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  • [SCREAMING]

  • Narrator: BECAUSE OF THE WAY THAT BRAIN WORKS,

  • YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR VERY FIRST ROLLER COASTER RIDE.

  • STORING THESE NEW EXPERIENCES IS ONE OF THE BRAIN'S MAIN JOBS.

  • IN FACT, YOUR BRAIN CREATES A MENTAL BLUEPRINT

  • OF EVERY NEW EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE.

  • A BLUEPRINT FOR ANY NEW TOUCH IS STORED IN ONE PART OF THE BRAIN,

  • A BLUEPRINT FOR ANY NEW SOUND IN A DIFFERENT PART,

  • AND A BLUEPRINT FOR ANY NEW SIGHT IN STILL ANOTHER PART.

  • BUT AS POWERFUL AS THAT FIRST ROLLER COASTER RIDE WAS,

  • IT CAN'T COMPETE WITH THE LINGERING EFFECTS

  • OF YOUR BRAIN'S EARLIEST EXPERIENCES.

  • ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE NO CONSCIOUS MEMORY

  • OF THIS PART OF YOUR CHILDHOOD,

  • IT IS THESE VERY FIRST EXPERIENCES

  • THAT LITERALLY BECOME THE BUILDING BLOCKS

  • FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

  • UNLIKE OTHER ORGANS, THE BRAIN IS UNDEVELOPED AT BIRTH

  • AND IT IS WAITING FOR EXPERIENCES

  • TO SHAPE HOW IT WILL DEVELOP.

  • THE AMAZING THING ABOUT THE HUMAN BRAIN

  • IS THAT THE YOUNGER YOU ARE

  • THE MORE SPONGE-LIKE YOUR BRAIN IS,

  • WHICH IS THE REASON THAT CHILDREN IN THREE YEARS

  • CAN LEARN LANGUAGE, CAN LEARN TO WALK

  • CAN DO ALL KINDS OF INCREDIBLE THINGS.

  • BUT THE VERY SAME BIOLOGICAL SPONGINESS

  • THAT ALLOWS US TO RAPIDLY ACQUIRE LANGUAGE

  • IS ALSO THE SAME SPONGINESS THAT MAKES YOUNG CHILDREN

  • MORE VULNERABLE TO TRAUMA THAN OLDER CHILDREN.

  • WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO POLICE RIDE-ALONGS

  • TO A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SITUATION

  • AND SO THIS WAS ACTUALLY THE FIRST CALL

  • I EVER RODE ALONG.

  • IT WAS DINNER TIME

  • AND THEY WERE HAVING SPAGHETTI FOR DINNER.

  • IT WAS DRIPPING DOWN THE WALLS.

  • THE KITCHEN TABLE WAS OVERTURNED.

  • AND WE HAD THREE CHILDREN IN THE HOUSEHOLD.

  • LOOKING AT THIS WHOLE SITUATION AT THE TIME,

  • E

  • "THE KIDS ARE FINE."

  • WE LEARNED DIFFERENTLY, OF COURSE.

  • THE BOY IN THE CORNER WAS CLASSIC BEHAVIOR

  • THAT WE SEE WITH KIDS

  • WHO HAVE HAD CHRONIC EXPOSURE TO VIOLENCE.

  • HE WOULD JUST COMPLETELY ZONE OUT,

  • NUMB OUT AS THINGS STARTED TO GET SCARY.

  • THE 6-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL ON THE CHAIR

  • OING ON.

  • THAT WE REALLY APPRECIATED

  • WHO HAD SOME OF THE MOST PROFOUND OR SEVERE HARM

  • COMING OUT OF THIS SITUATION

  • AND THAT WAS

  • WHO WAS NOW 4 AND A HALF,

  • AND HAD SERIOUSLY INJURED OL.

  • IT'S LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE

  • OF THE WAY MOST PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THIS.

  • THEY DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON

  • AND THEY'RE RESILIENT. BUT THE FACT IS

  • IF ANYBODY'S IMPACTED MORE SEVERELY,

  • IT'S THE YOUNGER CHILD.

  • Chamberlain: THE BRAIN IS

  • PUT TOGETHER LIKE BUILDING BLOCKS,

  • IN A SENSE. THOSE FIRST BLOCKS THAT GO TOGETHER

  • ARE THE MORE PRIMITIVE AREA, THE SURVIVAL BRAIN.

  • Perry: THE BRAIN DEVELOPS FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP

  • AND FROM THE INSIDE OUT

  • SO THAT THE NORMAL DEVELOPMENT OF T

  • N

  • DEPENDS UPON HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT OF LOWER PARTS OF THE BRAIN.

  • THE TOP PART OF THE BRAIN WHERE YOU DO ALL OF YOUR THINKING

  • IS THE PART OF THE BRAIN THAT IS MOST CHANGEABLE,

  • EASIEST TO MODIFY,

  • BUT UNFORTUNATELY IF THE CHILD HAS DE

  • ENCES

  • OF THREAT AND EXPOSURE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

  • THE LOWER PARTS OF THE BRAIN WILL BE IMPACTED

  • AND THEY'RE HARDER TO CHANGE AS THEY GET OLDER.

  • HE WAS NEVER PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE

  • BUT HE WAS VERBALLY ABUSIVE.

  • Man yelling: ...STUPID!

  • Allison: THERE WAS A LOT OF-- LOTS AND LOTS OF SCREAMING

  • IN FRONT OF THE KIDS,

  • BERATING, YOU KNOW, PUTTING ME DOWN,

  • AND THEY PRETTY MUCH HEARD IT ALL.

  • CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,

  • CHILDREN WHO WITNESS THEIR PARENTS FIGHTING

  • ENCING

  • AND WHEN THIS HAPPENS

  • THE SYSTEMS IN YOUR BRAIN THAT ARE INVOLVED IN THINKING,

  • AT THE TOP PART OF YOUR BRAIN, ARE LITERALLY SHUT DOWN.

  • IT CHANGES THE BRAINS OF THESE CHILDREN.

  • MY SON HAS SEEN AND HED

  • A LOT OF THE VIOLENT OUTBURSTS.

  • HE WAS EXPERIENCING NIGHT TERRORS

  • AND THAT WAS PROBABLY HIS WAY OF DEALING WITH IT

  • BECAUSE IN HIS WAKING STATE

  • HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO ARTICULATE,

  • AT 2 AND A HALF YEARS OLD,

  • SO IT WAS COMING THROUGH, YOU KNOW,

  • WHEN HE WAS ASLEEP.

  • WHEN KIDS ARE CHRONICALLY STRESSED,

  • ONE OF THE PROBLEMS THAT WE SEE

  • IS, UH, DIFFICULTY IN ATTACHMENT AND BONDING

  • BECAUSE THEY'RE SO FOCUSED ON SURVIVAL,

  • IT'S HARD FOR THEM TO REACH OUT

  • AND

  • H OTHERS.

  • MY OLDE WENT

  • AND SEEMINGLY LAUGH IN GLEE.

  • HE WAS NOT REMORSEFUL OR HAD NO EMPATHY

  • THAT HE COULD ACTUALLY MAKE SOMEONE CRY.

  • CALLS

  • OF HIM BEING DISRUPTIVE IN THE CLASSROOM.

  • HE WAS A VERY BRIGHT KID BUT THAT'S WHEN I KNEW

  • THAT HE WAS HEADING TOWARD TROUBLE.

  • A LOT OF THESE KIDS GET LABELED AS BEING, YOU KNOW,

  • BAD, DIFFICULT, DEFIANT.

  • THIS IS A VERY NATURAL RESPONSE

  • TO THEIR CIRCUMSTANCE.

  • WHAT THE CHILD IS DOING

  • IS A SURVIVAL STRATEGY FOR THEM,

  • BUT IT CREATES BEHAVIORS

  • THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT IN THE CLASSROOM.

  • WHEN THEY'RE IN A CRISIS MODE, THEY CAN'T LEARN.

  • THE TRAGIC REALITY OF CHILDREN GROWING UP IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

  • IS THAT THEY END UP WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS

  • AT A RATE HIGHER THAN CHILDREN

  • WHO ARE ACTUALLY THE DIRECT VICTIMS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE.

  • MY MOTHER WAS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

  • MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC, A DRUG USER,

  • AND, UH, JUST A COCKTAIL FOR--FOR A BAD--

  • FOR A BAD LIVING ENVIRONMENT FOR CHILDREN.

  • MY BROTHER, HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS CRYING ON HIS WAY HOME,

  • ME NOT KNOWING, I WAS JUST A CARELESS LITTLE 6-YEAR-OLD,

  • SEEING HIM CLIMB UP TO MY MOM'S MEDICINE CABINET.

  • I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING

  • AND HE BOLDLY SAID, "I'M KILLING MYSELF."

  • 8-YEAR-OLDS DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.

  • THE FIRST PERSON I THOUGHT TO CALL WAS MY BEST FRIEND'S MOM.

  • BY THE TIME SHE CAME DOWN TO OUR APARTMENT,

  • HE HAD A BUTCHER KNIFE IN HIS HAND

  • AND WAS JUST CUTTING HIMSELF ALL OVER HIS BODY

  • AND I WAS JUST BAWLING, WAS CRYING,

  • THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO HELP.

  • MY BROTHER WAS--WAS CRYING.

  • HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE, HE WAS TRYING TO RUN OUT.

  • BUT I HAD ALREADY KNOWN, THAT THE HOME, MY HOME,

  • YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T A PLACE WHERE I FELT SAFE.

  • CHILDHOOD EXPOSURE TO VIOLENCE IS ABOUT LIVING

  • IN A THREATENING, SCARY ENVIRONMENT

  • THAT MAY ESCALATE TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE,

  • BUT IT OFTEN DOESN'T HAVE TO.

  • IT'S THE CHAOS, THE UNCERTAINTY.

  • THE FEAR OF BEING IN A HOME

  • WHERE THINGS AREN'T OK.

  • IT'S VERY INTERESTING TALKING ABOU

  • BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE HEAR FROM ADULT SURVIVORS

  • IN VIOLENT HOUSEHOLDS AND ALSO THE CHILDREN.

  • THE H

  • HINK,

  • IS THINKING ABOUT WHAT IS NORMAL,

  • INSTEAD OF THIS UP AND DOWN LIFE

  • OF BE THREA

  • T, HIP.

  • GROWING UP IN MY HOME THERE WERE SIX CHILDREN.

  • MY MOTHER AND FATHER, UNFORTUNATELY,

  • FOUGHT LIKE CATS AND DOGS.

  • AS A RESULT OF THAT,

  • TWO OF MY BROTHERS ENDED UP BEING BATTERERS.

  • I HAVE TWO SISTERS.

  • EVEN TODAY THEY DATE MEN THAT BATTER THEM.

  • EXPOSURE TO VIOLENCE IS A LIFETIME LEGACY.

  • WE SEE THAT NEGATIVE CH

  • OFTEN HAVE COPING BEHAVIORS THAT CAN BE UNHEALTHY.

  • TH ON H

  • TS ENT.

  • IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR PARENTS TO UNDERSTAND

  • THAT THEIR INTERNAL STATE,

  • WHETHER IT'S CALM, OR WHETHER

  • OR WHETHER IT'S FRUSTRATION AND ANGER,

  • OR WHETHER IT'S SADNESS, DEPRESSION,

  • THE BABY ABSORBS THESE INTERNAL STATES.

  • I HAVE BEEN IN THE MOMENT,

  • SNESS

  • AND HOPELESSNESS AND STRESS AND ANXIETY AND RAGE.

  • IT REALLY DAMAGES THE BRAINS OF SMALL CHILDREN

  • TO BE UNDER A CONSTANT LEVEL OF STRESS AND ANXIETY.

  • EVERY DAY I HOPE THAT I HAVEN'T DAMAGED MY KID IN ANY WAY.

  • THEY NEED TO SEE FROM YOU, AS A PARENT,

  • HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS

  • IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER. BEING RATIONAL,

  • NOT RESORTING TO VIOLENCE

  • TO DEAL WITH SITUATIONS.

  • YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO LEARN

  • HOW FROM

  • SS

  • LUCKILY, MY OLDER SON IS VERBAL ENOUGH

  • AND IS OLD ENOUGH NOW THAT WE HAVE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT...

  • "HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL WHEN THAT WAS GOING ON?

  • "WAS THAT SCARY FOR YOU?"

  • "YEAH." AND VALIDATING THAT.

  • Chamberlain: THE BIGGEST THING THAT HELPS

  • CHILDREN EXPOSED TO VIOLENCE

  • IS TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS,

  • GET THOSE CRITICAL MESSAGES--

  • "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT."

  • ANY CONFLICT, I'M ABLE NOW TO STOP BEFORE I ADD TO IT.

  • I'M ABLE TO STEP AWAY,

  • RATHER THAN TRYING TO SOLVE IT,

  • AT THAT MOMENT,

  • IN A STATE OF HEIGHTENED AN.

  • JUST TRY NOT TO GO THROUGH IT ALONE.

  • IF YOU HAVE A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM

  • AND KNOW WHAT AVENUES YOU HAVE AVAILABLE TO YOU, YOU KNOW,

  • IN CASE YOU DO NEED TO GET OUT.

  • I WAS GLAD THAT WE GOT HELP WHEN WE DID.

  • Chamberlain: ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT BRAIN SCIENCE

  • THAT WE'VE LEARNED IS TILL THE DAY YOU DIE

  • YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO ADD NEW NEURONS IN YOUR BRAIN,

  • THAT THE BRAIN IS MORE LIKE SKIN

  • IN THE SENSE THAT IT CAN REWIRE AND HEAL ITSELF

  • IN THE MOST IMPORTANT AREA, THE CORTEX.

  • WE HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HEAL AND DO BETTER.

  • THE BIGGEST THING WE CAN DO FOR KIDS EXPOSED TO VIOLENCE

  • IS HOW MANY HEALTHY ADULTS CAN THEY CONNECT TO.

  • IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMES

  • SO I SAW WHAT POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS WERE ABOUT.

  • I SAW MY FRIENDS WERE NORMAL.

  • YOU KNOW, THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE RAGE I HAD.

  • SEEING PARENTS THAT WERE TOGETHER,

  • THAT SHOWED AFFECTION.

  • HOME DINNERS WHERE EVERYBODY SAT TOGETHER,

  • THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT I REALIZED WERE IMPORTANT,

  • AND INSTEAD OF BEING ENVIOUS I INCORPORATED IT INTO MY LIFE.

  • I WANTED TO BE A PART OF THAT.

  • Bernice: I KNOW SCHOOL IS WHAT MADE A DIFFERENCE FOR ME.

  • ,

  • LETTING ME KNOW THAT I COULD BE SOMEBODY

  • AND I COULD DO SOMETHING.

  • Allison: IN FACT, MY OLDEST SON,A

  • HIS TEACHERS, ALL SIX OF THEM WERE VERY INSTRUMENTAL

  • IN COMING FORWARD AND PROVIDING HIM SUPPORT WHEN HE NEEDED IT.

  • THEY ALLOWED HIM TO BE HOME-SCHOOLED

  • TO GIVE HIM TIME TO HEAL.

  • Tony: THE HARDEST PART ABOUT BEING A PARENT NOW

  • IS TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT THAN HOW MY PARENTS RAISED ME.

  • AM I BEING A GOOD FATHER? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO

  • THAT'S THE PART, THE BRAIN DEVELOPMENT PART,

  • THAT I THINK...

  • WE WANT HIM TO KNOW WHAT NORMAL IS FOR US

  • AND NORMAL IS HAVING PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT YOU AND WHO LOVE YOU

  • AND WHO WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU,

  • AND THAT WE WANT THAT TO BE HIS NORMAL LIFE.

  • IT'S ONE OF THOSE "PAY ME NOW OR PAY ME LATER,"

  • CHILDREN WHO

  • GOOD AT SELF-SOOTHING, DON'T CRY VERY MUCH

  • AND END UP BEING, IF YOU WILL, SUCCESSFUL

  • ARE CHILDREN WHO HAVE HAD

  • INCREDIBLY ATTENTIVE EARLY CARE-GIVING

  • WHICH SOME PEOPLE, UNFORTUNATELY,

  • THINK OF AS SPOILING.

  • IT'S EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE.

  • RATHER THAN SPOILING THE NEWBORN, WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS

  • YOU ARE BUILDING IN HEALTHY SELF-REGULATION.

  • Amelia: SO THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT I WANT,

  • TO CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT FOR MY BABY

  • WHERE HE GETS THE BENEFIT

  • OF WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM ALL THESE EXPERTS

  • AND ALSO OTHER PARENTS,

  • AND BELIEVE ME, THEY'RE EXPERTS TOO.

  • Perry: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT PARENTS NEED TO UNDERSTAND

  • IS THAT THE BRAIN OF THEIR CHILD WILL BECOME

  • EXACTLY WHAT THE CHILD WAS EXPOSED TO.

  • IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE KIND,

  • THEN YOU HAVE TO BE KIND TO YOUR CHILD.

  • IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE GOOD AT SELF-REGULATION

  • PER,

  • YOU HAVE TO NOT LOSE YOUR TEMPER.

  • AND THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THE HUMAN BRAIN,

  • IT IS A MIRROR TO THE CHILD'S DEVELOPMENTAL EXPERIENCE.

[SCREAMING]

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