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  • Jim, I want to talk about masturbation.

  • Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.

  • And I have to admit, uh, you know.

  • I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger.

  • - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." - [Groans]

  • Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud."

  • I never did it with baked goods.

  • But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.

  • See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game.

  • You see? It's like... It's like...

  • banging a tennis ball against a brick wall.

  • Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.

  • - Right. No. - It's not a game.

  • What you want is you want a partner to return the ball.

  • - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.

  • - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner.

  • - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course.

  • Good.

  • So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on...

  • the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back...

  • on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff.

Jim, I want to talk about masturbation.

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American Pie (7/12) Movie CLIP - Jim Wants a Partner (1999) HD

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    Why Why posted on 2013/04/20
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