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  • "Happily Ever After" only exists in fairy tales

  • yet a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend.

  • I now pronounce you "Teddy Bear and Wife".

  • You may kiss the bear.

  • Proving that Americans don't give a crap about anything.

  • So I got some big news.

  • Tammy-Lynn and I are gonna have a baby.

  • That's awesome! Wait - how do you guys...?

  • We, uh, we need a sperm donor.

  • What is that? What're you doin?

  • Getting ready, dude.

  • Whadya mean you're gettin' ready? What're you doin' with your hand?

  • I'm doing this for you. It's when I get in there I can just bust it out.

  • Where do you think you are? Red Lobster?

  • Hey, Johnny, you did it!

  • Right here, buddy!

  • CATCH!

  • What the - ?!

  • Dude, that's somebody's KID!

  • Dude, it's in my eyes! I'm blinkin' it in!

  • Wait, wait, wait! I'm gonna take a picture and post it on Facebook.

  • WHAT?!

  • #GrrrMondays

  • Help me!

  • Oh my God, Teddy, look at this!

  • It says if we wanna have a baby, you're gonna have to prove you're a person in a court of law!

  • This is a nightmare...

  • We gotta fight it!

  • We'll get a lawyer and we'll sue the government for your civil rights!

  • I'm Samantha Jackson.

  • You must be Ted.

  • Uh, yeah... Samantha Jackson, what's your middle name?

  • - Leslie. - OH MY GOD! You're Sam L Jackson!

  • That's great! I mean, just like Sam L Jackson!

  • Who is that...?

  • You ever seen any movie ever?

  • He's the black guy.

  • They've denied you the same rights as everybody else

  • just because you're different.

  • Can you get me my life back?

  • Ted, do you believe you have a soul?

  • What did you think

  • I would do at this moment?

  • Objection!

  • Overruled.

  • You want to be human in the eyes of the law

  • but the important thing about being human

  • is to make a contribution to society.

  • Where the hell's my coffee?!

  • You're not building rockets, figure it out!

  • What a prick. $20 I can toss a cookie crisp into that guy's ass crack.

  • - Do it! - I'm gonna do it.

  • Who did that?!

  • Sir, I apologize for my five year old child.

  • Bad Butch! You sit there and eat your fish nuggets!

  • Fish-y nuggy!

  • Go! Go! GO!

  • Alright, I'm gonna ask you a few test questions now, you ready?

  • Yep, bring it on.

  • Do you consider yourself to be human?

  • - Objection! - Sustained!

  • No the witness cannot -

  • - Overruled! - Sidebar! - Guilty! - Speculation!

  • - Heresy! - Bailiff! - Briefcase! - Disregard!

  • - In my chambers! - Stop beavering the witness! - I rest!

  • - We could TOTALLY be lawyers. - Bang.

"Happily Ever After" only exists in fairy tales

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B2 US jackson teddy objection samantha trailer bear

Ted 2 Official Trailer + Trailer Review : Beyond The Trailer

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    Coke James Z posted on 2015/02/09
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