Name: Trump Fed Daily Sizzle Reel of Stuff Blowing Up in Iran & Melania Has a Robot in the White House
Uploaded: 2026-03-27T21:33:28.000Z
Duration: 13 min 6 s
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Adverbs of degree

And we are beaming to you from our studio in the city of Angels, where tomorrow, just, uh, about a, a five-mile dri—about a 90-minute drive, but

five miles from here, the World Series champion Los Angeles Dodgers are, uh, looking to start a three-peat with a loaded baked potato of a team.

Tomorrow is opening day, but the season started tonight on Netflix, of all places.

They had a game between the Yankees and the Giants.

Opening Night, you know, is crucial in baseball because if you lose the first game, it's very difficult to get any momentum going into the final 161.

Um, this is the first Major League baseball game ever on Netflix,

and after all the hype, it turned out to be just like any other game, except for the seventh inning when both teams were replaced by the cast of Stranger Things and Steve Harrington hit two home runs off the Demogorgons, so congrats.

Speaking of Demogorgons, it was a weird day at the White House today where our First Lady, Melania Trump, hosted the second day of her global summit titled Fostering the Future Together, which is basically a commercial for AI in education,

As you can see, um, they really are looking for the future because she had an unusual escort.

The other is Figure 3, which is a humanoid that can complete simple household chores like doing laundry, loading the dishwasher,

And then in the corner there of the screen is the French First Lady, Bridget Macron, who picked a weird day to visit.

No one's exactly sure what they should do here because, you know, the first—she's kind of suspicious walking alongside this robot.

As it approaches the First Lady o-of France, Melania stops, and then, um, the—sacre bleu.

And it only got scarier from there as Melania pleasantly informed us that we will all soon be replaced by machines.

It will be formed in the shape of humans.

Very soon, artificial intelligence will move from our mobile phones to humanoids that deliver utility.

Because that is competition in the bedroom her husband does not need.

Maybe someday we will have a robot president.

You know, it couldn't be worse than what we have right now.

We did—we got a sneak peek at what might be in store for Team Trump come November at the elections.

Ban Mail-in Voting voted by mail in a special election in Palm Beach.

This is a district Trump won by double digits two years ago and the district he lives in, but

seems like maybe the magic is wearing off because last night a Democrat, Emily Gregory, scored a major upset over a Trump-endorsed—a Republican that Trump endorsed.

She won, uh, one solidly red seat in the state legislature, which is a real kick in the golf balls for Mara Lardo.

Uh, let's just say there are a lot of tiny fist-sized holes getting punched in the White House drywall tonight.

Two days ago, Trump said the Republican candidate, John Maples, had his complete and total endorsement and that John will never let you down,

and he's right, he won't, because he's back to work as a financial planner.

The idea that Trump voted by mail at the same time he's trying to ram this, uh, Save My Fat Orange Ass Act through Congress right now, which is a bill that would do away with mail-in ballots, has put leaders in the GOP in a bit of a pickle.

The squeaker of the House, Mike Johnson, was asked about this latest act of brazen hypocrisy and did a little tap dance around it.

President Trump has railed against mail-in voting as rigged.

He said it's a form of cheating, um, as recently as Monday.

But in yesterday's special election in Florida, he voted by mail.

Look, I think some states have handled, uh, mail-in balloting well.

I think Florida's a good example of that.

and they have great systems, but that is not true in other parts of the country,

and that is the concern, especially in a state like California.

You know, Florida, as we all know, is very buttoned down, very normal, whereas California, uh, it's a madhouse.

The only thing Florida does better is get manatees addicted to meth, all right?

If you're looking to buy a hot dog from a woman in a G-string, Florida is the place you want to be.

We are now on day 26 of Operation Epic Fury,

and while most of America doesn't seem to feel like it's going great, the president very much does, largely because, uh, according to NBC News, Trump gets a sizzle reel every day that only shows us attacking them.

It typically runs for about two minutes, sometimes longer.

One official described the videos as a series of clips of stuff blowing up,

and these video briefings are said to be fueling concerns among some of Trump's allies that he might not be receiving or absorbing the complete picture of the war.

He's only seeing the positive stuff, which helps to explain why he keeps saying, "We already won the war that is still going on." I mean, do you know how many lives and how much money we could save if we just quietly brought everyone home from Iran and showed him Call of Duty clips instead?

White House spokespeople Caroline Levitt released a statement pushing back on the story.

She said anyone who has been present for conversations with President Trump knows he actively seeks and solicits the opinions of everyone in the room and expects full-throated honesty from all his top advisors.

I mean, this is the guy who said, "I know more about ISIS than all the generals." That's Donald—very collaborative, Donald Trump.

Every day, they're bringing him these fun little action movies of us blowing stuff up.

Everyone's telling him how great he's doing.

He's got four whole cable networks dedicated to kissing his ass 24/7.

His staff is terrified to ever bring him any bad news,

and he has the memory of a worm at the bottom of a bottle of Mescal.

And this is the man in charge of sending our children to war, at least the ones whose dads don't have a good podiatrist to get them out of it.

Our own government is making war propaganda videos for the person running the war.

Even Kim Jong Un's like, "That's a bit much." I don't know.

By the way, that is another consequence of this war in Iran.

The president's former pen pal, Kim Jong Un, says the lesson that he's learned is that you can't trust the sweet talk from the US,

and as a result, he says he's going to make sure North Korea's nuclear status is irreversible.

So I guess Trump wrote all those love letters for no reason at all.

And to really rub it into his pumpkin face, Kim Jong Un was just reelected to a third term with 99.93% of the vote.

One of this war's biggest cheerleaders is Pete Hegseth.

It must be a rush to go from lowly weekend cable news anchor to dropping giant bombs,

The president has made it clear that you will not have a nuclear weapon.

and so we're keeping our—our hand on that throttle, uh, as long as it's hard as it's necessary to ensure the interests of the United States and America are achieved.

It's unclear what, if any, actual conversations are happening with Iran,

but one thing we do know is they won't be happening with Jared Kushner, aka Sheldon Cooper's evil twin.

The Iranians have said they will not accept Jared Kushner or Trump's special envoy to the Middle East, Steve Witkoff, as negotiators.

Uh, you know, the Iranians have a nickname for Jared.

They call him the Sorrowful Broomstick, which sounds better in Farsi, but—and it's weird that the Iranians don't want to negotiate with Trump's son-in-law, whose primary job experience before this was holding Ivanka's purse.