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  • - SO BRUNO MARS IS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NOW

  • WAITING FOR A NURSE THAT WE HAVE.

  • WE HAVE HIDDEN CAMERAS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM.

  • HE HAS AN EARPIECE.

  • HE'S GOT TO SAY WHATEVER I TELL HIM TO SAY TO THE NURSE,

  • AND, BRUNO, WHEN SHE COMES IN,

  • JUST--FIRST THING, JUST WHEN SHE COMES IN,

  • JUST SAY, "THANKS FOR COMING,"

  • AND "DO YOU MIND TAKING YOUR SHOES OFF?"

  • THAT'S THE FIRST THING.

  • - GOT IT. - OKAY.

  • [knocking]

  • - COME IN.

  • HI, HOW ARE YOU?

  • COULD YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, PLEASE?

  • - WHAT? - THAT'S A NO--

  • - NO-SHOE ZONE. - NO-SHOE ZONE.

  • - OH, I'M SORRY. - DO YOU MIND?

  • - AS A NURSE, I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.

  • - DO YOU MIND?

  • - I'M SORRY?

  • - I'M SORRY? WHAT?

  • - AS A NURSE, I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.

  • - OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A NURSE.

  • - OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A NURSE.

  • - OKAY. - OKAY.

  • - OKAY, I'M BRUNO.

  • - I'M BRUNO.

  • - NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

  • - WELL, ACTUALLY, WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,

  • MY NAME IS RAMON.

  • - WELL, ACTUALLY, WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,

  • MY NAME IS RAMON.

  • - OH.

  • - YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.

  • - BUT YOU-- SO YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.

  • - RAMON? - YES.

  • - OKAY.

  • - OKAY, AND YOUR NAME IS? - AND YOUR NAME IS?

  • - MY NAME IS DEBORAH. - DEBORAH.

  • - DEBORAH. - TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING.

  • HOW MUCH TRAINING DO YOU HAVE?

  • - CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING?

  • - OKAY.

  • - HOW MUCH TRAINING HAVE YOU HAD?

  • - WELL, PRETTY MUCH, I WENT TO SCHOOL--

  • IT'S ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.

  • - MM. - MM.

  • - I'M LICENSED BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

  • - OKAY. - OKAY, YOU SEEM NICE.

  • - YOU SEEM NICE. - OH, THANK YOU.

  • - SO JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT, RIGHT?

  • - JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT?

  • - YES. - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

  • - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

  • - I'M FEELING SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,

  • AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

  • - WAS I SUPPOSED TO ASSESS YOU?

  • - YEAH, I'M FEELING SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,

  • AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

  • - OKAY.

  • - I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME, THOUGH.

  • - I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME, THOUGH.

  • - OH. THAT'S FINE.

  • - OKAY. - OKAY, UM...

  • ARE YOU ABLE TO SWALLOW OKAY?

  • - NO, I HAVE NOT SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.

  • - NO, I HAVEN'T--I HAVEN'T SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.

  • - IT'S LIKE A--I HAVE, LIKE, A CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.

  • - LAST WEEK, OR?

  • - IT'S LIKE I HAVE A CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.

  • - I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME.

  • I HAD A--EITHER A CHEX MIX, OR--

  • - I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME. - OH, YEAH.

  • - IT WAS EITHER CHEX MIX...

  • - OR A DORITO. - OR DORITO...

  • - OR A FRITO. - FRITO.

  • - PRINGLE. - OKAY.

  • - PRINGLE. - IT WAS NOT A PRINGLE.

  • I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE, BUT THEY DID NOT--

  • - I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE, IT WASN'T A PRINGLE, ACTUALLY.

  • - THEY DID NOT GIVE ME PRINGLES, AND I'D ASKED FOR THAT.

  • - THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME PRINGLES. I ASKED FOR PRINGLES.

  • - NO PRINGLES IN MY DRESSING ROOM.

  • - THERE WAS NO PRINGLES IN MY DRESSING ROOM.

  • - WHY DO PRINGLES COME IN A TENNIS BALL--

  • - WHY DO PRINGLES COME IN TENNIS BALL CANS?

  • - LIKE, WHY DO THEY DO THAT, DO YOU THINK?

  • - WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO THAT?

  • - PROBABLY BECAUSE THE SHAPE OF IT.

  • - OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

  • YOU'RE RIGHT. - YOU'RE RIGHT.

  • YOU'RE RIGHT. - YOU'RE RIGHT, THE SHAPE.

  • - OKAY, THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.

  • - THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.

  • - IT'S A FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY.

  • - IT'S A FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY.

  • [audience laughter]

  • - ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS, THEN?

  • - OH, I WAS JUST THINKING IT TO MYSELF.

  • - NO, I WAS JUST THINKING IT TO MYSELF.

  • - OH, GOT IT.

  • - YOU HAD TO BE THERE. - YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

  • - OH, OKAY.

  • - HOW MANY THROATS HAVE YOU LOOKED AT?

  • - HOW MANY THROATS HAVE YOU LOOKED AT?

  • - QUITE A FEW.

  • DOES IT--WOULD IT FREAK YOU OUT IF I ACTUALLY TOUCH YOUR THROAT?

  • - YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT. - TO CHECK IT?

  • - YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT.

  • - OKAY, DO YOU MIND WITH MY HANDS,

  • OR WOULD YOU RATHER ME PUT A GLOVE ON OR SOMETHING

  • IF IT FREAKS YOU OUT?

  • - TWO GLOVES. - CAN YOU PUT TWO GLOVES ON?

  • - THAT'S FINE.

  • - DID YOU SEE ME ON THE SUPER BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE?

  • - DID YOU SEE ME ON THE SUPER BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE?

  • - NO, I DON'T WATCH THE SUPER BOWL.

  • - OH, I NAILED IT. - I NAILED IT.

  • - IT WAS SO GOOD. - IT WAS SO GOOD.

  • - SO, SO GOOD. - SO, SO GOOD.

  • - [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH - [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH

  • - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

  • - ANYWAY. - ANYWAY.

  • - WHY DID YOU GO ON THE SUPER BOWL?

  • - WHY DID I GO ON THE SUPER BOWL?

  • - WHY DID I GO ON THE SUPER BOWL?

  • - WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON-- WHAT DID YOU DO?

  • - I SANG.

  • - I MEAN, I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH IT.

  • - OH, I SANG.

  • - I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FOOTBALL.

  • - OH, OKAY. - YEAH, NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.

  • - NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.

  • - I JUST--I SANG. - I SANG.

  • - OH, OKAY.

  • - I'M BRUNO MARS. I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.

  • YOU DON'T KNOW ME 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.

  • - I'M BRUNO MARS. I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.

  • THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

  • - OH.

  • - YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?

  • WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

  • - YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?

  • IS WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

  • - LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP. - LIKE, BEEP, BEEP.

  • IT'S LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP.

  • - BACK UP WHEN YOU DO THAT. STAND UP AND BACK UP.

  • - IT'S LIKE WHEN I'M GOING BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

  • - YEAH.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • - AND, ALSO, IT HURTS WHEN I GO, KA-KA!

  • - IT HURTS WHEN I GO...

  • [caws]

  • [audience laughter]

  • - OKAY, HOW LONG AGO DID THIS START?

  • - UM, LIKE, AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.

  • - LIKE, AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.

  • - JUST SUPER BOWL?

  • - YEAH. - AFTER THAT.

  • AFTER YOU ATE A CHIP?

  • - YES. - YES.

  • - HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DOCTOR AFTER THAT?

  • - I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR. - I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR.

  • - OKAY.

  • YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DOCTOR BEFORE?

  • - NOPE. - NOPE.

  • - START CRYING.

  • - MAYBE IT'S TIME TO... - [sniffles]

  • - CRY. JUST...

  • - [sniffling]

  • [audience laughter]

  • - OH, IT HURTS SO BAD.

  • - [crying] IT HURTS SO BAD.

  • - RAMON IS SAD. RAMON IS SAD.

  • - [crying] RAMON IS SAD.

  • - I'M SORRY.

  • - OKAY, YOU CAN START FEELING BETTER NOW.

  • - AH, I FEEL BETTER.

  • - EVERYTHING'S FINE?

  • - [sighs]

  • - [laughs]

  • - YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PAIN?

  • - NO, I'M COMPLETELY FINE.

  • - I'M COMPLETELY FINE. - IT'S WEIRD.

  • - IT'S WEIRD. - WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?

  • WHAT DID YOU DO? - WHAT DID YOU DO?

  • - NOTHING.

  • - YOU'RE SO GOOD. - YOU'RE SO GOOD.

  • - YOU'RE SO GOOD. - YOU'RE SO GOOD.

  • YOU'RE GOOD.

  • YOU... - YOU ARE GOOD.

  • GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

  • - YOU ARE GOOD.

  • - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

  • GOOD, GOOD.

  • - YOU ARE GOOD. - YOU'RE GOOD.

  • - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - THANK YOU.

  • - THANKS FOR BEING HERE. - THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

  • - NO PROBLEM. I'M GLAD YOU'RE FEELING BETTER.

  • - OKAY. - OKAY.

  • - I'M HERE, ACTUALLY-- YOU KNOW THE SHOW, RIGHT?

  • "THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW"? - IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

  • - YOU KNOW "THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW," RIGHT?

  • - YEAH. - YEAH.

  • - YEAH. - WELL, YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW.

  • - YEAH. - WELL, YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW.

  • - THERE'S CAMERAS IN HERE. - THERE'S CAMERAS HERE.

  • HERE, HERE, HERE.

  • - SHE WAS TELLING ME WHAT TO SAY.

  • - AND SHE WAS TELLING ME WHAT TO SAY.

  • [laughter]

  • SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.

  • SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.

  • YOU GOT TO SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.

  • WASN'T SHE GREAT?

  • - WE'LL BE BACK.

- SO BRUNO MARS IS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NOW

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