Name: Easy Guide to Become More Charismatic
Uploaded: 2025-02-28T11:25:07.000Z
Duration: 11 min 2 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

This episode is presented to you in the form of an audio book.

Do you ever feel like you're speaking, but no one's really listening?

Does your hard work go unnoticed, no matter how much effort you put in?

If you've ever felt invisible in your personal or professional life, you're not alone.

According to Vanessa Van Edwards in her book, Cues, this could be because you lack charisma.

Charisma is the most important quality that makes others pay attention to you.

In her research, Van Edwards found that most of us are unknowingly sabotaging our own charisma.

She explains that without charisma, you can't effectively communicate or connect with others, and that can hold you back in every area of life.

The good news is that even if charisma doesn't come naturally to you, you can learn to convey charisma by adopting charismatic cues.

That is because, for Van Edwards, charisma isn't magic.

It's simply a science of small verbal and nonverbal signals that influence how others perceive you.

In this episode, we'll break down exactly how to become charismatic.

First, we'll dive into what charisma really means, and how verbal and nonverbal cues reinforce or undermine it.

Then, we'll explore which specific cues you should adopt, and which ones you should avoid depending on your personality.

Hopefully, by the end of this episode, you will know what to do so you can start projecting a charismatic image that gets people to notice and value you.

When you enter a room full of strangers, it only takes a few seconds for people to form an opinion about you.

They don't know your name, yet they've already decided whether you come across as confident, approachable, or someone worth engaging with.

This instant judgment happens because of the cues you unconsciously send to those around you.

Vanessa Van Edwards calls these cues the secret language of communication.

She explains that every subtle signal we send, whether it's our posture, eye contact, or the way we walk, communicates more than we often realize.

These cues tell the world, this is who I am, even before we open our mouths.

Van Edwards explains that every conversation is a cue contest.

We are constantly judging the cues of others while they are judging ours.

Think about it, you meet someone at a party.

If they give you a limp handshake and avoid eye contact, your brain automatically whispers, not confident.

Van Edwards discovered that the most charismatic people have mastered the art of balancing two types of cues, warmth and competence.

Warmth cues are the ones that make people trust you.

They're your smiles, open gestures, and friendly tone of voice.

Competence cues, on the other hand, make people respect you.

They're about standing tall, speaking clearly, and showing confidence.

The key is finding the sweet spot between warmth and competence.

Van Edwards explains that warmth earns trust.

However, if you're too focused on sounding smart and forget to smile or show some personality, the interviewer might think, okay, they know their stuff, but do I want to work with them?

In this scenario, you've nailed competence, but you're missing warmth.

On the flip side, picture someone who's bubbly and friendly, but can't answer basic questions about the job.

Sure, they're likable, but the interviewer will be left wondering, do they actually know what they're doing?

Too much warmth without competence will leave people questioning your abilities.

Too much competence without warmth will make people feel intimidated by you.

A charismatic person is like a big brother, someone you look up to as a mentor, yet also someone you genuinely care about.

The perfect example of this balance is Keanu Reeves, the internet's favorite human being.

Because he's mastered the balance between warmth and competence.

On the competence side, he's an exceptional actor completely dedicated to his craft.

On the warmth side, he's humble, approachable, and treats everyone from co-stars to fans with kindness.

Vanessa Van Edwards breaks it down even further with what she calls the four levels of charisma.

It's like a roadmap to figure out exactly where you stand and where you might need to level up.

This is where warmth and competence are both missing.

You come across as cold, uncaring, and incompetent, even if that's not true.

You might be the smartest, kindest person in the room, but guess what?

If you're not showing it through your cues, people won't see it.

Next level is, you have some charisma, but high competence and low warmth.

If you're someone who values expertise, you're likely sending out competence cues.

People respect you for your skills, but without any warmth, you may appear cold and intimidating.

You have some charisma with low competence, but high warmth.

Here, the problem is that warmth without competence can feel unreliable.

People love spending time with you, but people may not count on you or see you as a reliable person.

Finally, the ultimate level is when you have a high level of charisma, high competence, and high warmth.

This is where trust and respect meet, and it's why highly charismatic people inspire collaboration and loyalty.

People want to work with you, and they trust you to lead.

So, how do you move up the charisma ladder?

And according to Vanessa Van Edwards, it's absolutely possible to level up, no matter where you're starting from.

It's a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice.

First, you need to figure out your starting point based on the four levels of charisma I have just explained.

Next, you need to understand how to dial up the cues you're missing based on the situation and the individuals you are interacting with.

Generally speaking, most people will know where they stand on the four levels of charisma.

If you don't know, then take a moment to ask yourself, am I naturally warmer, more competent, or struggling with both?

Maybe you're the friendly, approachable type who lights up a room but freezes when it's time to present your ideas.

Or maybe you're the hyper-focused expert whose sharpness commands respect but keeps people at arm's length.

Van Edwards gives an easy exercise to help you balance warmth and competence.

After any interaction, ask yourself, did I make them feel like I'm their friend?

Did I show that I know what I'm talking about?

If the answer to both is yes, then you're on the path to mastering charisma.

For example, if you're pitching an idea, start with a relatable story or a joke to build connection.

Then, deliver your facts and figures with clarity and confidence.

Think of warmth as a way to open the door and competence as the reason people want to walk through it.

The cues you use don't have to be grand gestures.

For example, if you want to convey warmth, all you need to do is make the other person feel appreciated.

A simple smile, nodding when they speak, or maintaining eye contact can go a long way.

If you want to show competence, you need to speak and act with confidence in what you're saying.

It's about your tone of voice and how you articulate yourself.

You also need to pay attention to your microexpressions and body language, and not only your words.

When your microexpressions and body language align with your words, then people trust you.

But when they don't, people will always believe your body over the words you say.