Name: 6 Signs of TOXIC Shame, NOT Healthy Shame
Uploaded: 2025-07-18T19:16:39.000Z
Duration: 6 min 48 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

What if the problem isn't that you messed up, but that you believe you are the mess?

Let's talk about shame, the emotion behind that feeling.

Adverbs of degree

Shame can actually play two very different roles in our lives.

For example, if you miss a meeting, healthy shame helps you acknowledge this mistake, apologize, and make amends.

But toxic shame tells you you're not just unreliable, but fundamentally flawed, making you feel unworthy of forgiveness.

While healthy shame focuses on what you did, toxic shame attacks who you are.

If this resonates, know this, you were not born feeling this way.

Toxic shame is learned from harsh criticism, unmet expectations, or traumatic experiences that affect how you see yourself.

By the end of this video, you'll not only recognize the voice of toxic shame, you'll also learn how to silence it and be free.

You might feel like if people knew the real you, they'd judge you or cut you off.

It's okay to feel scared, but what's not okay is allowing shame to control how you see yourself.

Maybe this feeling started when you were little, you learned to hide parts of yourself because of or rejection.

The more you hide, the stronger the shame gets, but letting someone in just a little bit could help break that cycle.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but it's worth it to be seen and heard.

Do you forgive others for their mistakes, but find it hard to do the same for yourself?

Maybe when a friend messes up, you're offer them a reassuring hug saying, it's okay, you can do better next time.

But when you make a mistake, you're quick to tell yourself, that was stupid, I should have known better.

Listen, self-compassion isn't always something we're taught or encouraged to practice.

Society often emphasizes self-reliance and achievement.

As a result, it becomes harder to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we show others.

Imagine if you treated yourself with the compassion you extend to your friends.

Remember toxic shame thrives on self-defeating thoughts, so try replacing them with self-compassion.

You deserve the same grace you're so willing to give those around you.

Toxic shame makes you think you have to be perfect to be loved or accepted by others.

So you try to be flawless, thinking that if you just get everything right, maybe you'll finally be good enough and fully accepted.

Perfectionism is a trap, a dangerous form of self-imprisonment.

It's like climbing a ladder that never ends.

True self-worth comes not from being perfect, but from accepting yourself as you are.

Remember this, no one is perfect, no one will ever be, and that's okay.

Keep improving, but never chase perfection.

Healthy shame lets you hear constructive criticism without breaking, but toxic shame makes it personal.

When someone gives you feedback, whether it's constructive or just a little suggestion, if your first thought is, I'm terrible at this, that's toxic shame at play.

Healthy shame allows you to take feedback, learn from it, and improve.

But your toxic shame takes every little bit of criticism as a brutal punch to your entire self-worth.

You're not a failure just because you made a mistake.

Feedback is a tool to help you grow, not a verdict on your worth.

Toxic shame keeps you trapped in the past.

You replay every awkward comment or bad decision asking yourself, why did I do that?

Maybe you keep thinking about a conversation from days ago, like an awkward comment you made during a job interview, wishing you had just said something different.

Or perhaps you fixate on a situation you wish had gone better, wondering if people are still judging you.

Worst of all, you feel even more ashamed for feeling this way.

But here's something important to remember.

Most people aren't judging you nearly as harshly as you're judging yourself.

It's time to let go of the guilt, forgive yourself, and move forward.

You're only human and messing up is a part of life and growth.

You believe you're inner critic, but you shouldn't.

Does the way you talk to yourself sound like the voices you grew up hearing?

This critical voice often stems from childhood, maybe from overbearing parents, a harsh teacher, or past trauma.

It may have started as a way to keep you in check, but over time it became your default way of talking to yourself.

It's the voice that says, nothing you do is good enough, or why are you so messed up?

It was shaped by experiences that influenced how you saw yourself.

What toxic things were you told while growing up?

How did those messages shape your beliefs about yourself?

For example, I can mess up, but that doesn't make me a failure.

Remind yourself that these thoughts are just old negativity, not your reality.

Over time, you'll replace every harsh thought with kindness and a belief in your ability to grow.

Toxic shame is a learned response that can be unlearned.

Every mistake or failure presents an opportunity to think differently, more positively, and more kindly towards yourself.

Each moment you choose compassion over judgment, every time you forgive yourself and move forward, you create space for transformation.

So start embracing your imperfections today.

Reach out for support if you need it, and challenge those negative beliefs.

So what are you ready to forgive yourself for today?

And if you want to maintain this positive energy, make sure to watch our next video, how to use your negative thinking to your advantage.

Thanks so much for being here, and we'll see you soon.