B1 Intermediate US 1354 Folder Collection
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- Pork E. adjusted his silver codpiece,
flexed his well-sculpted glutes,
and prepared for the biggest battle of his life
with Nags the Mosqueezo.
But what he didn't know was that she had just given birth
to 12,000 baby mosqueezos!
Disengage, Dingernauts.
We don't shoot mothers in space.
- Dinger.
- Everyone, you're in for a treat.
Meet my coworker Mads--
the inspiration for the evil overlord Nags the Mosqueezo.
all: Ooh.
- It really does look like she had 12,000 babies.
- [scoffs]
[upbeat music]
- This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- Not you, though
- You're stuck here
- 'Cause you're a part-timer
- Yeah!
- You can do anything
- As long it's not hard
- And you can go anywhere
- As soon as you get a car
- You're gonna be a huge success
- Come on, that's not who you are
- You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams
And this low-paying job
Is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
-Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?
- Dinger's fan fiction is really good.
- You're only saying that
because he gave Pork E. a huge wang.
- No, because he nailed me perfectly,
down to the huge wang.
- Well, you're the only one he nailed.
Ella has a third boob that shoots lasers from the nipple.
- Yeah, Ermagerd and her third
are intergalactic bounty hunters.
I need that tit.
- So it's just me that he got wrong.
Nags, a giant mosquito overlord?
- My character's a little off too.
- You're an anxiety-ridden robotic caterpillar
with an android butterfly growing inside you.
It's a euphemism for puberty.
- Crap.
Nailed it.
- Push from your core. Tighten your butthole.
Now stop.
Pete, this new parking spot is gonna shave
a full 35 seconds off my work walk.
And you know what I always say, right?
- No.
- ABCT-- "Always be cutting time."
- Roger that.
- You know what you get when you cut time, right?
- No. - You create time.
And with that time,
take it, lock it away for the future.
You know what this spot needs?
Some class.
You know that guy that owns that nightclub down the street?
He can give us a killer deal on some velvet rope.
- "Velvet rope"? - Oh, you hear that?
Oh, that's time slipping away, slipping away, slipping away.
Come on, Pete. - I feel my life slipping away.
(Executive Parking Only) - What the-- [clicks tongue]
Anton, we ain't got time for that.
- This is created time, Lori.
This time doesn't even exist yet.
- Okay, great. I'll be at the Korean spa for about five hours.
Don't call.
- I'll just be enjoying my new executive parking spot.
It's gonna look so good with a velvet rope.
- So, in conclusion,
the conversion rate is 17 gravitons to one Uncle Sam.
Great question.
- I have a question.
- You, shorty in the front.
- [sighs, clears throat]
I just feel like in your description
of Nags the Mosqueezo,
there's an overlooked core of helpfulness and efficiency
that is missing from your description
and makes her feel, perhaps, unseen.
- So what's your question?
- Why does my character suck?
- Oh, 'cause she needs blood to survive.
- "Exorctly." [watch alarm beeping]
Dingernauts, you're in for a treat--
the showstopper of the tour.
Take five, and I'll be back in a "nanojiff."
And remember to hold on to your nuts,
because they're about to be blown into space!
- [sighs]
Ugh, back off.
And sit down. God!
Stand up.
Sit down.
Clean that table.
- Nag us, Nags.
- We can take it. - We love it.
- We not be so unwise as to deny the command
of the most feared overlord in all the land.
- Way to commit, Jeff.
- Okay, well, when you're finished with the tables,
you can degrease all the joysticks,
and you can unclog all the holes in the air-hockey table.
Ah, there is so much to get done.
- Now, this is how you ABE--
"Always be 'executivizing.'" - I'll write that down.
- "Initiativizing"-- I like it.
[horn honks]
I know! Cool spot, right?
- Sir, we need you to move your vehicle
so we can get to the Dumpster.
- Oh, uh, actually, new thing--
I'm gonna need you to come around my spot
at a 45-degree angle, then about-face to the left.
- We're not pulling into the lot.
We've gotten stuck back there before.
Also, we don't have to-- union rules.
- Oh, the union.
[bell dings]
- [sighs] We'll do you a favor,
and we'll come back at the end of our route.
Just put the Dumpster back, okay?
[truck beeping]
- Quick tip, Pete--
"The union" is code for "grease the wheels,"
and "grease the wheels" is code for "bribe me."
[vacuum cleaner whirring]
- Clean deeper, harder.
- Dingernauts, may I introduce to you the master of his craft,
the lord of deep space,
the savior of the known universe and our god--
the Pork E. Pine!
- Are you guys ready to rock, antigravity style?
Not this time, Schwartzman.
- Come on up for a group picture.
- Halt! Where do you think you're going?
There's still gum underneath half of these tables.
Keep cleaning.
- What have you done with my people?
- These are my people now,
and as you said in "Pork Apocalypto" chapter 8,
"There's no loyalty in space."
- [wails] Hoisted by my on petard!
- Waah!
- They're coming!
- Make sure they can really see the soap.
- You didn't give me a walkie-talkie!
- Hide, Pete!
[mysterious music]
Take it. Take it.
[truck door closes]
[truck beeping]
- They didn't like it!
- Just clean it up.
- What'd you say?
- Toss it!
You know, this is a valuable lesson, Pete.
Some men can't be bought,
and some unions can't be defeated.
Always be knowing when to hold 'em
and when to fold 'em.
Fold 'em.
- What are you doing? - We're taking our payment.
- You're not stealing our balls.
- Balls? These are gravitons.
And we had a contract. - No, we didn't.
- Episode one, section three, the contract states--
- Okay, this is real life.
You do not steal balls from kids, you Dingernauts.
Plus, you do not want to take these home.
You know how many times we've cleaned these balls?
Never! No time.
- [sniffs] - But...
we worked hard for these gravitons.
- Well, you're not taking them.
- The Mosqueezo has shown her true form.
- Just like she did before the fall of the Laser Locusts.
- We will succeed where the Laser Locusts failed.
Let the rebellion begin!
[all imitating alarm blaring]
- Stop it!
Dinger, your idiot fans are robbing us.
- It's the uprising.
Have they taken any hostages?
- You aren't leaving until you crap out a butterfly!
- I hate, hate, hate, hate to admit this,
but I think we're gonna need to work together.
- Nags the Mosqueezo joining the forces of good...
interesting plot twist.
Would you swear allegiance to me?
- As Nags the Mosqueezo,
I declare that you may keep all the gravitons
you have rightfully earned.
- But as VIP Dingernauts,
you now have the opportunity to purchase passes
to see the last feature of our tour--
Ermagerd and her third.
- Wait. The whole thing or just the nipple?
- All of it, for all of your gravitons.
[all whispering indistinctly]
- Deal. - Thank God.
Hand over the balls.
- Welcome.
Come closer, and I will reveal the third to you.
[magical futuristic music]
- Boobs are magic.
- Help!
Puberty's a bitch.
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FAN FICTION FAIL (Part Timers #7)

1354 Folder Collection
Steven published on April 27, 2016    Steven translated    Mandy Lin reviewed
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