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  • I don't know, I mean, she's so weird.

  • She just, you know, came up to me

  • And started talking to me about crack.

  • She's so pathetic.

  • Let me tell you something about janis ian.

  • We were best friends in middle school.

  • I know, right?

  • It's so embarrassing. I don't even--

  • Whatever.

  • So then in eighth grade,

  • I started going out with my first boyfriend,

  • Kyle, who was totally gorgeous, but then he moved to indiana.

  • And janis was, like, weirdly jealous of him.

  • Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with kyle,

  • She'd be like, "why didn't you call me back?"

  • And I'd be like, "why are you so obsessed with me?"

  • So then, for my birthday party,

  • Which was an all-girls pool party,

  • I was like, "janis, I can't invite you,

  • Because I think you're a lesbian."

  • I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian at my party.

  • There are gonna be girls there in their bathing suits.

  • I mean, right? She was a lesbian.

  • So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her.

  • It was so retarded.

  • And then she dropped out of school

  • Because no one would talk to her.

  • When she came back in the fall for high school,

  • All of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird,

  • And now I guess she's on crack.

  • Oh, my god! I love your skirt.

I don't know, I mean, she's so weird.

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