- WHOO! - I DON'T HAVE ANY.

DON'T--

[laughter]

DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

EVERYBODY JUST STAY CALM.

THERE HAVE BEEN COMPLAINTS, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SAYING

THAT IT BENDS IF YOU PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET.

AND NOW APPLE HAS RELEASED THIS STATEMENT

TO TRY AND HELP PEOPLE.

- IT'S COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT SOME OF OUR CUSTOMERS

ARE COMPLAINING THAT THE NEW IPHONE 6 BENDS

WHEN THEY PUT IT IN THEIR POCKET AND SIT ON IT.

WE HERE AT APPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH

AND OFFER THE FOLLOWING ADVICE:

DON'T PUT YOUR IPHONE IN YOUR POCKET AND SIT ON IT.

THAT WAY, IT WON'T BEND.

WE'D ALSO LIKE TO OFFER A FEW OTHER WORDS OF WARNING.

DON'T THROW YOUR NEW APPLE SMARTWATCH ON THE GROUND

AND STOMP ON IT.

ALSO, DON'T DROP YOUR EYEGLASSES IN YOUR DRIVEWAY

AND RUN THEM OVER WITH YOUR CAR.

AND IF IT HURTS WHEN YOU PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE,

STOP PUNCHING YOURSELF IN THE FACE.

THANK YOU.

THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FOR DUM-DUMS.

[cheers and applause]

- A MESSAGE FOR DUM-DUMS.

WELL, I AM NO DUM-DUM.

I KNOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA KEEP SITTING ON THEIR PHONES,

AND THEY'RE GONNA KEEP BENDING,

SO WHAT I'VE DONE IS, I'M GONNA START SELLING THESE.

THEY'RE BENT IPHONE CASE HOLDERS.

COMES IN ELLEN BLUE.

[cheers and applause]

YOU SHOW ME A PROBLEM, I'LL SHOW YOU A SOLUTION.

IT'S THE ELLEN PROMISE.

ALSO, THESE RETAIL FOR $199.99.