Name: Surviving Motherhood.
Uploaded: 2025-02-17T08:45:22.000Z
Duration: 9 min 46 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

To-infinitive

Hey everyone, I'm going to share a brief update on Everything.

Present continuous

I filmed this video a couple times and it didn't come out right So we're filming it again while my baby sleeps.

Future simple

She's probably gonna wake up soon She's been sick past month actually and it's been very hard on me and my husband.

I'm in survival mode I'm at square one on this journey of motherhood and it's not easy.

I lost motivation because of postpartum depression.

I haven't found any flow yet And I'm realizing that this is a big shift in my life trying to utilize the tools that I have taught, you know, my students in my course to Figure things out as a mom now realize that a lot of my content wasn't Resonating with me and I really wanted to share more of this journey of being a mother and you know the transformation side of it and the wellness side of it because I feel like documenting has helped me transform into Who I truly am and I feel like I've kind of lost myself Disconnected from myself recently.

There's been a lot of ups and downs a lot of breakdowns a lot of crying Hormones just all over the place.

My child is like a velcro child So she needs me all the time and it's been really hard to find chances to sleep or cook Or rest.

I'm floating somewhere else Like I don't have any more dreams or goals currently But now I'm starting to find that again and figure out which direction I want to go.

I just needed that sort of maternity leave.

I guess I needed that time to pick myself back up again, and there's that concept of Kintsugi, Japanese kintsugi, which is when bowls or plates break in Japan.

They put them together with golden liqueur and kind of the same as Concept being human you break apart and then you put yourself back up again Into something even more beautiful and your stories are beautiful and your scars are beautiful and that's just that concept and so I'm trying to really go back to that and Realize that okay.

I'm disconnected Disconnecting from myself.

How am I going to get myself back again kind of restart in this new era as mom?

Realize that it's motivating for me to document these things and share these things and talk about these things As much as possible because that's healing in itself and I love being creative.

I love editing that's just my passion and I Starting to really figure out what I want and Who I am again Everything is about the baby, right?

Like you kind of like forget about yourself and it's hard to balance that So I'm trying to find my footing I feel like this is gonna be very therapeutic for me to document this but in the most simple way possible Because I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to editing and it took me a long time to edit a lot of my videos In the past because I was just going really deep and hard on the editing I think I need to learn to let that go a little bit and just share a little bit more raw real unedited type videos and I've been trying to come to come to terms with that and be at peace with that Because I want to spend as much time with my daughter as possible and not always Be filming and editing because I think that was the hard part But I think most of the reason why I really left Mostly is because of the unmotivation and the depression the postpartum depression that I was going through and still I'm going through But in this journey, it's been a lot of heavy guilt trying to juggle everything at once I have been posting on Instagram.

My new Instagram is underscore Matcha underscore mama because I felt like that name resonated with me My new podcast is gonna come out and it's gonna be more geared towards motherhood But also with that sort of fusion of wellness within it because a lot of these Japanese concepts have to have really changed my life I'm trying to apply them as a mom now and I think that's just kind of where I'm at a lot of moms follow me and a lot of women follow me and I want to inspire them in that sense and a lot of people have been reaching out to me and saying like hey When you coming back you're such an inspiration and it's just been kind of making me realize okay You know what I do I do a good job at you know YouTube and content and I miss it so so so much and it's just been really hard to pick up a camera Feeling the way that I have been feeling I'm more vulnerable than I have ever been before and for that reason I decided to Take a break because you know, there is a lot of like mom shaming.

There is a lot of judgment there's a lot of judgment and people watching and Criticizing and just you know sharing their experiences, which is fine, but You know I've gotten a lot of people who have been very like pushing me to do things that I don't want to do I kept feeling so much pressure to be that perfect mom I kind of went back to my previous journey and what I've learned through that is that a lot of people don't know how to Be human.

They don't know how to Feel they don't know how to be imperfect.

That's what we're meant to be is imperfect and mess up sometimes and you know try new things and accept change and Be okay with giving up on certain things or changing your path or changing your mind And a lot of people don't do that and you don't see that on social media is being human on social media I'm trying to realize you know social media isn't real life.

Sometimes I'm doing a good job and I'm doing what I can and that resilience and that constant working on yourself is More important than anything else.

I'm trying to go back to Awareness and you know figure out my dreams and goals right now as a mom Being away from home and not having that help Constant help has been a struggle.

By myself in a sense not saying that my husband doesn't help he helps a lot But you know, it's just us.

That's it and so it hasn't been easy and so I've been trying to find ways to simplify life and I'm still doing that.

So I really wanted to document that more.

I wanted to think of a new series name for this But I haven't figured it out and I don't want it to be Focused on living abroad, although we will be traveling and I want to share You know Japan lifestyle because that's where I live currently and it's interesting and I learned a lot of my You know life hacks Through Japanese culture.

It's inevitable, but I don't want that to be a focus is that and people to expect only that I really want to focus on just life in general and being a mom and Raising a child in a different country.

I've been absolutely exhausted I'm still trying to find my flow.

I have a bit of a flow but It's it's been up and down.

Well, so that's been hard I'm realizing the apartment that we live in isn't the greatest and There's reasons for that which I'll get to I'm sure in another video, but It's just not it's not as ideal as I thought it would it was when we got this apartment and We're hoping you know to maybe move again in another year In Japan, obviously decision-making has been hard Finding time for self-care hasn't been easy.

So I'm trying to find ways to passively really care for myself and also Make the time and you know, figure out where my energy is going and Ask myself the right questions and not be so afraid to show up online With that judgment.

I don't want to make this video any longer.

I'm tired She hasn't been napping well today the past couple days.

I've been going out We're getting ready to travel to Nagasaki for Christmas, which is gonna be really fun to share with you I'm going on another trip this weekend for a sponsor For Instagram actually and doing a blog post about it for a company, which is pretty cool So I'm getting some traveling in there It's just been exhausted traveling because I'm taking care of baby too, but I'm enjoying it I'm trying to get back into it and get that motivation I think taking these like odd jobs are allowing me to kind of feel more inspired I guess and Sometimes I forget I even live here and when I go on these trips and I see the culture I Remember why I even moved here.

So Anyway, she's gonna wake up in like two seconds.

I'm gonna go I'll be posting a Video soon on my trip to Nagoya.

It's more informational It's not the best video, but I did my best being sleep-deprived and I hope to see you guys soon I've been vlogging so I'll be posting much more moving forward and I hope you still watch them I hope people are still watching and you haven't left yet.

I think I needed a break as a new mom and So we're gonna slowly transition back into posting more again, and I'll see you guys soon