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  • [MUSIC]

  • Welcome.

  • I'm very excited today to talk about effective speaking in

  • spontaneous situations.

  • I thank you all for

  • joining us, even though the title of my talk is grammatically incorrect.

  • I thought that might scare a few of you away.

  • But I learned teaching here at the business school,

  • catching people's attention is hard.

  • So, something as simple as that, I thought, might draw a few of you here, so

  • this is going to be a highly interactive and participative workshop today.

  • If you don't feel comfortable participating that's completely fine, but

  • do know I'm gonna ask you to talk to people next to you.

  • They'll be opportunities to stand up and

  • practice some things because I believe the way we become effective communicators is

  • by actually communicating, so let's get started right away.

  • I'd like to ask you all to read this sentence, and as you read this sentence,

  • what's most important to me is that you count the number of fs

  • that you find in this sentence, please.

  • Count the number of fs.

  • Keep it quiet to yourself.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • Give you just another couple seconds here.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • Three, two, one.

  • Raise your hand please if you found three and only three f's.

  • Excellent, great. Did anybody find four?

  • Anybody find only five fs?

  • Anybody find six?

  • There's six fs.

  • What two letter word ending in f did many of us miss?

  • Oh. We'll make sure to get this to you so

  • you can torment your friends and family at a later date.

  • When I first was exposed to this over 12 years ago I only found three, and

  • I felt really stupid.

  • So, I like to start every workshop,

  • every class I teach with to pass that feeling along.

  • No, no. [LAUGH] That's not,

  • that's not why I do this.

  • I do this because this is a perfect analogy for

  • what we're going to be talking about today.

  • The vast majority of us in this room, very smart people in this room,

  • were not as effective as we could have been in this activity.

  • We didn't get it right.

  • And the same is true when it comes to speaking in public,

  • particularly when spontaneous speaking.

  • It's little things that make a big difference in being affective.

  • So today we're going to talk about little things in terms of your approach, your

  • attitude, your practice, that can change how you feel when you speak in public.

  • And we're gonna be talking primarily about one type of public speaking.

  • Not the type that you plan for in advance, the type

  • that you actually spend time thinking about, you might even create slides for.

  • These are the key notes, the conference presentation, the formal toasts.

  • That's not what we are talking about today,

  • we are talking about spontaneous speaking.

  • When you are in a situation that you are asked to speak off the cuff and

  • in the moment.

  • What we're going through today is actually the result of a workshop I

  • created here for the business school.

  • Several years ago, a survey was taken among the students, and they said, what's

  • one of the, what are things we could do to help make you more successful here?

  • And at the top of that list was this notion of responding to cold calls.

  • Does everybody know what a cold call is?

  • It's where the mean professor like me looks at some student and

  • says, what do you think?

  • And there was a lot of panic, and a lot of silence.

  • So as a result of that, this workshop was created, and

  • a vast majority of first year students here at the GSB go through this workshop.

  • So I'm gonna walk you through sort of a hybrid version of what they do.

  • The reality is that spontaneous speaking is actually more

  • prevalent than planned speaking.

  • Perhaps it's giving introductions.

  • You're at a dinner and

  • somebody says, you know so and so, would you mind introducing them?

  • Maybe it's giving feedback.

  • In the moment, your boss turns to you and says, would you tell me what you think?

  • It could be a surprise toast.

  • Or finally, it could be during the Q and A session.

  • And by the way,

  • we will leave plenty of time at the end of our day today for Q and A.

  • I'd love to hear the questions you have about this topic or

  • other topics related to communicating.

  • So our agenda is simple, in order to be an effective communicator, regardless of if

  • it's planned or spontaneous, you need to have your anxiety under control.

  • So we'll start there.

  • Second, what we're going to talk about is some ground rules for

  • the interactivity we'll have today and

  • then finally we're going to get into the heart of what we will be covering and

  • again, as I said, lots of activity and I invite you to participate.

  • So lets get started with anxiety management.

  • 85% of people tell us that they're nervous when speaking in public.

  • And I think the other 15% are lying.

  • Okay? We could create a situation where we

  • could make them nervous too.

  • In fact, just this past week a study from Chapman University asked American's,

  • what are the things you fear most?

  • And among being caught in a surprise terrorist attack,

  • having identity, your identity stolen, was public speaking.

  • Among the top five was speaking in front of others.

  • This is a ubiquitous fear, and one that I believe we can learn to manage.

  • And I use that word manage very carefully because I

  • don't think we ever want to overcome it.

  • Anxiety actually helps us.

  • It gives us energy, helps us focus, tells us what we're doing is important.

  • But we want to learn to manage it.

  • So I'd like to introduce you to a few techniques that can work and

  • all of these techniques are based on academic research.

  • But before we get there, I'd love to ask you what does it feel like

  • when you're sitting in the audience watching a nervous speaker present,

  • how do you feel, just shout out a few things, how to do you feel?

  • >> Uncomfortable.

  • >> Uncomfortable.

  • I heard many of you going, yes, uncomfortable.

  • It feels very awkward, doesn't it?

  • So what do we do?

  • Now a couple of you probably like watching somebody suffer.

  • [LAUGH] 'Kay, but most of us don't.

  • So what do we do?

  • We sit there and we nod and we smile or we disengage.

  • And to the nervous speaker looking out at his or

  • her audience seeing a bunch of people nodding or disengaged, that does not help.

  • Okay. So we need to manage our anxiety.

  • Cuz, fundamentally, your job as a communicator rather, regardless of

  • if it's planned or spontaneous, is to make your audience comfortable.

  • Because if they're comfortable they can receive your message.

  • And when I say comfortable I am not referring to the fact that

  • your message has to be sugar coated and nice for them to hear.

  • It can be a harsh message.

  • But they have to be in a place where they can receive it.

  • So it's incumbent on you as a communicator to help your audience feel comfortable and

  • we do that by managing our anxiety.

  • So let me introduce you to a few techniques that I think you can

  • use right away to help you feel more comfortable.

  • The first has to do with when you begin to feel those anxiety symptoms.

  • For most people this happens the, in the initial minutes prior to speaking.

  • In this situation what happens is many of us begin to feel whatever it

  • is that happens to you.

  • Maybe your stomach gets a little gurgly.

  • Maybe your legs begin to shake.

  • Maybe you begin to perspire.

  • And then we start to say to ourselves, oh, my goodness, I'm nervous.

  • oh. They're gonna tell I'm nervous.

  • This is not gonna go well.

  • And we start spiraling out of control.

  • So, research on mindful attention tells us that if,

  • when we begin to feel those anxiety symptoms,

  • we simply greet our anxiety and say hey, this is me feeling nervous.

  • I'm about to do something of consequence.

  • And simply by greeting your anxiety and acknowledging it,

  • that it's normal and natural.

  • Heck, 85% of people tell us they have it.

  • You actually can stem the tide of that anxiety spiraling out of control.

  • It's not necessarily going to reduce the anxiety but

  • it will stop it from spinning out.

  • So the next time you begin to feel those anxiety signs,

  • take a deep breath and say, this is me feeling anxious.

  • I notice a few of you taking some notes.

  • There's a handout that will come at the end.

  • It has everything that I'm supposed to say, okay?

  • Can't guarantee I'm gonna say it, but you'll have it there.

  • In addition to this approach, a technique that works very well, and

  • this is a technique that I helped do some research on way back when I was in

  • graduate school, has to do with re-framing how you see the speaking situation.

  • Most of us, when we are up presenting, planned or

  • spontaneous, we feel that we have to do it right and we feel like we are performing.

  • How many of you have ever acted, done singing or

  • dancing, I am not going to ask for performances now, okay.

  • Many of you have.

  • We should note that we could do next year, maybe, a talent show of alums.

  • It looks like we got the talent there.

  • That's great.

  • So when you perform, you know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

  • If you don't hit your, the right note or you right line at the right time,

  • at the right place, you've made a mistake.

  • It messes up the audience.

  • It messes up the people on stage.

  • But when you present, there is no right way.

  • There's certainly better and worse ways.

  • But there is no one right way.

  • So we need to look at presenting as something other than performance.

  • And what I'd like to suggest is what we need to see this is as is a conversation.

  • Right now, I'm having a conversation with 100 plus people.

  • Rather than saying I'm performing for you.

  • But it's not enough just to say, this is a conversation.

  • I want to give you some concrete things you can do.

  • First, start with questions.

  • Questions by their very nature are dialogic, they're two way.

  • What was one of the very first things I did here for you?

  • I had you count the number of fs and raise your hands.

  • I asked you a question.

  • That gets your audience involved,

  • it makes it feel to me as the presenter as if we're in conversation.

  • So, use questions.

  • They can be rhetorical.

  • They can be polling, perhaps I actually want to hear information from you.

  • In fact, I use questions when I create an outline for my presentations.

  • Rather than writing bullet points, I list questions that I'm going to answer.

  • And that puts me in that conversational mode.

  • If you were to look at my notes for

  • today's talk, you'll see it's just a series of questions.

  • Right now I'm answering the question, how do we manage our anxiety?

  • Beyond questions, another very useful technique for

  • making us conversational is to use conversational language.

  • Many nervous speakers distance themselves physically.

  • If youve ever seen a nervous speaker present, he or

  • she will say something like this.

  • Welcome, I am really excited to be here with you.

  • They pull as far away from you as possible,

  • because you threaten us, speakers.

  • You make us nervous so we want to get away from you.

  • We do the same thing linguistically.

  • We use language that distances ourselves.

  • It's not unusual to hear a nervous speaker say something like,

  • one must consider the ramifications.

  • Or, today we're going to cover step one, step two, step three.

  • That's very distancing language.

  • To be more conversational, use conversational language.

  • Instead of one must consider say,

  • this is important to you, we all need to be concerned with.

  • Do you hear that inclusive conversational language?

  • Has to do with the pronouns.

  • Instead of step 1, step, 2, step 3.

  • First what we need to do is this, the second thing you should consider is here.

  • Use conversational language, so

  • being conversational can also help you manage your anxiety.

  • The third technique I would like to share is research that I actually started when I

  • was an undergraduate here, I was very fortunate to study with

  • Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford Prison experiment fame.

  • Many people don't know that Zim actually was instrumental in starting one of

  • the very first shyness institutes in the, the world and especially in the country.

  • And I did some research with him that looked at how your orientation to time

  • influences how you react.

  • And what we learned is if you can bring yourself into the present moment,

  • rather than being worried about the future consequences,

  • you can actually be less nervous.

  • Most of us, when we present, are worried about the future consequences.

  • My students are worried they're not going to get the right grade.

  • Some of you are worried you might not get the funding.

  • You might not get the support.

  • You might not get the laughs that you want.

  • All of those are future states.

  • So if we can bring ourselves into the present moment, we're not going to be

  • as concerned about those future states and therefore we will be less nervous.

  • There are lots of ways to become present oriented.

  • I know a professional speaker, he's paid $10,000 an hour to speak.

  • It's a good gig.

  • He gets very nervous.

  • He's up in front of crowds of thousands.

  • Behind the stage what he does is 100 push-ups right before he comes out.

  • [LAUGH] You can't be that physically active and not be in the present moment.

  • Now, I'm not recommending all of us go to that level of exertion cuz he

  • starts out out of breath and sweaty, okay?

  • [LAUGH] But a walk around the building before you speak.

  • That can do it. There are other ways.

  • If you've ever watched athletes perform and

  • get ready to do their event, they listen to music.

  • They focus on a song or a playlist that helps get them in the moment.

  • You can do things as simple as counting backwards from 100

  • by tough number like 17.

  • I'm gonna pause 'cuz I know people in the room are trying.

  • Yeah.

  • Get's hard after that third or fourth one, I know.

  • My favorite way to get present-oriented is to say tongue twisters.

  • Saying a tongue twister forces you to be in the moment.

  • Otherwise you'll say it wrong.

  • And it has the added benefit of warming up your voice.

  • Most nervous speakers don't warm up their voice.

  • They retreat inside themselves and start saying all these bad things to themselves.

  • So, saying a tongue twister can help you be both present-oriented and

  • warm up your voice.

  • Remember, I said today we're gonna have a lot of participation?

  • I'm gonna ask you to repeat after me my favorite tongue twister, and

  • I like this tongue twister because if you say it wrong you say a naughty word, and

  • I'm gonna be listening to see if I hear any naughty words this morning.

  • Okay?

  • Repeat after me.

  • It's only three phrases.

  • I slit a sheet.

  • A sheet I slit.

  • And on that slitted sheet I sit.

  • Very good, no shits.

  • Excellent.

  • Very good.

  • Now in that moment, in that moment, you weren't worried about,

  • I'm in front of all these people, this is weird, this guy's having me do this.

  • You were so focused on saying it right and

  • trying to figure out what the naughty word was that you were in the present moment.

  • That's how easy it is.

  • So it's very possible for us to manage our anxiety.

  • We can do it initially by greeting the anxiety when we begin to feel those signs.

  • We can do it when we re-frame the situation as a conversation.

  • And we do it when we become present oriented.

  • Those are three of many tools that exist to help you manage your anxiety.

  • If you have questions about other ways, I'm happy to chat with you.

  • And at the end, I'm gonna point you to some resources that you can

  • refer to to help you find additional sources for you.

  • So let's get started on the core part of what we're doing today,

  • which is how to feel more comfortable speaking in spontaneous situations.

  • Some very simple ground rules for you.

  • First, I'm going to identify four steps that I believe are critical to

  • becoming effective at speaking in, in a spontaneous situation.

  • With each of those steps, I'm going to ask you to participate in an activity.

  • None of them are more painful than saying the tongue twister out loud.

  • They may require you to stand up, they might require you to talk to

  • the person next to you, but none of them are painful.

  • And then finally, I'm going to conclude with a phrase or

  • saying that comes from the wonderful world of improvisation.

  • Through the continuing studies program here at Stanford, for

  • the past five years, I have co-taught a class with Adam Tobin.

  • He is a lecturer in the Creative Arts Department.

  • He teaches film and new media.

  • And he's an expert at improv.

  • And we've partnered together to help people learn how to

  • speak more spontaneously.

  • We call it improvisationally speaking.

  • And Adam has taught me wonderful phrases and

  • ideas from improv that I want to impart to you, that really stick.

  • That's why I'm sharing them with you, to help you remember these techniques.

  • And again at the end of all this, you'll get a handout that has this listed.

  • So let's get started.

  • The very first thing that gets in people's way when it comes to spontaneous speaking,

  • is themselves.

  • We get in our own way.

  • We want to be perfect.

  • We want to give the right answer.

  • We want out toast to be incredibly memorable.

  • These things are burdened by our effort, by our trying.

  • The best thing we can do,

  • the first step in our process, is to get ourselves out of the way.

  • Easier said than done.

  • Most of us in this room are in this room because we are type A personalities.

  • We work hard, we think fast, we make sure that we get things right.

  • But that can actually serve as a disservice as we try to

  • speak in the moment.

  • I'd like to demonstrate a little of this for you, and I need your help to do that.

  • So we're going to do our first activity.

  • We are going to do an activity that's called shout the wrong name.

  • In a moment, if you are able and willing, I'm going to ask you to stand.

  • And I am going to ask you, for about 30 seconds, to look all around you in

  • this environment, and you are going to point at different things.

  • And I know it's rude to point, but for this exercise, please point.

  • I want you to point to things, and you are going to call the things you

  • are pointing to, out loud, anything but what they really are.

  • So I might point to this and say, refrigerator.

  • I might point to this and say, cat.

  • I am pointing to anything in your environment around you.

  • It can be the person sitting next to you, standing next to you.

  • You will just shout, and shouting is important, the wrong name.

  • So in a moment I'm gonna ask you to stand and do that.

  • Please raise your hand if you already have the first five or

  • six things you're going to call out.

  • >> [LAUGH].

  • >> Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

  • We stockpile.

  • You all are excellent gameplayers.

  • I told you the game, shout the wrong name.

  • And you have already begun figuring out how you're going to master the game.

  • That's your brain trying to help you get it right.

  • I'd like to suggest,

  • the only way you can get this activity wrong is by doing what you've just done.

  • >> [LAUGH].

  • >> There is no way to get this wrong.

  • Okay.

  • Even if I call this a chair, no penalty will be bestowed upon you.

  • >> [LAUGH].

  • >> Okay?

  • Because I won't know what you were pointing at.

  • You could have been pointing at the floor under the chair, and

  • you called the floor the chair and you were fine.

  • The point is, we are planning and working to get it right.

  • And there is no way to get it right.

  • Just doing it gets it right.

  • Okay, so let's try this now.

  • We're gonna play this game twice.

  • Again, it's for 30 seconds.

  • If you are willing and able, will you please stand up?

  • You can do this seated, by the way.

  • But if you're willing and able, let's stand up.

  • Okay, in a moment I am about to say, go.

  • And I would like for you to point at anything around here, including me.

  • It's okay to point at me.

  • I hope it's not a bad thing you say when you point at me.

  • But point at different things, and loudly and

  • proudly call them different than what they are.

  • Ready?

  • Begin.

  • >> [CROSSTALK].

  • >> Porcupine.

  • >> [CROSSTALK].

  • >> California, salt shaker, car, library,

  • tennis racket, purple, orange, putrid.

  • Hello.

  • [NOISE] Time, time.

  • [NOISE] Let's,

  • you can stay standing, cuz in mere moments, we're going to do it again.

  • So if you're comfortable standing, we're about to do it again.

  • First, thank you.

  • That was wonderful.

  • I heard great words being called out.

  • It was, it was fun.

  • And some of you in the back were doing it in sync.

  • So it looked like you were doing some 70s disco dance.

  • It was awesome.

  • Okay.

  • This, this was great.

  • Now, let me ask you just a few questions.

  • Did you notice anything about the words that you were saying?

  • Did we find patterns, perhaps?

  • Maybe some of you were going through fruits and vegetables.

  • A few of you were going through things that started with the letter A, right?

  • That's your brain saying, okay you told me not to stockpile, so

  • I'm gonna try to be a little more devious and I'm gonna give you patterns, okay?

  • Same problem.

  • When we teach that class I told you about, that improvisationally speaking class,

  • we like to say, your brain is there to help you.

  • These things it's doing have helped you be successful, but like a windshield wiper,

  • we just wanna wipe those suggestions away and see what happens.

  • Okay.

  • So we're going to do this activity again.

  • This time, try the best you can to thank your brain if it provides you

  • with patterns or stockpiles and just say thank you brain.

  • And disregard them.

  • Okay, so lets see what happens when we're not stockpiling and

  • we're not playing off patterns.

  • We'll do this for only 15 seconds, see how this feels.

  • Baby steps.

  • Ready begin. [NOISE] Kodak, [NOISE] Bicycle chain.

  • Skate board.

  • Bananas.

  • Purple.

  • Putrid.

  • [NOISE] Time.

  • Please have a seat.

  • Thank you again.

  • Did you notice a difference between the second time and the first time.

  • Yes, was it a little easier that second time?

  • No.

  • That's okay.

  • We're just starting.

  • These skills are not like a light switch.

  • It's not like you learn these [UNKNOWN] skills and

  • then all of a sudden you can execute on them.

  • This is a wonderful game.

  • This is a wonderful game to train your brain to get out of its own way.

  • You can play this game anywhere, anytime.

  • I like to play this game when I'm sitting in traffic.

  • >> [LAUGH].

  • >> Makes me feel better than the, I shout things out.

  • They're not the naughty things that I wanna be shouting out.

  • But I shout out things, and it helps.

  • You're training yourself to get out of your own way.

  • You're working against the muscle memory that you've developed over the course of

  • your life with a vain, a brain that acts very fast to help you solve problems.

  • But in essence, in spontaneous speaking situations,

  • you put too much pressure on yourself trying to figure out how to get it right.

  • So a game like this teaches us to get out of our own way.

  • It teaches us to see the things that we do that prevent us from acting spontaneously.

  • In essence we are reacting rather than responding.

  • To react means to act again.

  • You've thought it and now you're acting on it.

  • That takes too long and it's too thoughtful.

  • We want to respond in a way that's genuine and authentic.

  • So the maxims I would like for you to take from this, and

  • again these maxims come from improvisation, is one of my favorite.

  • Dare to be dull.

  • And in a room like this, telling you dare to be dull is offensive, and I apologize.

  • But this will help.

  • Rather than stre, striving for greatness, dare to be dull.

  • And if you dare to be dull and allow yourself that,

  • you will reach that greatness.

  • It's when you set greatness as your target,

  • that it gets in the way of you ever getting there.

  • Because you over evaluate, you over analyze, you freeze up.

  • So the first step in our process today, is to get out of our own way.

  • Dare to be dull.

  • Easier said than done.

  • But once you practice,

  • and a game just as simple as the one we practiced, is a great way to do it.

  • But that's not enough.

  • Getting out of our own way is important.

  • But the second step of our process has us change how we

  • see the situation we find ourselves in.

  • We need to see the speaking opportunity that we are a part of as an opportunity,

  • rather than a challenge and a threat.

  • When I coach executives on Q and

  • A skills, when they go in front of the media or whatever, investors.

  • They see it as an adversarial experience, me versus them.

  • And one of the first things I work on is change the way you approach it.

  • A Q and A session, for example, is an opportunity for you.

  • It's an opportunity to clarify,

  • it's an opportunity to understand what people are thinking.

  • So if we look at it as an opportunity, it feels very different.

  • We see it differently, and therefore we have more freedom to respond.

  • When I feel that you are challenging me,

  • I am going to do the bare minimum to respond and protect myself.

  • If I see this as an opportunity where I have a chance to explain and

  • expand, I'm going to interact differently with you.

  • So, spontaneous speaking situations are ones that afford you opportunities.

  • So when you're at a corporate dinner, and your boss turns to you and

  • says, oh, you know him better than the rest.

  • Would you mind introducing him?

  • You say, great, thank you for the opportunity, rather than, [UNKNOWN] right?

  • I better get this right.

  • So see things as an opportunity.

  • I have a game to play to help us with this.

  • This is a fun one, the holidays are approaching, we all, in this room,

  • are going to give and receive gifts.

  • Here is how this game will work.

  • It works best if you have a partner.

  • So I am hoping you can work with somebody sitting next to you.

  • If there is nobody sitting next to you,

  • turn around, introduce yourself, great way to connect.

  • If not, you can play this game by yourself.

  • It's just a little harder, and you can't do the second part of the game.

  • So, after I explain the game, give, this gives you a chance to,

  • to get to know somebody.

  • Here's how it works.

  • If you have a partner, you and

  • your partner are going to exchange imaginary gifts, okay?

  • Pretend you have a gift.

  • It can be a big gift, can be a small gift.

  • And you will give your gift to your partner.

  • Your partner will take the gift and open it up and

  • will tell you what you gave them, because you have no, you just gave them a gift.

  • So you are going to open up the box, and you're going to look inside.

  • And you are going to say the first thing that comes to your mind in the moment,

  • not the thing you have all just thought of.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Or the thing after that.

  • Remember what we talked about before?

  • That still plays, that's still in play.

  • Okay, you're stock piling.

  • Look in there.

  • My favorite that I said, somebody gave me this, a gift during playing this game,

  • I looked inside and I saw a frog leg.

  • I don't know why I saw a frog leg, but that's what I said.

  • That's the first part of the activity.

  • Now, the opportunity is twofold in this game.

  • The opportunity is for you, the gift receiver, to name a gift.

  • That's kind of fun.

  • That's an opportunity.

  • It's not a threat.

  • But the real opportunity is for

  • the gift giver, because the gift giver then has to say.

  • So you look and you say thank you for giving me a frog's leg, and

  • the person will, will look at you and say I knew you wanted a frog's leg, because So

  • whatever you find the person who has received it is going to say absolutely,

  • I'm so glad you're happy, I got it for you because.

  • So you have to respond to whatever they say.

  • Right?

  • What a great opportunity.

  • Now some of you are sitting there going, oh, that's hard.

  • I don't wanna do it, I might make a fool out of myself.

  • Others of you are, if you're following this advice,

  • are saying, what a great opportunity.

  • Right?

  • So, the game again is played like this.

  • You and your partner will exchange, each will exchange a gift.

  • One will start, then the other will follow.

  • The first person will give a gift to the second person.

  • Second person opens the box, however big the box is, and if the box is big, and

  • you find a penny in it, perfect, doesn't matter.

  • The box is heavy and you find a feather in it, fine.

  • It doesn't, there's no way to get it wrong.

  • Okay?

  • Whatever's in the box is in the box.

  • You can return it and get what you wanted later.

  • Okay? >> [LAUGH]

  • >> The person, then, you will name it.

  • You will say thank you for the, whatever you saw in the box.

  • The person who gave it to you will say, I'm so glad you're excited.

  • I got it for you because.

  • And you will give a reason that you got them whatever they decided you gave them.

  • Make sense?

  • All right.

  • So, very quickly just,

  • in five seconds, find a partner if you're willing to do this with a partner.

  • Everybody have a partner?

  • >> [LAUGH].

  • >> Okay.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • All right. In your partnerships,

  • in your partnerships, pick an a person and a b person.

  • You may stand or sit, it's totally up to you.

  • Pick an a and pick a b.

  • Okay?

  • B goes first, [LAUGH].

  • All right.

  • B, give a a gift.

  • A thank them, and then b will name and give the reason they gave it to them.

  • [NOISE] If

  • you have not

  • switched,

  • switch

  • please.

  • If you have not switched, switch please.

  • [NOISE] Let's

  • wrap it up

  • in 30 seconds

  • please.

  • Let's wrap it up.

  • [NOISE]

  • All right.

  • If we can all have our seats.

  • [NOISE] If we can all [NOISE] take our seats please.

  • [NOISE] I know I'm telling a room of many MBA alums to stop talking and that's hard.

  • [NOISE] All right, ladies and gentlemen.

  • Did you get what you wanted?

  • >> Yes.

  • >> Pretty neat, huh?

  • You always get what you want.

  • Now for some of you this was really hard because you, you're really taking

  • the challenge and, and not seeing what was in the box until you looked in there.

  • Okay. Was anybody surprised by what you

  • found in the box?

  • What did you find sir, what was in the box?

  • What?

  • Oh, wow!

  • Nice!

  • Nice, if you've got a Ferrari you need a transmission.

  • I like it.

  • Who else found something that was surprising?

  • What did you find?

  • A live unicorn!

  • That's a great gift.

  • Right?

  • How was it as the gift giver?

  • Were you surprised at what your partner found in the box?

  • Isn't it interesting that when we give an imaginary gift knowing that

  • the person's gonna name it we already have in mind what they're gonna find?

  • And when they say live unicorn, we go well that's interesting.

  • Right?

  • So the point of this game is, to one,

  • remind ourselves we have to get out of our own way,

  • like we talked about before, but to see this as an opportunity and to have fun.

  • I love watching people play this game.

  • The number of smiles that I saw amongst you and, and I have to admit when I

  • first started some of you looked a little dour, a little doubting, okay?

  • >> [LAUGH]. >> But in that last game you all

  • were smiling and looked like you were having fun, so

  • when you reframe the spontaneous speaking opportunity as, as an opportunity,

  • as something that you co-create and share.

  • All the sudden, you are less nervous, less defensive,

  • and you can accomplish something pretty darn good.

  • In this case, a fun outcome.

  • This reminds us of perhaps the most famous of all improvisation sayings,.

  • Yes and.

  • A lot of us live our communication lives saying no but.

  • Yes and opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities.

  • And this doesn't mean you have to say yes and to a question somebody asks.

  • This just means the approach you take to the situation.

  • So you're going to ask me questions, that's an opportunity.

  • Yes, and I will follow through, versus no and being defensive.

  • So, we've accomplished the first two steps of our process.

  • First we get out of our own way,

  • [UNKNOWN] we can reframe the situation as an opportunity.

  • The next phase is also hard, but

  • very rewarding, and that is to slow down, and listen.

  • You need to understand the demands of the requirement you find yourself in,

  • in order to respond appropriately.

  • But often, we jump ahead.

  • We listen just enough to think we got it,

  • and then we go ahead, starting [UNKNOWN] to think about.

  • What we're gonna respond and then we respond.

  • We really need to listen.

  • Because fundamentally, as a communicator,

  • your job is to be in service of your audience.

  • And if you don't understand what your audience is asking or

  • needs, you can't fulfill that obligation.

  • So we need to slow down and listen.

  • I have a fun game to play.

  • [SOUND] In this game you are going to S-P-E-L-L E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G

  • Y-O-U S-A-Y T-O Y-O-U-R P-A-R-T-N-E-R.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • I will translate. You're going to get with the same partner

  • you just worked with.

  • And you are going to have a very brief conversation about something fun that you

  • plan to do today.

  • I know this is the most fun you are going to have all day.

  • But the next fun thing you are going to do today.

  • You are going to tell your partner what you are going to do that will

  • be fun today.

  • But you are going to do so by S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G I-T.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • Okay?

  • So you're going to spell it.

  • It's okay if you are not a good speller.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> 'Kay?

  • Look I, you'll see the benefit of doing this.

  • So, with the partner you just worked with, person a is going to go first this time.

  • You are simply going to tell your partner.

  • Actually you're going to spell to your partner, what it is of fun,

  • something of fun, that you're going to do today.

  • Okay?

  • Do what you were really going to do for

  • fun and not do things like F-E-E-D T-H-E C-A-T, right,

  • just cuz you don't wanna spell, right?

  • So, you can use big words.

  • Alright, 30 seconds each.

  • Spell to your partner something fun that you're going to do today.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • Would you like to play?

  • [NOISE] Go ahead.

  • >> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E. >> Oh my goodness say it again.

  • Spell it again.

  • >> Yeah. >> Yeah.

  • >> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E.

  • >> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.

  • I H-O-P-E T-H-A-T T-H-E-Y W-I-N.

  • >> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.

  • >> Thank you.

  • That was very good.

  • Thank you.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • [NOISE] If you have not switched, switch.

  • Take 30 more seconds with the new partner spelling.

  • [NOISE]

  • G-R-E-A-T

  • exclamation

  • point.

  • T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U.

  • P-L-E-A-S-E.

  • T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R S-E-A-T.

  • [NOISE] So what did we learn?

  • What did we learn?

  • Besides that we're not so good at spelling.

  • >> [INAUDIBLE] >> You have to pause between the words.

  • How did this change your interaction with the person you were interacting with?

  • What did you have to do?

  • >> Focus. >> Focus, and listen.

  • And you can't be thinking ahead.

  • You have to be in the moment.

  • When you listen and truly understand what the person is trying to say,

  • then you can respond in a better way, a more targeted response.

  • We often don't listen.

  • So we start by getting out of our own way.

  • We then reframe the situation as an opportunity.

  • Those are things we do inside our head.

  • But in the moment of interacting, we have to listen first,

  • before we can respond to the spontaneous request.

  • Perhaps my most favorite maxim comes from this activity.

  • Don't just do something, stand there.

  • [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • Listen.

  • Listen, and then respond.

  • Now, how do we respond?

  • That brings us to the fourth part of our process.

  • And that is, we have to tell a story.

  • We respond in a way that has a structure.

  • All stories have structure.

  • We have to respond in a structured way.

  • The key to successful spontaneous speaking and

  • by the way planned speaking is having a structure.

  • I would like to introduce you to two of the most prevalent and popular and useful

  • structures you can use to communicate a message in a spontaneous situation.

  • But before we get there, we have to talk about the value of structure.

  • It increases what is called processing fluency, the effectiveness of which, or

  • through which we process information.

  • We actually process structured information, roughly 40% more

  • effectively and efficiently than information that's not structured.

  • I love looking out in this audience, because you will remember as I remember.

  • Phone numbers.

  • When you had to remember them if you wanted to call somebody.

  • Okay.

  • Young folks today don't need to remember phone numbers.

  • They just need to look at a picture, push a button and

  • then the voice starts talking on the other end.

  • Ten digit phone numbers, it's actually hard to remember ten digit phone numbers.

  • How did you do it?

  • You chunked it into a structure.

  • Three, three and four.

  • Structure helps us remember.

  • The same is true when speaking spontaneously or in a planned situation.

  • So let me introduce you to two useful structures.

  • The first useful structure you have probably heard or

  • used in some incarnation, it is the problem, solution, benefit, structure.

  • You start by talking about what the issue is, the problem.

  • You then talk about a way of solving it,

  • and then you talk about the benefits of following through on it.

  • Very persuasive, very effective.

  • Helps you as the speaker remember it,

  • helps your audience know where you're going with it.

  • When I was a tour guide on this campus, many, many, many years ago,.

  • What do you think the single most important thing they

  • drilled into our head?

  • It took a full quarter, by the way, to train to be a tour guide here.

  • They used to line us up at one end of the quad, and

  • have us walk backward, straight, and if you failed you had to start over.

  • To this day, I can walk backwards in a straight like because of that.

  • As part of that training,

  • what do you think the most important thing they taught us was?

  • Never lose your tour group.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> I'm not joking.

  • Never, that's, never lose your tour group.

  • The same is true as a presenter.

  • Never lose your audience.

  • The way you keep your audience on track is by providing structure.

  • None of you would go on a tour with me if I said, hi, my name's Matt.

  • Let's go. [BLANK_AUDIO]

  • You wanna know where you're going, why you're going there,

  • how long it's gonna take?

  • You need to set expectations and structure does that.

  • Problem, solution, benefit is a wonderful structure to have in your back pocket.

  • It's something that you can use quickly when you're in the moment.

  • It can be reframed so it's not always a problem you're talking about.

  • Maybe it's an opportunity.

  • Maybe there's a market opportunity you wanna go out and capture.

  • It's not a problem that we're not doing it.

  • But maybe we'd be better off if we did.

  • So it becomes opportunity, solution, which are the steps to achieve it.

  • And then the benefit.

  • Another structure.

  • Which works equally, equally well, is the what?

  • So what?

  • Now what?

  • Structure.

  • You start by talking about what it is, then you talk about why it's important,

  • and then what the next steps are.

  • This is a wonderful formula for answering questions.

  • For introducing people.

  • So if, in the moment somebody asks me to introduce somebody,

  • I change the what to who.

  • I say who they are, why they're important and what we're gonna do next.

  • Maybe listen to them, maybe drink our wine, whatever.

  • All right.

  • What, so what, now what.

  • The reality is this, when you are in spontaneously speaking situation,

  • you have to do two things simultaneously.

  • You have to figure out what to say and how to say it.

  • These structures help you by telling you how to say it.

  • If you can become comfortable with these structures, you can be

  • in a situation where you can respond very ably to spontaneous speaking situations.

  • We're gonna practice.

  • Cuz that's what we do.

  • Here's the situation.

  • Is everybody familiar with this child's toy?

  • It's a slinky.

  • Okay?

  • You are going to sell this slinky to your partner using either problem,

  • solution, benefit or opportunity, solution, benefit.

  • What does the slinky provide you?

  • Or you could use what, so what, now what?

  • What is it? Why is it important?

  • And the next steps might be to buy it, okay?

  • So by using that structure, see how already it helps you?

  • It helps you focus.

  • Get with your partner and we,

  • we're only going to have one partner sell to the other partner, okay?

  • So get with your partner.

  • One of you will volunteer to sell to the other, okay?

  • Sell a slinky using problem, solution, benefit or what so what, now what?

  • Please begin.

  • [NOISE].

  • >> So we have the handouts, but I'm also going to be doing the, the-

  • >> The microphone?

  • >> Mic. So. >> When I debrief this, you can go ahead and pass them out.

  • Does that make sense?

  • >> Okay, so after, after.

  • >> No no, mm-hm, after this activity.

  • >> Okay. And then. >> And then.

  • >> After that.

  • >> [NOISE]

  • 30

  • more

  • seconds,

  • please.

  • [NOISE]

  • Excellent.

  • Let's all close the deal, seal the deal.

  • [NOISE] I have never seen.

  • More people in one place doing this at the same time.

  • [LAUGH] I love it.

  • I teach people to gesture and gesture big, it's great.

  • I love it.

  • So if you were the recipient of the sales pitch, thumbs up.

  • Did they do a good job?

  • Did they use the structure?

  • Awesome.

  • I'm recruiting you all for my next business as my salespeople.

  • [LAUGH] Please try to ignore this,

  • but as we're speaking the handout I told you about is coming around.

  • On the back of that handout,

  • you're going to see a list of structures, the two we talked about and

  • several others, that can help you in spontaneous speaking situations.

  • These structures help.

  • Because they help you understand, how you're going to say what you say.

  • Structure sets you free and I know that's kind of ironic, but it's true, if

  • you have that structure then you are free to think about what you are going to say.

  • It reduces the cognitive load of figuring out what you are saying, and

  • how you are going to say it.

  • All of this is on that handout, okay?

  • So what does this all mean?

  • It means that we have, within our ability, the tools and

  • the approaches, to help us in spontaneous speaking situations.

  • The very first thing we have to do is manage our anxiety,

  • because you can't be an effective speaker.

  • If you don't have your anxiety under control.

  • And we talked about how you can do that by greeting your anxiety,

  • reframing as a conversation, and being in the present moment.

  • Once you do that, you need to practice a series of four steps,

  • that will help you speak spontaneously.

  • First you get out of your own way.

  • I would love it if all of you, on your way from here to the football game,

  • point at things and call them the wrong name.

  • [LAUGH] It'll be fun.

  • If most of us do it, then it won't be weird.

  • If only one and two of us do it, it'll be weird.

  • Right.

  • Second.

  • Give gifts.

  • By that I mean see your interactions as ones of opportunity, not challenges.

  • Third, take the time to listen, listen.

  • And then finally, use structures.

  • And you have to practice these structures.

  • I practice these structures on my kids.

  • I have two kids.

  • When they ask me questions, I usually answer them in what, so what, now what.

  • They don't know it.

  • But, when they go over to their friends' houses and

  • they see their friends ask their dads questions, they don't get what, so

  • what, now what.

  • So, you know, you have to practice.

  • The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.

  • Ultimately you have the opportunity before you to become more compelling,

  • more confident, more connected as a speaker, if you leverage these techniques.

  • If you're interested in learning more, this is where I do a little plug.

  • 'Kay, I've written a book.

  • Many of the MBA students who take the strategic communication classes,

  • here that I and others teach read it.

  • It's called SPEAKING UP WITHOUT FREAKING OUT.

  • More importantly,

  • there's a website here that I curate called NOFREAKINGSPEAKING.COM.

  • And it has lots of information that I've written, and

  • others have written about how to become more effective at speaking.

  • So that's, that's the end of my plug.

  • What I'd really like to do is, enter into a spontaneous speaking situation with you.

  • And I would love to entertain any questions that you have.

  • There are two people who are running around with microphones, so

  • some of us re, who remember the Phil Donahue show.

  • We're gonna do a little bit of that.

  • If you have a question, the microphone will come, and I'm happy to answer it.

  • >> Yeah.

  • >> I think if you-

  • >> Is it on?

  • >> Yep, yep.

  • [LAUGH] We can hear you.

  • >> Great.

  • Can you talk about hostile situations?

  • >> Hostile situations, yes.

  • So when you find yourself in a challenging situation.

  • First, It should not be a surprise to you.

  • It should not be a surprise.

  • Before you ever speak,

  • you should think about what is the environment going to be like?

  • So it shouldn't surprise you that there might be some challenges in the room.

  • When there are hostile situations that arise, you have to acknowledge it.

  • So if somebody says, that's a ridiculous idea, why did you come up with that?

  • To simply say, so, the idea I came up with was, right?

  • Acknowledge the emotion, I recommend not naming the emotion, right?

  • So, you sound really angry, the person's, I'm not angry, I'm frustrated.

  • Now we're arguing over their mental state, right?

  • Emotional state.

  • So, so I say something like, I hear you have a lot of passion on this issue, or,

  • I hear there's great concern from you.

  • So you acknowledge the emotion, cuz otherwise it sits in the room.

  • And then reframe and respond the way that makes sense.

  • So if somebody raises their hand and says, your product is ridiculously priced.

  • Why do you charge so much?

  • I might say I hear great concern, and what you're really asking about is the value of

  • our product, and I would give my value proposition, and

  • then I would come back and say, and because of the value we provide.

  • We believe it's priced fairly.

  • So you answer the question about price,

  • but you've reframe it in a way that you feel more comfortable answering it.

  • So, th, the way to do this is to practice all the skills we just talked about.

  • The only skill that I'm adding to this is the awareness in

  • advance that you might be in that situation.

  • First I have to truly listen to what I'm hearing, right?

  • It's very easy for me when I hear a challenging question,

  • to get all defensive and not hear what the person's asking.

  • I see it as an opportunity to reframe and explain.

  • Okay so, again, you have to practice.

  • But, that's how I think you address it.

  • Are there other questions?

  • I see a question back here, yes, please.

  • >> Yes, first of all, thank you very much.

  • Great, great presentation.

  • >> Thank you. >> For a lot of the the speaking I do,

  • I have remote audiences, audiences distributed all over the country,

  • with telecom.

  • Any tips for those kinds of audiences?

  • >> So when you are speaking in a situation where not everybody is co-located, okay?

  • In fact, at this very moment,

  • there are people watching this presentation remotely.

  • What you need to do is be mindful of it.

  • Second, try to include engagement techniques where the audience actually has

  • to do something.

  • So, physical participation is what we did here with the games.

  • You can ask your audience to imagine something,

  • imagine what it would be like if, when we try to achieve a goal, rather than say

  • here is the goal we are trying to achieve, say imagine what it would be like if.

  • See what that does to you, it pulls you in, I can take polling questions, most of

  • the technology that you are referring to has some kind of polling feature.

  • You can open up some kind of Wiki or Google Doc, or some collaborative tool.

  • Where people can be doing things and

  • you can be monitoring that while you're presenting.

  • So I might take some breaks.

  • I talk for ten, 15 minutes and say, okay, let's apply this and

  • let's go into this Google Doc I've created, and I see what people are doing.

  • So it's about variety and it's about engagement.

  • Those are the ways that you really connect to people who are remote from you.

  • Okay, other questions?

  • Who, you're pointing oh, [LAUGH], I've got to look for where the mic is.

  • >> This may be similar to

  • the first question, >> Sure.

  • >> But I do a lot of expert witness testimony.

  • What's your recommendation for handling cross-examination?

  • [LAUGH] Specifically, specifically a hostile one.

  • >> I feel like I'm being cross-examined.

  • >> It's very hostile.

  • [LAUGH].

  • In any speaking situation that you go into that has some planned element to it I

  • recommend identifying certain themes, that you think are important or

  • believe need to come out.

  • And then with each one of those themes have some examples and

  • concrete evidence that you can use to support it.

  • You don't go in with memorized terms, or ways of saying it.

  • You just have ideas and themes, and then you put them together as necessary.

  • So, when I'm in a situation where people are interrogating me.

  • I have certain themes that I wanna get across, and make sure that I,

  • I can do that in a way that fits the needs in the moment.

  • If it's hostile, again, you, the, the single best tool you have to

  • buy yourself time and to help you answer a question efficiently is paraphrasing.

  • The paraphrase is like the Swiss Army knife of communication.

  • If you remember the show MacGyver, it's your MacGyver tool, right?

  • So when a question comes in.

  • The way you paraphrase it allows you the opportunity to reframe it,

  • to think about your answer and, to pause and make sure you got it right.

  • So when you're under those situations, if you have an opportunity to paraphrase it,

  • say, so what you're really asking about is x, y and z.

  • That gives you the opportunity to employ one of these techniques.

  • Now I've never been an expert witness, cuz I'm not an expert on anything, but.

  • Those tools I believe could be helpful.

  • The microphone is back there.

  • Thank you. >> Thank you so much.

  • This has been so helpful and enjoyable this morning.

  • Would you please show the last screen, so

  • we can get down the name of the book you have written and the information?

  • >> Absolutely. >> Thank you.

  • [LAUGH] I think they actually, you might even have an opportunity,

  • it's on the sheet too, everything I said is on the back of that sheet, but

  • I am happy to have this behind me while I talk.

  • [LAUGH] Other questions?

  • Yes please?

  • >> Yes, I work with groups that, from,

  • that represent many different cultural backgrounds.

  • >> Yes. >> So

  • are there any caveats or is this a universal strategy.

  • >> So in terms of,

  • from your perspective as the speaker, >> Yes.

  • >> I believe this applies.

  • But when you, whenever you communicate, part of the listening aspect is

  • also thinking about and is who is my audience and what are their expectations?

  • So what are the cultural expectations of the audience that, I'm presenting to?

  • So there might be certain norms and rules that are expected.

  • So when I travel and

  • do talks I have to take into account where I'm doing the, the presentations.

  • So I, I'm, I help present in the Ignite program.

  • If you have not heard about the Ignite program here at the GSB it's fantastic.

  • And I just did a presentation standing in one of these awesome classrooms that have

  • all these cameras and I just taught 35 people in Santiago Chile.

  • And I needed to understand the cultural expectations of that area.

  • And what they expect and

  • what they're willing to do, when I ask them to participate.

  • So, it, it's part of that listening step where you reflect on what

  • are the expectations of the audience.

  • I think we have time for two more questions and

  • then I'm gonna hang around afterwards if anybody has individual questions.

  • But, some of these folks really want me to keep on schedule.

  • Yes, please? >> I wanted to ask you a question.

  • One of the things that you've done effectively in your talking.

  • And I've seen other effective speakers do, is interject humor.

  • >> Mm-hm.

  • >> In their talk.

  • How, what are the risks and rewards of trying to do that.

  • >> Well first, thank you, and I appreciate all of you laughing.

  • Those are, that's the sum total of all my jokes, you've heard them,

  • I'm not funny beyond those jokes.

  • [LAUGH] So humor is wonderfully connecting.

  • It's wonderfully connecting, it's a great tool for

  • connection, it is very, very risky.

  • Cultural reasons get in the way,

  • sometimes what you think is funny isn't funny to other people.

  • What research tells us is that if you're going to try to be funny,

  • self-deprecating humor is your best bet, okay?

  • Because it is the least risky, there is nothing worse than putting out a joke and

  • having no response.

  • It actually sets you back farther than if you would have gotten,

  • where you would have gotten if the joke would have hit, so

  • basic fundamentals you need to think about with humor.

  • One, is it funny, how do I know, I ask other people first.

  • Second, what happens if it doesn't work?

  • Have a backup plan, right?

  • And then third, if you're worried about the answers to those first two,

  • don't do it, right?

  • One last question please.

  • The microphone is right here.

  • And then like I said, I will hang around afterwards.

  • Yes, please.

  • >> I I'm sort of on the opposite side of this, since I'm a journalist.

  • >> Mm-hm. >> And I frequently have to ask

  • spontaneous questions of people, who have been through media training.

  • >> Yes. >> So.

  • [LAUGH] So any tips for

  • chinks in the armor, way to ask.

  • [LAUGH]

  • >> Ask a question without being antagonistic, but

  • get a facsimile of a straight answer.

  • >> Well, so let me give you two answers.

  • One is I I have young boys, and the power of the why is great.

  • Just ask why a couple times, and

  • and you can get through that first two layers of training.

  • [LAUGH] You know, why do you say that?

  • How do you feel about that?

  • the, the second bit is.

  • To.

  • What I have found successful in getting people to.

  • I do this to get people to answer in a more authentic way.

  • What I'll do is I'll ask them to give advice.

  • So what advice would you give somebody who's challenged with this?

  • Or what advice would you give to somebody in this situation?

  • And by asking for

  • the advice, it changes the relationship they have to me as the question asker.

  • And I often get much more rich detailed information.

  • So the power of the why, and

  • then put them in a position of providing guidance, and that can really work.

  • With that, I'm going to thank you very much.

  • I welcome you to ask questions later, and enjoy the rest of your reunion weekend.

  • >> Thank you. [APPLAUSE]

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