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  • You're welcome.

  • You're welcome.

  • You're welcome

  • Look, I know everyone's all up in arms about the comments I made about Megyn Kelly after last week's GOP debate.

  • which, by the way, I won easily.

  • (laughter)

  • I was fantastic. The ratings were huge!

  • Anyway, yesterday I called Megyn Kelly to personally not apologize.

  • When I said blood was coming out of her wherever, I obviously meant nose and ears.

  • If you think I was talking about something else, you're a deviant.

  • (laughter)

  • I was not referring to hormones or menstruation.

  • Period.

  • (laughter)

  • Anyone who thinks otherwise is a total deviant.

  • It's amazing how the media loves to twist my words and viciously attack me.

  • It happens all the time.

  • Like last week, when I said that my wife, Melania, had the best melons in the world,

  • of course I meant her honeydew melons.

  • Which, by the way, can't be beat.

  • Only a deviant would think I was talking about her boobs.

  • (laughter)

  • Which, by the way, are classy and fantastic.

  • (laughter)

  • On the other day, when I said to...

  • that Carly Fiorina had too much junk in the trunk,

  • I was obviously talking about the amount of stuff she keeps in the back of her Hyundai Sonata.

  • It's like a Costco back there.

  • She has a...

  • She has a case of those giant cans of juicy-juice.

  • You know, the ones you have to open with a can opener on both sides.

  • I prefer juice drinks that don't come in a paint can, okay?

  • Deviant.

  • For last month, when I said I'd love to have a foursome with Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj

  • I was simply talking about golf.

  • Which also explains why I said I'd love for them to wash my balls.

  • Deviant.

  • Deviant, okay?

  • Or when I said that me and Gary Pusey like to do it doggy style

  • I just meant

  • I just meant that sometimes I'll toss a frisbee, and he'll catch it in his mouth like a dog.

  • What else could that possibly mean?

  • Deviant

  • Twisting my words

  • And finally, when I said I love fat Tony's big, greasy sausage and couldn't wait to get it in my mouth,

  • How could you not know I was talking about my local butcher Tony Esposito

  • and his quality made products

  • Deviants.

  • (applause)

  • Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the campaign trail and pounce on Bush.

  • What?! Deviants! Deviants! Deviants!

  • Cue the music

You're welcome.

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