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  • Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard.

  • My name is Russell and assisting me today will be Xanax and Zoloft.

  • I'm here for your safety and they're here for my comfort.

  • I'm doing the safety demo knowing full well you're all ignoring me.

  • I might as well be doing the Macarena.

  • There's absolutely no way that that's gonna fit in the overhead compartment, but I'm gonna watch you try anyway.

  • I'm not a bartender.

  • So I will not be granting you a Bloody Mary with Worcestershire sauce.

  • Oh, is this your newborn's first time flying?

  • How could you do that to us?

  • There's no turbulence.

  • I just turned on the seat belt sign because I want you to stay the hell out of my way.

  • Diet soda takes forever to pour.

  • Here's a regular one.

  • You won't know the difference.

  • Pressing the call button repeatedly isn't gonna make me tend to you any faster.

  • In fact, it's gonna make me go slower.

  • When I said I would check your bag, that was a courtesy, but you were rude so now it's going to Baltimore.

  • You know that vodka we just ran out of?

  • We use it to make crew juice in the galley.

  • Go ahead, tug my skirt one more time.

  • I dare you.

  • I said pretzels or peanuts.

  • This isn't an all you can eat buffet, honey.

  • I have no idea where we're flying over right now.

  • So I'll just say the Bahamas.

  • Since you blatantly ignored the seat belt sign, I hope the turbulence knocks you on your ass.

  • Oh, you think I'm coming through the cabin to pick up your trash?

  • No, I'm crop-dusting.

  • Enjoy smelling my farts.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard.

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B2 US BuzzFeed jazz music seat belt turbulence jazz energetic

If Flight Attendants Were Honest

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    YSI posted on 2021/06/16
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