Name: Trump Says the Military Is "Knocking the Crap" Out of Iran
Uploaded: 2026-03-04T23:02:24.000Z
Duration: 9 min 58 s
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And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.

In a new interview, President Trump said that the military is knocking the crap out of Iran, but

added, quote, we haven't even started hitting them hard.

Hey, man, the commander in chief is supposed to be able to keep military secrets.

He's so excited to bomb people, he can't help himself.

I wouldn't want to be in eastern Tehran at 3am tomorrow, I can tell you that much.

It honestly feels like he would have told us by now.

During a Medal of Honor ceremony yesterday at the White House, President Trump began talking about the curtains and said, quote, I picked those drapes in my first term.

That's like Santa mentioning he always liked Christmas.

You guys will never guess my favorite holiday.

During the same ceremony, President Trump also said that he's tried to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but

added that he was told it would, quote, be bad protocol.

I just want you to consider how many things he's admitting here.

He's admitting he tried to give himself a medal of Honor, he's admitting that it's a bad look, and

he's admitting he had to be told it's a bad look.

It's one thing you have a puppy that has to be told not to piss in the house.

This is like a stupid 16 year old dog that still has to be told not to piss in the house.

The White House released a video on Friday of administration officials sharing their favorite memories with President Trump.

And Marco Rubio said that time he got my name right.

During a visit on Friday to a Texas Whataburger location, President Trump spoke to a crowd of customers and said he hopes they do not drink alcohol.

They're dining in at Whataburger on a Friday night.

The indoor water park chain Great Wolf Lodge this week will offer a limited edition milkshake that blends vanilla ice cream and ranch dressing.

And after one of those, you become the water slide.

What I like is the tail of that joke felt like you were going down a water slide.

The pizza chain Papa John's has announced that it will close 300 underperforming restaurants.

But how do you tell which ones are underperforming?

When they're all selling Papa John's Times Square performer the Naked Cowboy has reportedly divorced his wife and fellow performer, the naked cowgirl.

But there's been cracks in the relationship for a while.

According to a new book, the conclave that elected Pope Leo last year was interrupted after Vatican security officials detected an active mobile connection.

And an older cardinal discovered he had a phone in his pocket.

Because you just know that flashlight was on.

And finally, Disney World's Rock N Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith shut down over the weekend so it can be reopened as the Rock N Roller Coaster starring the Muppets.

And the good news is they didn't have to change it very much.

You know, from films like American Beauty, Biling Julia and nyad.

See her next in the Bride in theaters on imax this Friday, March 6th.

Her new special wake up is streaming now on Netflix.

So excited to talk to her about her fantastic special.

And her excellent new novel Kin is out now.

Ilona Mar, Olympia and Ilona Mar on family chips this week.

White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt has been holding a lot of press briefings lately.

there are a lot of questions about what this administration has been doing that we feel are still unanswered.

So we decided to hold another one right here, right now.

Press Secretary Levitt and the late night press corps are here in the studio ready to go.

So without further ado, it's time for another late House.

Late White House, Late Press House, late.

I know you're worried, but I haven't made a mistake yet.

It's time for the late night White House press review.

Seth Meyers, Late night with Seth Meyers.

Caroline, how much of his daily briefing does President Trump read before getting bored and giving up?

What does President Trump miss most about his life before becoming president?

Caroline, how will history remember the Trump family burdens that have really done nothing for our country?

I heard that Stephen Miller is planning on visiting Germany when Would he like to go there during World War II?

Hey, what's RFK Jr. S go to order at happy hour?

Caroline, this next one's for all the real 90s music heads out there.

You know, the type of people who have a paid subscription to Pitchfork.

Caroline, what's the most popular Fiona Apple song?

Nearly eight in ten Americans say criminal.

What advice do you have for single people who like someone but aren't sure how to ask them out?