Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • You may now kiss the bride.

  • Just uh, just gonna do one of those.

  • Hi, I'm Zach and I'm single as fuck.

  • Zach, don't fall in love with me.

  • Hi, I'm Ashly, I'm gonna marry Zach for a week.

  • Which is probably a huge mistake.

  • It's gonna be great!

  • Thank you. - You're welcome.

  • Honestly, a lot of the time, I love being single. I really do.

  • I do whatever I want, whenever I want.

  • I'm an independent woman.

  • I've never had to plan my life around another person.

  • I'm not good at letting people into my life.

  • Committing to another person for the rest of your life is a crazy, crazy... [NED FULMER | Literally the most married person I know]

  • Just as you said that, and my heartbeat just went up.

  • I want to be in relationships, I do.

  • At some point, I want to share my life with someone, and the logistics of that seem a little frightening.

  • This is like, immersion therapy.

  • Are you gonna carry me over the threshold? [DAY ONE]

  • No, you carry me.

  • Why do you have so much shit?

  • Because we're gonna be together for a week!

  • Four texts a day, five meals over the course of a week, two nice things that are completely unplanned. [Eat, sleep and live together. | Communicate every day. | Coordinate meals. | 2+ random acts of love]

  • Each?

  • Each.

  • Let's just do one.

  • Where do I put my stuff?

  • Oh my god, I didn't even think about this.

  • I guess I'll have to move my kimono.

  • So I think, at some point, I'm just kinda want him to shut up.

  • You really-- I'm making your bed?

  • It's our bed.

  • And I know he is definitely gonna want me to shut up.

  • The only CD that I have in my car is Taylor Swift and then I like, Spotify other things. -Which is like, almost a year old now.

  • I spen- It doesn't matter, it's the best CD.

  • Like most married couples, it's gonna be completely sexless.

  • Would you say that's accurate?

  • No.

  • How do you sleep?

  • I sleep in fetal position, like a little baby. -So do I.

  • You have to be comfortable around the other person.

  • Broccoli makes you fart.

  • I assume it's gonna teach me a lot about myself.

  • Best part about being married so far?

  • Ashley has got citrus mimosa shampoo.

  • I smell like a damn tree.

  • Definitely gonna teach me a lot about Ashley.

  • Ooh, Wonder Woman pajamas.

  • We should probably get some alcohol.

  • Maybe we'll want popsicles.

  • I'll meet you there. -Look how cool those tank is!

  • Ashly, Ashly, eye on the prize.

  • It's been similar so far to friendship, but it's just longer.

  • Yeah. This is a long, long friendship.

  • And with retainer.

  • Don't fall in love with me.

  • Stop saying that!

  • Zach! Time to wake up, sheet stealer! [DAY TWO]

  • That's not true, I took so little!

  • No, you took all of the sheets.

  • I was very conservative with how many sheets I took.

  • For me, the hardest thing to conceptualize is like, your freedom is just gone.

  • Ashly told me she wants a divorce.

  • I do.

  • Zach was stressing me out so much.

  • Stop filming me.

  • We need to talk this out.

  • We're not Kardashians!

  • Even in the second day of marriage, we started resenting how much time we were spending together, and that's not good.

  • My friends are getting mad already...

  • Okay, I'll have you know, that Adam asked me to get dinner, and I said no, I'm gonna order dinner for my wife.

  • I felt supported!

  • There have gotta be moments where you have panic about like, "Oh my god, I just signed up for the rest of my life!"

  • Have we made up from our fight yet?

  • Yep, cuz I got a funny Snapchat of you.

  • Cuz my hair looks stupid.

  • Your hair was silly.

  • You definitely need time where you're just not even engaging with the other person and it's not rude.

  • [DAY THREE]

  • I hate planning dates.

  • Oh, it's such a nightmare. It just stresses me out.

  • Hi. [DAY FOUR]

  • Hey Pumpkin, we're gonna be late for our double dinner date with the Fulmers.

  • Another thing is hanging out with your couple's friends.

  • So you're gonna go on a date night.

  • With you and Ariel? - Gonna go on a double date with me and Ariel.

  • It's great!

  • We brought wine.

  • White wine.

  • We're late, but Zach found a great parking spot. - Yeah.

  • Hello! -Hi!

  • The Kornrezzes are here!

  • We don't have any pictures of us making out in our house.

  • We don't have any pictures of us in general.

  • This is so adult.

  • Date night with the Fulmers made me realize why people get married.

  • What's your trick when you're out of wine?

  • When I'm out of wine, I switch my glass with Ned's.

  • Does he even notice?

  • We are pounding meat for our wives, pounding meat.

  • For our wives!

  • Thank you Zach, for your wine!

  • Cheers!

  • Date night with the Fulmers was the shit.

  • They made a really delicious dinner which I'm not accustomed to anyone cooking for me.

  • Like, what a delight. - Yeah.

  • A friend cooked for me. How delightful is that?

  • There really is a moment in every adult's life where you're like, just tired of being single.

  • Would you get bored though, of this if this was your whole life?

  • I don't know, I don't think so.

  • That was wonderful, shall we go home now?

  • Tomorrow has some prasu... [Ashly chose this dumb filter]

  • Tomorrow has some surprises in store for you, Ashly.

  • Are you drunk?

  • Uh, drunk in love. Drunk on marriage.

  • I realized I've never planned a romantic date for anyone. [DAY FIVE]

  • I hate planning dates. [5 days earlier]

  • Today is like a day of niceties and surprises.

  • Zach had so many surprises for me. It was fucking crazy.

  • Having a special day that's like, "This is our date night", it encourages you to think outside the box.

  • It feels weird cuz it's like, not my birthday or anything. It's just my marriage.

  • Ashly loves theme parks and it's been hot as balls out, so later today, we're going to a water park.

  • I got one more thing before the water park.

  • Oh! - A wedding photo of us.

  • This is so cheesy.

  • I do love word art.

  • Right in front of Taylor.

  • Now we're a family.

  • I'm gonna keep that forever, that's hilarious.

  • Oh, here we go!

  • Oh, my butt is dragging!

  • Oh no, I'm backwards!

  • Thank you, Ashly.

  • You're welcome.

  • Married couples probably don't go to water parks unless they have kids, but that's the kind of married couple we would be.

  • That was so fun.

  • Today was a good test, cuz it was a test of like, can Ashly and I just spend a ton of time together

  • and not, like, go crazy - Kill each other.

  • wanting to kill each other?

  • And we succeeded.

  • How many people do you think have peed in this water?

  • We both said, as soon as we got home, we are like, "I had a fun day. I don't wanna be with you any more."

  • So we're just gonna sit next to each other and trying be alone in the same room.

  • ("Senorita" by Justin Timberlake) [DAY SIX]

  • Final night of marriage. [DAY SEVEN]

  • Last night of marriage, we're going to my favorite pho place.

  • Fo? - Pho.

  • Monday was our final day. (Cheers!)

  • It was kinda bittersweet.

  • And the weird thing was, last night it felt so normal.

  • I forgot for a second that this, I wasn't like actually married.

  • I got mostly fruit, so it's healthy.

  • You didn't get even a little bit of fruit.

  • It's nice to have someone who's always on your team.

  • And marriage really is teamwork.

  • Wow.

  • I think this is all married people do.

  • Just watch TV in bed and drink wine. (Cheers!)

  • Watch TV and drink white wine.

  • Now that it's over, I'm like, kinda sad.

  • Don't steal all the covers again!

  • I don't promise that.

  • You ready?

  • Divorce on three.

  • One, two, three, divorce!

  • Oh no.

  • Marriage is fuckin' hard, y'all.

  • You really can't put yourself first.

  • And that is like (blows) what?

  • It's scary, to open yourself to another human being but it can also be really rewarding.

  • And I see that now.

  • I wanna get married someday. Do you?

  • Yeah, totally.

  • But not to each other.

  • No.

  • Definitely not to each other.

  • Maybe a little, but not, not really.

  • Don't fall in love with me, Ashly.

  • That's my line.

  • We called each other Pumpkin throughout the week.

  • I heard someone else call Ashly Pumpkin, and I got furious.

  • I was like, "Back the fuck off. That's my Pumpkin."

  • Sexual intimacy is a big part of any relationship.

  • Different video. - Okay.

You may now kiss the bride.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it