Name: Never overshare. Especially when you like them — Former FBI agent Evy Poumpouras #humanbehavior
Uploaded: 2025-08-30T14:59:04.000Z
Duration: 6 min 58 s
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The imperative

I don't understand why I'm having problems with people.

I don't understand why I don't have better relationship.

When you meet someone and let's say you really like them, just don't go all the way in.

Do you think that being authentic and vulnerable all the time is good?

This whole vulnerable thing, I always hear it.

If I'm going to share something with you, it should be truthful and it should be done genuinely.

Don't give me a story because you're trying to get me to put my guard down.

How about you just be truthful, respectful and professional and let things happen on their own organically?

Probably the worst person Cody to ask these questions.

I just, you know, I want to be transparent and honest with people because I feel like they're given things to do and it does not work and it sabotages their efforts and then they're kind of at a loss.

I don't understand why I don't have better relationships.

So being authentic, first of all, what does that mean?

I think what people think authentic means is I'm going to come in.

You need to bring different versions of you to different conversations and to different people.

You and I were talking a little bit off camera and when I work with people or have people work with me, I want the business version of you.

I don't want the version of you that comes in, Evi, I need advice.

I don't mind from time to time, but I'm running a business.

So if you come in authentically, like I'm having a horrible day, Evi, I need this, I need that.

I'm truly sorry to hear that, but that doesn't work with the business version of me.

So I need this professional, strong version of you to show up for me.

I think I heard you say somewhere and I really liked it that, you know, a boundary is something that you actually hold.

In this world, if you don't keep your promises to yourself and if you don't keep the promises that you say you will out loud to another, that's probably the worst promise you could break, you know?

And that's when people walk all over you.

And it's a common thing, people come to me, this person keeps doing this to me.

And I'm always like, you realize you play a role.

It's like, you have to always be like, what am I doing that's causing this?

Every time I struggle with something or someone, I always go back in.

What am I doing that's helping contribute to this circumstance, to this situation, to this environment?

So what would the solution be for somebody who maybe says, I'm typically a victim and you know, this keeps happening to me.

What is the tactical next move to break that habit of blaming everybody else?

Well, the first move is to stop saying that to yourself.

It's like, you're feeding it to your mind.

And I like everybody else have gone through my share of difficulties and hardships.

And again, it varies, you know, what bad thing I go through varies compared to other people.

Like my bad thing may be very bad for me, but for somebody else it's like, meh, right?

But stop, change the way you talk to yourself.

It always starts first with the way you speak to yourself and the way you groom your mind to think of yourself.

One of the things that helped me a lot is I learned to read people well.

So now you would say to me, well, that's, you have an unfair training and you are an interviewer investigator.

You really just need to be less talkative.

If you struggle with people a lot and they take advantage of you, stop talking a lot.

One reason is I want you to gather intelligence.

You got to think of it like you're an intel gatherer.

So when you're talking, you're not gathering anything.

Let them reveal, give people space to reveal themselves.

Tell me about you, especially if I'm in the dark with something.

The other thing is when you're talking, it's very hard to read people.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

Never overshare. Especially when you like them — Former FBI agent Evy Poumpouras #humanbehavior

vulnerable

authentic

articulate

struggle