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  • It's easy as a coach to give praise and advice.

  • But it's much more difficult giving feedback that would be viewed as negative, critical or non-affirming.

  • For example, imagine you have a colleague who while being skilled at their job work isn't liked interpersonally by many people at work.

  • But they're completely unaware of it. This leads to them to attempt to over invest in interacting with certain colleagues.

  • When in fact, they should be interacting less, or trying to actually address any damage they may have inadvertently created.

  • Let's imagine you are their boss, and you two have a good relationship.

  • You watch them unintentionally rub others the wrong way for months.

  • They're unaware of it. And you need to intervene. What do you do?

  • Here are few thoughts that might help. First, schedule a meeting in private.

  • Actually putting the meeting on the books formally elevate the importance of the discussion.

  • Don't tell them why you wish to chat. Just tell them you have some performance ideas about the group you'll like discuss.

  • When the meeting begins, get to the point and be specific.

  • Name the behaviour, it might be coarse language or condescension in arrogance, or tendency to speak far too personally causing others to feel uncomfortable.

  • Whatever it is, describe it clearly. Now unless you receive permission to do so, you don't name names.

  • You own the situation and tell them this conversation is based on your observations across several instances.

  • Then it's often useful to talk about the perception gap that exists between what we think about ourselves and what other actually think about us.

  • Tell them you know they aren't doing this intentionally.

  • And try offering an example of a time that you fell prey to this perception gap.

  • So they can know you're trying to be helpful, not accusatory.

  • Finally, you'd want to offer a small bit of advice they might find useful moving forward.

  • I am thinking specifically of conversation related advice. What you said depends on their issue.

  • But you might talk about how often to speak with someone.

  • What is acceptable, or not acceptable in terms of personal topics.

  • Why they should let other initiate conversation more often?

  • What it means to have a concise and focused exchange, and so on.

  • To wrap up, thank them and remind them you see strong value in their work.

  • Be sure to follow up at least once a few weeks later to see if they've made any progress or if they have any additional questions you might answer.

  • In the end, conversations like this one are difficult, but they are worth it.

  • This person needs your advice. And the team deserves a more consciously aware colleague.

It's easy as a coach to give praise and advice.

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A2 advice unaware meeting conversation interacting acceptable

Giving feedback | leadership |

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    Blair posted on 2015/01/29
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