Name: 如何與伴侶深度對話，建立親密且穩定的關係？► 聽聽心理學博士怎麼說... - Dr. Michael Gervais 邁克爾·格韋斯（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-04-22T09:03:01.000Z
Duration: 3 min 24 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Past simple

Okay, okay, I feel you now and she's like, no, no, no, it's too late.

To-infinitive

What I found is that most people want to stay on the surface coz it's hard to talk about things that are hard to talk about.

And there's like three levels, right? you can talk about beer and pizza, you know, and sporting event scores.

And there's nothing wrong with that, but that's just some type of relationship.

And then underneath, there's other conversations which are about ideas that are hard to articulate.

And then underneath of that, it's talking about personal experiences that are hard to articulate.

So what happened in our relationship is that I was in the study mode, big-time study mode of the science of psychology.

and I had some early budding successes that were taking place and essentially I was not watering the relationship and I was being selfish.

And I really thought it was all fine, but it wasn't.

So one day she came home and she grabbed my attention.

She said, as a friend, as your best friend, I'm telling you, this doesn't work anymore. I love you. You're a wonderful person, but I can't figure out how to be me in this relationship.

And so I was like, holy, like I thought the worst thing that a friend could say, like the worst.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay, I feel you now and she's like, no, no, no, it's too late.

Yeah, and so I that was my cue like I had to leave, right? like out of kindness and compassion for the experience.

And she's feeling it deeply, and I wish she was here in this conversation because because that it looking back, it was the richest, most intense thing.

that I've been through in the relationship, we hit rock bottom to your point, it was a month before we went back and had a conversation.

I said let's give it a chance. Let we've been together a long time.

from us and she says, hold on, hold on, she said, this isn't as bad as I've ever seen it.

And so she basically asked one really important question.

She said, do you guys want to do the work? You need to work, Mike. Lisa, you need to work.

Oh my, well this is if she says I want I want to grow, but I want to grow with someone else.

And I that was the moment my heart go, ba boom, and I knew that I couldn't go first cuz that was the problem.

And so that moment lasted, felt like an eternity.

And obviously she said, I want to do the work with you, but I'm not sure that I can trust you that you'll do the work too.

So we did some work until we're still married together.

like it's great, like looking back, I mean the work.

I I would encourage everybody, anybody that you know, in your community, like to do that intimate deep work with somebody and have real conversations.

The freedom is incredible on the other side of it.