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  • Here's you.

  • Here's the college you're going to.

  • and here are the six monsters you'll have for roommates.

  • Well not literal monsters but, you'll see.

  • Hey!

  • He's a perfect model of efficiency, helpful, friendly even.

  • He doesn't really understand your more human imperfections.

  • His programming is rigid, and well-defined.

  • Violate it at your own risk.

  • Watch! His head will explode any second now.

  • What do you want me to do? He eats at (a) dirty plate...

  • So that wasn't his head.

  • There's no firm evidence this roommate exists.

  • Hello?

  • Does he spend all his time with his girlfriend?

  • At home?

  • Things move around mysteriously while you're not looking.

  • Is he dead?

  • If so, do you get a free pass this semester or something?

  • You'd think he might be trying to communicate with you.

  • But you'll never know for sure.

  • Shit.

  • Looking like an ad for hair gel doesn't automatically make him a monster.

  • But you've noticed things.

  • He stays up all night.

  • can't stand the sunlight

  • and brings home a different victim every night.

  • Can you please keep it... HEEEE

  • Ahhhhhhh

  • And you're not saying he sucks their blood for sustenance.

  • Hey.

  • Want a grab or not?

  • Seriously?

  • But you've never seen him eat anything.

  • Weird.

  • He must have supernatural powers.

  • Otherwise, how the f**ks is he getting laid more than you?

  • So you're from...

  • #%^%^@^%

  • Wherever he's from, he has a poor judge of social norms. Hey!

  • Hey!

  • ^%#^@^%!%@

  • strange habits

  • #&^&*@(^##%

  • and this thing.

  • If it's a bong, you wanna hide it.

  • If it's a dildo, you don't wanna touch it.

  • And if it's neither are you...

  • Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

  • Like an ending story about aliens, your friends will never believe you.

  • Making weird noices "blaaablaaa"

  • Where are you going?

  • The first thing you notice is the smell.

  • So, what died in here?

  • He doesn't seem to notice it.

  • Hey, my parents are coming today. And I was kind of hoping we can clean...

  • He just shambles around, leaving little pieces of himself wherever he goes.

  • Hey! How was your day?

  • Cool.

  • And not to force the metaphor here,

  • but he does seem to want your brains.

  • Jesus!

  • Get your own chem lab, man!

  • You have to get your own place.

  • Finally, that holy treasure!

  • A single.

  • A bachelor pad

  • made a bachelor kingdom. All to yourself.

  • Maybe you'll have a three-way.

  • Or a four-way.

  • Or just stay in bed all day eating cake and hot wings.

  • What was that?

  • Probably nothing.

  • Just a burglar, demon, Freddy Krueger, Cthulhu...

  • Shit, shit!

  • Maybe you'll get the vampire call.

Here's you.

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