreed.

  • Ian will live out the rest of his life with the smugglers.

  • - Yeah, there it is. - Awesome.

  • - Yeah. - Cool.

  • - That's how it goes. - Guys, guys, guys.

  • I hate to be that guy, but you do realize

  • we need to get Ian back, right?

  • - [sighs] - Dang it.

  • - Whatever. - Fine.

  • - Damn it. - Yeah, I know.

  • - [sighs]

  • [western music]

  • - [grumbling indistinctly]

  • - What's he trying to say?

  • He better not be hurt. - Take off the gag.

  • - Please, please, don't make us do that.

  • - Take it off now.

  • - [sighs]

  • - What did one avocado say to the other?