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Well hello, everyone!
My name is Tyler Oakley and if there is one language
that I am most fluent in, it would have to be Emoji.
If you don't use Emojis, you are missing out in life.
I don't know who you are,
I don't know what your life goal is, but girl,
get with the times, because I only speak Emoji.
If you don't know what Emojis are,
they are little emoticons or images that you can use
to convey feelings or emotions or stories,
or anything that you want to say.
They are coming out with, I think, 200 more Emojis,
so we have a whole range coming,
but there are a few Emojis that I have always wanted,
I've felt like I've needed in times of crisis
when I'm really trying to tell a story and I need
that exact Emoji, that just don't exist
and they're not coming in the future expansion pack.
So, without further ado, if you're watching, head of Apple,
these are the Emojis that I need in my life.
I'mma get straight to the point.
I need a dildo. (laughs)
There are times when I need to say something with a dildo.
There's no beating around the bush with this one. (laughs)
The eggplant can only do me so well, okay.
I can only use that so many times
and have to explain myself.
Give me a dildo Emoji.
Ranch dressing, this is self explanatory.
How am I gonna tell somebody what sauce I need
when I get a 20 piece McNugget and I'm in a hurry
and I can only convey one Emoji?
A pickle, duh.
We already have a poop Emoji,
but it has a smiley face on it
and I'm just like, sometimes you have shit
that's just not a happy experience,
so maybe a sad poop Emoji.
A skittle, so that I can flick a skittle at you.
What about a fetus Emoji?
Because sometimes if you're about to give birth
and you want to convey a fetus is about to come out of you
and it can have a little umbilical cord.
That would be really convenient,
because I know there are pregnant mothers,
maybe even mothers that didn't even know they were pregnant,
maybe they're having a shit and the baby comes out
like that TV show and they want to be like,
"ooh, sad poop Emoji, ooh, fetus Emoji."
That would get the storyline right across.
You don't even have to explain yourself.
Just sad poop Emoji, fetus Emoji.
Bam, I didn't know I was pregnant.
I'm a problem solver.
Perhaps a condom, because why wouldn't we be
promoting safe sex.
A tampon.
I wouldn't need this I don't think ever,
unless I got a bloody nose, but I'm sure half of the world
might want to convey that that's what they need.
Listen, I'm looking out for everyone here.
A plunger.
In case ...
You know what the fuck that's in case of.
Now we already have a monkey covering his eyes
and then one with his ears
and then one with his mouth, but I really do think
we need a monkey throwing shit at somebody,
because sometimes I just feel like a monkey
that's gotta throw my shit at a human.
Now when I am feeling like the queen of all bitches,
I usually use the manicure Emoji,
but sometimes I'm like,
"I need to get rid of my downstairs mixup,"
so how about a pedicure Emoji?
That could be cute.
Also, if somebody's looking a mess,
I need a eyebrow plucking Emoji,
so I can convey a little message to them.
What about a half pound bean burrito Emoji?
We don't even have a burrito Emoji.
I feel like that's a little bit offensive to my people.
People that like burritos.
On top of that, I like a big, huge, half pound burrito.
I want to see a big ol' stuffed burrito,
like after they say, "Are you sure you want guacamole?
"It'll cost extra."
I'm like, "Yeah, bitch, of course I want guacamole.
"I don't give a fuck if it costs extra."
As if I didn't already know that it costs extra.
I want to see that big, stuffed burrito
that you know you paid extra for guacamole for.
In an Emoji.
We already have the thumbs up, the thumbs down.
We have a fist, we have a clapping Emoji.
What about a shocker Emoji, because sometimes
I am feeling like a shocker.
Not that I've ever put that into a woman (laughing),
but some people might want to tell their lady friend,
"Hey, I would love to give this to you."
Maybe a Razor scooter, because we already have
a car and a train and a plane and all those
transportation modes, but a Razor scooter would be nice,
because back in my day, I used to Razor scooter
over to my friends' house and hook up with them.
So if I had to tell him nowadays that I'm about
to Razor scooter over, how would I do that?
I need you to be thinking about these things
while you're making new Emojis.
How am I gonna convey to my friend
whom I'm experimenting with when I am in middle school
that I want to go Razor scooter over to his house
and just (clicks mouth), how?
Perhaps a Pizza Roll that's really hot and microwaved,
or a whole plate of Pizza Rolls.
Also, while we're talking about necessary Emojis,
how about some non-white people Emojis?
Because, girl, not everybody is white, news flash.
A genital wart.
How about a genital wart?
Not that I'm gonna have to tell people anything
about genital warts, but you never know.
A Beyonce Emoji.
It's kind of offensive that it doesn't already exist.
That is the short list of all the Emojis
that I am feeling like I need.
If you have an Emoji that you think you need--
I almost burped, there it is, okay, great.
If you have an Emoji that you think you need,
let me know in the comments below
and hopefully they'll see this and pick
some really good ones, because lord knows
this is the way to communicate.
I don't have time for 140 characters anymore.
If I could just send one Emoji, that's all I need to do.
Okay, so that's all.
If you liked this video, be sure to give it a thumbs up
and subscribe right there.
If you want to see my latest Q and A it's right there.
If you want to see my latest Friday video it's right there.
If you want to be my person of the week,
go to districtlines.com/tyleroakley and get a t-shirt
or a poster or something real cutre.
I have new t-shirts as of today.
It's plain, it's simple, and it conveys
everything about you.
They may be only limited time, so you might want
to get one before they're gone and send me a picture
of you being real cute in it and you might be
my person of the week next week.
That is all I have for you guys today.
I hope you have a fabulous life
and I will see you guys next time.
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20 Emojis That Need To Exist | Tyler Oakley

2447 Folder Collection
Tu Howard published on February 8, 2015
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