Name: Dr. Gabor Mate with Shelly Prosko: W.O.W. Chats: Words Of Wisdom
Uploaded: 2026-02-28T13:50:52.000Z
Duration: 7 min 58 s
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Words of wisdom with people that I admire and respect and whose work is in line with making this world a better place.

And I have the honor and the privilege of bringing the words of wisdom of Dr. Gabor.

Well, thanks for those kind words so much.

And for those of you that don't know him, or maybe you don't know of his work, just look at all the links below.

I'm gonna leave his website and all of the links to your books and events and your calendar, but

There's so much I want to ask you, and I think I'm gonna take this right now.

I'll just give you a little bit of history here.

I just spent two full days with Gabor at the Compassionate Inquiry Workshop.

And yesterday there was something that happened that I wanted your.

I want you to comment on and just elaborate on a little bit.

And it was when you had someone up on stage and you were working with them.

And what he does is, in this workshop is he demonstrates sort of how he uses.

How he compassionately inquires and how he uses different concepts and approaches.

And so you had this woman up on stage, and there was a moment that felt.

I don't say off, but just not like in that flow.

And sure enough, you said something under your breath.

And I'm wondering if you can comment on that and maybe even how it relates to healthcare practitioners in that therapeutic environment.

I don't actually recall the specific incident.

When I'm actually doing the work, I'm so much in the flow, I actually end up not recalling what happens, but

I can certainly relate that to other times when that's occurred.

So in this compassionate inquiry, it's really about going into what's behind people's feeling states and emotions and behaviors and chronic patterns and to conduct it effectively.

It's not enough that I pay attention to the client, but I really do.

I have to really pay attention to the client's voice, facial expressions, body language, in other words, what they're messaging me about their internal states, not just what they're saying and how they're saying it, but

also who's present in them at that moment.

So that requires attention, but requiring equal attention is what's happening inside me.

So what would have happened in that incident yesterday?

I would have noticed some tension inside me, inside myself, which is not about the client.

It's about what's happening inside me at that moment.

And that happens when I've got an intention and I'm maybe working a little bit too hard to get the client aligned with my intention.

But getting the client aligned with my intention is not the purpose of the work.

The purpose of the work is to get me aligned with the client's intention and the client's needs and internal states.

So if I find myself pushing too hard trying to get them to see something that I might see and I want them to see, then I'm going to notice that tension in myself.

And my mantra on that is whenever there's tension, it requires attention.

So it requires that I tend to myself because I know surely from past, grievous, past practice.

But if I'm pushing too hard on a client and if I don't pay attention to that attention myself, I'm actually going to never mind not help them.

I may even create some unnecessary suffering for them.

So that's what that would have been about.

And if I can just ask you one other thing about that.

When you said you notice the tension, is it a feeling that's always the same?

Like, is it something that you're familiar with every time or does it change?

Like, is it sometimes you feel it differently in your body, your breath or your mind?

Well, I can give you the two broad cues, not as subtly as you're asking it.

If I pay attention, there's attention here in my chest area.

On the mind level, I'm wanting them to see something.

I'm really wanting something to happen that isn't happening.

Inquiring means you don't know and you're curious.

When I want something to happen and I know where I want to go with it, that's not curiosity anymore, that's not inquiry anymore.

And so if I notice that urgency on the mind level or the tension in the body, then it's absolutely time for me to pause and inquire as to what's going on with them, what's going on with me and Just to switch gears.

And as soon as you do, as soon as I do, you just feel an easing of the tension and an easing of the compulsiveness of the intention.

I find to that point, then the mind becomes clearer too, and things become more in flow.

Yeah, well, my mind becomes clearer because I've removed this content.

But the mind of the client becomes clearer because when people are pushed upon, if they perceive themselves as pushed upon, even when they're not pushed upon, they just perceive themselves.

It puts them into physiological and neurological states of defensiveness.

And as soon as you put somebody in a state of defensiveness, their mind doesn't work.

Their upper brain circuits don't function as well.

So it certainly leads to clear thinking on the part of the health care provider, and

it certainly leads to more clarity on the part of the client as well.

You clear out what's in the way and there's clarity.

I hope so many of you healthcare practitioners find value in that.

Do you use that just in your regular personal life too, in relationships?

What kind of an interview is this anyway?

And I hadn't for a long time and the effects and say my relationship with my wife were always negative.

And so I actually have learned to do that.

So much space and so much more clear and loving communication.

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Dr. Gabor Mate with Shelly Prosko: W.O.W. Chats: Words Of Wisdom

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