Name: How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You
Uploaded: 2025-10-15T18:01:57.000Z
Duration: 5 min 21 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Adverbs of manner

There is something distinctly spooky in the idea of there being any set route to making one person fall in love with another.

It threatens to transform what should be an unconsciously based mystery into a generic programmatic maneuver.

Modal verbs - B1

And yet it may be no violation of our integrity to observe that when people do feel attracted to one another, certain factors will often, to a remarkable extent, be present.

Three moves in particular appear to be central to love's genesis.

The leading evidence for and harbinger of love is curiosity.

To be attracted to someone is first and foremost to want to know more.

It's to have a constantly renewed appetite for questions.

Questions that aim to unearth why someone is the way they are, what they aspire to, who shaped them and where they are headed.

We feel in the presence of someone properly invested in us when we hear, why do you think you didn't stay with them after that?

Or how come the job didn't in the end work out?

What do you believe made it so hard to say anything?

Of course, the questions have to be gently handled.

The curiosity that wins us over must be measured, discreet and unpressured.

A lot of the time we'll be unaware that we're even being asked anything.

We'll just feel that we have a lot to say.

Ideally, our interlocutor will hover over things we've described and make remarks that subtly invite us to deepen our reflections.

I suppose it must have been difficult to find the energy to leave when or I wonder if it was sad knowing that they're now with someone who.

Nothing here is being solicited head on, but

a space is nevertheless created in which our thoughts can evolve.

We might add the curiosity that especially counts is the sort that's alive to pain, the kind that's sensitive to what it would have felt like not to have so many friends at university or to have developed a certain kind of illness at a young age.

We feel ready to fall in love with a person who signals that what truly interests them is isn't what's going well.

They inquire into our ex, who never said goodbye properly, our father, who was distant and preoccupied, or our mother, who mixed her affections with jealousy and a desire for control.

We may well feel aligned with someone who shares our interests and hobbies.

We will feel intimately connected to someone who knows about and can tolerate our suffering.

Our culture heavily associates the birth of romance with physical moves, with a kiss or an embrace.

But genuine romance begins somewhere else, somewhere far less cinematic and a lot more nourishing, with a sense of being known.

At the same time, the great terror of being known is that it's going to lead us to being judged.

Which is why the most enticing people let us know subtly that they have a great deal of room for for weirdness, our weirdness.

They don't need to make a speech on the matter.

They don't have to say I accept transgressions and don't moralise around flaws.

Rather, they make their point through indirect revelations by telling us casually of some of the less salubrious bits of their own pasts.

Maybe I ate five packs of biscuits in a row and cried all weekend.

Or by commenting on other people's lives in ways that suggest they don't care for standard definitions of normality or goodness.

Why would anyone care what he did so long as no one got hurt?

The result is a sense that around this person we could show a great deal of ourselves without running into censure or prudishness.

We could collapse, we could admit we were scared, we could say we couldn't be bothered or hated X or Y, and

Kindness, the third ingredient of love is both the most banal sounding and the most essential.

We need to feel in the presence of someone who is kind.

Because we all know deep down that we're so much in need of generous interpretations.

There are plenty of ostensible reasons, most of them at the top of our minds every new day.

Because we're ugly and corrupt and banal.

We can do all this very well on our own self.

What we can't do is to come up with the kinder, more livable answers.

Because we had a tricky start, because we didn't have certain lucky breaks, because we would have needed so much more encouragement, we spend a great deal of time hoping our future lovers might be pretty or tall or rich.

But if we ever find a home, one that can shelter us from inner and outer storms, it's going to have to be one built and out of these three ingredients.

Curiosity, broad mindedness and kindness.