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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and a life that you love so much. And today’s Q&A Tuesday, and you know what that means.

  • That means Qs and As. And today’s question comes from Catherine and she writes:

  • Hi Marie, your show is so helpful and full of action filled advice. Thank you so much for being you.”

  • Youre welcome. “I have a problem that’s hurting my personal growth.

  • I need to have a thicker skin. I’m very sensitive to other people’s emotions and energy.

  • Though I try to push past what’s bothering me, it ends up taking over my whole day.

  • It’s horrible. What steps can I take to have a tougher skin? Thank you for your help.

  • Love, Catherine.”

  • Great question Catherine. So many of us can relate to this, especially me because

  • I'm a very sensitive person myself. And when negative energy or some toxic things come your way,

  • it can really feel like a punch in the gut, and it can take some time to move through your emotional system.

  • But here’s the thing that I want you to know.

  • Your sensitivity is a gift. I mean, for me it’s a tremendous gift. It helps me do what I do more effectively,

  • so it’s not necessarily about toughening up, it’s about smartening up,

  • and it’s about realizing that there are practices you can put in place to really

  • integrate your heart and your mind to deal more effectively, and here are three that I wanna share.

  • Number one is start your day smart. So this is important for everybody,

  • but especially important if you are emotionally sensitive. So recognize that to a large degree,

  • each of us gets to control what we focus on first, second, third, et cetera. So you don't wanna even

  • invite the possibility of getting thrown off first thing in your day by going straight into email or social media or even having appointments with other people.

  • It's like playing Russian roulette with your day, so don't do it. Focus on doing your most important work first.

  • So meditation, working out, creative writing, whatever that means to you.

  • Not only does this help you prioritize more effectively, but it really mitigates the chance that youre

  • gonna get thrown off by other people’s energy.

  • Number two is consider the source. So if negative energy or criticism comes your way,

  • rather than letting that punched in the gut feeling just take you down and out, stop and consider

  • the source. Ask yourself, why might this person be upset or be saying what theyre saying?

  • Now, I know that this is easier said than done, but if you really slow down,

  • and you really consider the source and think about that person’s point of view,

  • it can help you deal more effectively with whatever’s coming your way, and youll start to notice,

  • well, this isn’t necessarily about me. It’s actually about them.

  • For example, if there’s just some random ass hat saying cruel, mean things to you on the internet,

  • you can pretty much bet that that person is miserable, they are lashing out,

  • and what you need to do is forgive and delete and move However, if you get

  • some negative feedback or some constructive criticism from a friend or a boss or a client,

  • really slow down and remember, not all criticism is bad. In fact,

  • if you can really consider the source you might be able to grow from it. So youve gotta ask yourself,

  • is there any grain of truth to what they said that could possibly be true and that could help

  • you to grow and be better and do better? Again, I know this is easier said than done,

  • but if youre open to it you might consider saying something like this:

  • Ok, I hear your perspective, and I’d like to do better. Do you have specific feedback

  • I can use to improve?”

  • That’s not always the appropriate response, but sometimes it can really help.

  • But most importantly, you have to put criticism in its rightful place. So to paraphrase a saying,

  • when someone criticizes you it defines who they are, not who you are. So all criticism

  • really tells you is what someone else thinks or believes. That’s just their opinion.

  • It does not reflect on your intrinsic value or the value of what you create.

  • Sometimes youll wanna take that feedback in and sometimes you won’t.

  • Number three is feel it for five and then say buh-bye. So what I mean by that is this,

  • we all get upset from time to time. Right? And to deny that you feel upset or disappointed

  • or angry like, “Oh, I shouldn’t feel this,” or, “I should be over this thing by now,”

  • or, “I should be bigger by this by some point in my life.” That is not useful,

  • so don’t do it. 99% of the time we can’t help it. Right? Were human, we feel things.

  • Here’s something that I do that really helps. You have to feel the physical sensation

  • without the mental interpretations. What’s that mean? That means feel that kind of punch in the gut

  • or the heavy heart or the actual physical sensation of being upset and feel it fully,

  • because when it comes to emotions youve gotta feel it to heal it. But if you don't

  • attach some kind of mental drama to it, it moves through you pretty darn fast.

  • I mean think about when you stub your toe on your bedpost, right? You don’t attach a whole

  • mental drama like, “Oh my God, my life is ending.” No, you just feel that you stubbed

  • your toe and then in like 5 minutes it’s over. So what youve gotta do here is really

  • feel it for five and then say buh-bye. Most importantly, Catherine,

  • being able to feel things deeply can be an incredible asset in your life, so don't shut down your heart

  • or develop some protective armor to protect yourself against a cruel world.

  • And if you need a reminder, remember this tweetable.

  • Sensitivity is a sign of strength. It’s not about toughening up, it’s about smartening up."

  • Catherine, that was my A to your Q, I really hope it helps. And remember, you have to embrace

  • your sensitivity as a gift because it is one. Now I would love to hear from you.

  • If you consider yourself a sensitive person, what are some of the practices that you use to

  • both keep your heart open and stay strong?

  • Now, as always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at,

  • so head on over and leave a comment now.

  • Did you like this video? If so, subscribe to our channel and

  • I would be so appreciative if you shared it with your friends because it’s awesome.

  • If you want even more great resources to create a business and life that you love,

  • plus some personal insights from me that I only get to talk about when I’m writing on email,

  • come on over to and make sure you sign up for email updates.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

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Should You Toughen Up? Unexpected Advice For Sensitive Souls

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    Adam Huang posted on 2015/07/06
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