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  • [Flashback]

  • [alarms, flashing lights in the hallway]

  • What is that?!

  • You've done it now.

  • Is that a fire alarm?

  • [Perry runs into the room]

  • It's a town hall meeting!

  • They've called a town hall!

  • So, that was harrowing.

  • They really do not like tardiness here.

  • Sorry for getting all cliffhanger-y.

  • Sometimes a girl’s gotta manufacture her own excitement, you know?

  • So,

  • did Silasbyzantine bureaucracy finally call a town hall to discuss the fact that girls have gone missing?

  • Nope.

  • Apparently, uploading anything inflammatory to the Silas ethernet,

  • a word they can’t even spell properly, by the way,

  • sets off an immediate security response.

  • Well, I think I got the worst of it out.

  • [Danny comes into frame]

  • Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.

  • Oh, yeah. Totally.

  • Sorry about the general level of filth.

  • My roommates kinda relaxed about hygiene.

  • Oh, no. Don’t worry about it.

  • So, your roommate was the one who was glaring at us on the walk back, right?

  • With all the eyeliner?

  • [Laura nods]

  • So where’d she go?

  • She dematerializes within twenty feet of unwashed dishes.

  • Oh.

  • Hey, are you making another video?

  • Like,

  • eight hot seconds after almost being busted?

  • Uh,

  • yes.

  • That’s pretty ballsy, Hollis.

  • Yeah,

  • ballsy!

  • That's me.

  • Besides, LaFontaine thinks she’s figured out a way to post them safely,

  • and I have got to report on the crazy at the town hall, right?

  • Yeah.

  • Uhhh, but before I do that

  • [Laura grabs a stool]

  • Hey, everyone,

  • meet,

  • Danny Lawrence!

  • [notices height difference]

  • Should we?

  • Yeah.

  • Yes, okay.

  • Uh, my very awesome English Lit TA

  • and VP of outdoor rec for the Summer Society which is

  • an outdoor social club for all girls athletics?

  • Uh, yeah. We host the school’s annual Adonis Festival and Hunt.

  • Uh,

  • hi.

  • Laura’s audience. It’s nice to be here.

  • Well, I wouldn’t say that I have an audience yet. But it is nice to have you.

  • Here.

  • Have you here.

  • So, the town hall.

  • Were all packed into the auditorium and the dean stands up,

  • and holy crap, is she six feet of power suited, middle aged glamazon

  • and says: [Imitating the dean]

  • It has come to the attention of the university that a certain individual or individuals

  • are circulating rumours about students disappearing.

  • Rest assured,

  • if these disturbances do not cease, the perpetrators will be dealt with.

  • At which point, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get expelled,

  • because nobody is saying anything,

  • probably because theyre afraid she’s gonna suck their souls out through their eyeballs

  • but then Danny gets up and just

  • No, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

  • Yeah, it was.

  • I simply wanted to point out

  • that you shouldn’t be calling a missing persons report rumour

  • when one of our own members went missing at a rush party.

  • See,

  • totally amazing.

  • Amazing as in just, like, a really brave person who stands up for people who can’t stand up for themselves.

  • Like, that kind of amazing.

  • Thanks.

  • You know,

  • not that it meant much after the Zetas started in on that safety patrol crap.

  • [Laura imitating the Zetas]

  • Uh, the obstreperous brothers of Zeta Omega Mu

  • have decided that is uncool that hotties might feel unsafe going to parties or making their walks of shame at 4 AM,

  • and as so have decided to personally protect any coed 7.5 or higher.

  • Which is just a faux chivalrous way of oppressing the female student body.

  • We should be reinstating our night marches.

  • Uh, completely [laughs nervously]!

  • But when Danny and the Summer Society suggested that, the alchemy department

  • started freaking out

  • because apparently, that’s gonna [imitating the alchemy department] ruin some mycological transitions.

  • They are such weird little creepers!

  • And then the Zetas piped in with this chant that pretty much sounded like pizza or death.

  • [laughs] Yeah and then some idiot started throwing salted herring into the crowd.

  • And then, the dean ended the town hall before anybody could actually talk about anything! Ugh!

  • Just…I’ll take it out… [pulls fish out of Laura’s hair]

  • Ugh

  • [Laughs]

  • Thanks. I thought I got them all out.

  • The meeting mayve sucked, but I’m really glad I ran into you.

  • Yeah, me too.

  • Hey, you know, we should collaborate.

  • Compare notes.

  • You know, figure things out.

  • You can document the investigation for your project here.

  • I think we’d make a pretty great team.

  • Yeah,

  • a team.

  • You and me.

  • Absolutely.

  • Cool.

  • Well, I’m gonna go get my notes on our missing sister, and I’ll see you later.

  • Sure.

  • Okay.

  • Okay.

  • Bye!

  • [Danny leaves]

  • Yes!

  • [Laura does a happy dance]

  • [Knock on the door]

  • Oh, Danny, did you forget something?

  • Hey, little nerd hottie.

  • Uh, hi. Who are you?

  • I’m your designated Zeta Omega Mu safety companion.

  • Kinda like an escort.

  • Only a dude.

  • A dudescort.

  • [chuckles] How awesome is that?

  • Yeah. Awesome.

  • Hey, is that fish in your hair?

[Flashback]

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