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  • - Thanksgiving is a big day for family,

  • and one of the most stressful parts

  • is figuring out where to seat the people at the dinner table.

  • That is--don't you think that that's the hardest thing?

  • 'Cause they're like, "Why am I

  • sitting over here when--" You know.

  • So today I thought I would help you out.

  • Bring out my table, please.

  • [audience laughter]

  • All right, well.

  • These are not ghosts. These are--

  • [audience laughter]

  • These are representing your family,

  • and I am going to show you how things should go.

  • All right.

  • So here we go.

  • So here at the end of the table,

  • we have Grandma, because...

  • [audience laughter]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • It's a good place for a grandma to be,

  • because let's be honest:

  • Grandma's gonna keep talking about "those people"

  • and you don't know who she's talking about,

  • but you're pretty sure it's offensive,

  • so it's best that nobody hears

  • what she's talking about.

  • All right, over here, we have your Uncle Bob.

  • And... [audience laughter]

  • he's gonna have Bluetooth in his ear the entire time,

  • even though no one is calling him.

  • [audience laughter]

  • He was also on the last episode of "Dateline,"

  • so we keep him down here.

  • Next to him is his new wife, Crystal.

  • [audience laughter]

  • [laughter and applause]

  • She's into stuffing and I don't mean the food.

  • [audience laughter]

  • What--[laughs]

  • [audience laughter]

  • What's awkward is that she's seated right next to

  • your uncle's first wife, Jan.

  • Now I'm scared to take things off here.

  • Oh. [audience laughter]

  • Looks like Jan's been crying.

  • She's mad because he got the big screen TV,

  • and her stuffing is old and flat.

  • [audience laughter]

  • So-- [audience laughter]

  • [audience laughter]

  • [laughs]

  • She's stuck between the new wife and your Aunt Melissa.

  • Who is--[laughs]

  • [audience laughter]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • - Napkin? - Thank you.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Who usually brings her "roommate," but...

  • [audience laughter]

  • Judy, but Judy just moved out,

  • so Melissa is eating all the stuffing,

  • and I do mean the food.

  • Um-- [audience laughter]

  • So-- [audience laughter]

  • Over here, we have the kids' table.

  • At my house, we call that "outside."

  • And... [audience laughter]

  • If it's inside in your house, here's an idea

  • to make everything less stressful.

  • Hey kids. [audience laughter]

  • [audience laughter]

  • You send the kids over to the main table.

  • Go on, git. Git.

  • You get to the main table,

  • and then you stay here and enjoy a nice meal all by yourself.

  • [laughter and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • And then, as soon as the dinner is over,

  • you pretend like you're sleeping until the dishes are done,

  • and then, you just work off that meal with a dance.

- Thanksgiving is a big day for family,

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A2 US TheEllenShow audience laughter laughter table stuffing git

Ellen's Thanksgiving Seating Strategy

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    彭如敏 posted on 2015/11/26
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