B1 Intermediate US 1271 Folder Collection
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crowd: Arnie! Arnie! Arnie! Arnie!
- Don't you dare.
Don't beat my high score, you old sack of crap.
- Your score's going down, Dinger,
just like your mama last night at the Rotary Club.
[chortles]
- What is going on?
- Arnie was the original Pork E.
He's been playing "Amish Hitman Warrior"
against Dinger for the past 15 years,
and he's about to beat his high score.
- If you beat my high score, I will beat you to death.
- Get your beating stick ready, 'cause watch this.
Yeah! - High score.
- No! - World record!
- Oh, my God, he just got the world record.
- I want a rematch.
Move your diapered ass over, and give me a quarter.
- I got your touchdown dance, sissy.
[chortles]
[gasps]
[grunts]
[all gasp]
- Someone call 911!
- Forget it, Pete.
He's faking it.
[indistinct murmuring]
Arnie, get up and watch me crush your score.
[indistinct murmuring]
My bad.
He's dead.
[playful music]
- [man singing] This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here
'Cause you're a part-timer yeah
- [man singing] You can do anything
- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard
- [man singing] And you can go anywhere
- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car
- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success
- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are
- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed
With full-time dreams
And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Whoa
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Oh
Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?
(In Memory of...... Arnold Reginold Titball)
- Isn't he supposed to be in a coffin?
It's not like he's a piece of taxidermy.
- It's what he wanted in his will.
The man is his own memorial.
It's genius.
- Well, some people
say crazy things
when they think they're gonna die.
It doesn't mean they mean it.
- Arnie meant it.
He wanted us to remember him in death
as he was in life--
grinding Dinger's nuts.
- He even beat me to the afterlife.
When will the punishment stop?
[music stops]
- Love you, Arn.
[applause]
- Okay, okay, thank--thank you, Ella.
That just happened to all of us.
Next, we'll have Arnie's daughter Becky
say a few words.
Becky.
[electronic beeping and warbling]
- [sighs]
[creaking]
[sighs] When I was growing up,
I always wondered where my dad was.
Now that I've been here and met all of you,
I can truly say that I am completely...
underwhelmed.
[upbeat music]
[scattered applause]
[music continues]
[whooshing]
- Oh, sorry, guys. You just missed the service.
- You're the owner, right? - Obviously the owner.
- He's wearing a tie in an arcade.
- Yeah, he's definitely the owner.
- Uh, yeah, I'm Anton, the owner.
- How'd you like to make your arcade
a national sensation?
- Wait. Who are you?
- The answer to all your prayers.
- Lucky you.
- We're from Jamco,
the makers of "Amish Hitman Warrior."
[gong sounds]
Someone Instagrammed the new high score.
- Yeah, that was Arnie's score, but he's, uh--
- An inspiration? We think so too.
We'd like to meet him.
Can we talk? - He wants to talk.
- Sure.
- Officially?
- Yeah.
[electronic beeping and warbling]
Guys, guys,
guys, we got to bring Arnie back from the dead.
- What are you talking about?
His daughter's about to bring him to the cemetery.
- These video game guys are throwing stupid amounts of money
at Pork E. Pine's to host a major tournament.
They just want to meet the high score champ.
- Alleged high score champ.
- Why can't we just tell them he's dead?
- Uh, because then we wouldn't be able
to prove his high score and then we wouldn't be able
to have the tournament.
- What the hell you want us to do, put on a séance?
- Don't be ridiculous, Lori.
I want you guys to rig him up so he looks alive.
- That's insane, Anton, and probably illegal.
- Oh, I love illegal. What's in it for us?
- What do you guys all want?
- A new Pork E. suit that
doesn't smell like children's vomit.
- Fine. - A trip to Mexico.
No questions asked.
- A white noise CD of Burt Reynolds laughing.
- First aid kit. - First aid kit.
- There's a rare plant that grows
on the south-facing side of a hickory tree
in South America.
- Dinger, please. - Fine.
Just take me to Black Angus for lunch.
- Done. Mads and Pete,
take Becky out of the building and stall her.
She can't have Arnie back yet, understood?
The rest of you get Arnie rigged up.
Arnie, look alive, buddy.
[creaking] [sighs]
- And over here we have the family reception area.
- This has to be the worst funeral
at a children's restaurant I've ever been to.
Look, just give me my dad so I can go.
- Our boss wanted a few final moments
to say his last good-byes to original Pork E. Pine.
- Fine. Whatever.
So...
What's the deal with you two lovebirds?
[both laugh] - Oh.
We're not-- - We're not lovebirds.
- You know, more like friend-birds.
[chuckles] - Well...
Even friend-birds have a mating season.
[upbeat music]
- I don't know. Still looks dead.
- Could a dead guy do this?
"Hey, guys, look. I'm climbing a ladder."
"Now I'm swimming."
[water splashing]
"Oh, having car trouble?
I'll flag for some help."
[arm thuds]
- [sighs]
- Cool.
So I'll go tell Anton we're ready.
Knock 'em dead, Arnie.
[creaking]
- We'll put a little Velcro up behind the head.
It'll be fine.
[creaking]
[electronic beeping and warbling]
- And you're giving away tickets too freely.
You're not running a charity here.
There he is. - Man of the hour.
- This is the very old, definitely alive
Arnold Reginold Titball.
- Yeah, uh, he's just a little tuckered out,
which is normal for Arn-dog.
- It's nice to have helpers, am I right, Arn-dog?
[laughs] That's right.
Now, we don't have much time, so let's talk.
- Brass tacks.
- Jamco thinks that bringing back
a "vintage" game like "Amish Hitman Warrior"
could be big for the brand.
- Old is very, very in right now.
- We just have one small request.
- That means he's very interested.
- Good.
We need to validate his score on tape.
- Live tape, today.
- Can he play for us?
Live?
- No. - Eh, it's too late in the day.
- Nah, not today, no.
- Pork E. Pine's is very interested
in being part of the Jamco business,
and we'll do whatever it takes
to show you guys a champion today,
right, Arnie?
[creaking]
- He's in.
- I'm just not looking for a relationship right now.
I'm really focused on school.
- And I'm super busy too.
I've got stuff.
And I'm super focused on it,
like, all of the time.
- Boring.
I literally would rather go bury my father at a cemetery
than talk to you.
- Uh, the front door's locked,
so you're gonna need the set of keys.
- Well, give me the key.
- Ah, Becky,
I haven't even told you the real juicy reasons
why I really don't like Pete.
- What? - I'm listening.
- Pete hid in a locker once and saw my boobs.
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm sorry. It just came out.
- I'll do it.
I'll play "Amish Hitman Warrior" dressed up as Arnie.
But I want that son of a bitch watching
when I beat his high score.
- From where, heaven?
- You guys aren't athletes.
You don't get it.
Every sports rivalry has a bad guy.
Arnie is the bad guy,
dead or alive.
- So you want us to prop up his naked body
next to you or something?
- Come on. Don't be insane.
He'll need a disguise.
[bright instrumental music]
- [creakily] "Please, Ian, let me do it, please."
- Fine, but only because it's Arnie.
- I'll need his boxers too.
- "Amish Hitman Warrior."
You used electricity!
You've been shot!
Lose 10 Amish points.
- You see that, you old nut sack?
That's called approach to victory.
[electronic beeping]
- He's really sprung to life.
- His pencil definitely has lead.
- Did I mention that I stopped taking naps here
because Pete likes to watch me sleep?
- [sighs] Just get me the key.
- Can you please stop talking?
- Can you please start?
I feel like I'm doing all the work here.
Think of something bad to say about me.
Now's your chance.
- God, I can't think of a single thing!
Damn it!
- Will you two just do it already?
Hell, you can use the hearse. It's parked out front.
- You know what? You want in?
Be my guest. - Pete, no!
- Here. - [grunts]
Pete, I'm sorry.
You know I don't care about that stuff.
I was trying to stall.
- Mads, I get the message. okay?
I'll see you inside.
[light instrumental music]
[electronic beeping]
- Dad? [electronic beeping]
I knew you were still alive, you moron!
You always loved this stupid game more than me!
[gasps]
[upbeat music]
[chuckles]
I am...drunk.
[chuckling] [man speaking indistinctly]
[electronic beeping]
I will see you at the cemetery.
- Make sure he's still watching.
[electronic beeping]
- Butter churning bonus!
- [murmurs and growls]
[electronic beeping]
- World record!
- Finally beat you,
you old, golden raisin head.
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GUY VS. DEAD GUY (Part Timers #9)

1271 Folder Collection
Steven published on April 27, 2016    Steven translated    Mandy Lin reviewed
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