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  • He's gonna take you back to the past

  • To play the shitty games that suck ass

  • He'd rather have a buffallo

  • Take a diarrhea dump in his ear

  • He'd rather eat the rotten asshole

  • Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer

  • He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard

  • He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd

  • He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd

  • He's the Angry Video Game Nerd

  • The Sega CD had its place in history. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a piece of shit, but it had a certain appeal.

  • The 32X is the real deal. It sucks. Oh god, it sucks.

  • You plop it on top of the Genesis like they're mating.

  • God, I mean, do you think that's enough add-ons? It doesn't even look aesthetically presentable. I mean, it's just like an ugly tumor.

  • I mean, did they really need all this bullshit leeching on the Genesis?

  • That poor Genesis is just thinking, "Oh please, God, take these shit off me."

  • It's like getting gang-raped. Both of its slots are getting fucked at the same time.

  • And picture this, if it was a model 1 Genesis, it would have been even more of a spectacular mess.

  • And there's metal prongs you have to insert into its... slot.

  • I mean, there's something wrong here, this whole thing is just a mound of cockadookie.

  • So what does the 32X do? Well, it's compatible with all your 16-bit Genesis games.

  • But it also has its own library of 32-bit games.

  • Oh, you gotta love this. No end labels on the cartridges. May I ask why?

  • Here's the Genesis games. You can read 'em. You can see what they are.

  • If I'm trying to pick out a game, I can just visually scan my eyeballs across them without having to do this.

  • Oh, what's this? Oh, oh, Virtua Fighter? What's this? Oh, Star Wars? What's this? Primal Rage?

  • The same thing as Atari. Labeled.

  • Not labeled.

  • Labeled.

  • Not labeled.

  • Labeled.

  • Labeled.

  • And not labeled. Even Nintendo's guilty of the same thing.

  • If you labeled the older games, why can't you do the same to the newer ones?

  • Who came along and said, "Okay, we're gonna have better graphics, better games, and - oh, those end labels gotta go."

  • When did this idea of simple convenience become obsolete?

  • Now, about the 32X, hooking up this bastard is just insane.

  • Believe it or not, like the Sega CD, it has its own fucking power adapter.

  • That's great. I mean, now you got three.

  • And trying to hook 'em all up at the same time is a freakin' nightmare.

  • Let's look at the most minimum amount of effort it could possibly take.

  • So I'm plugging into the TV. I mean, now, I obviously can't plug in all three of these things.

  • So here's the most basic power strip you can get. Every big store sells these things. These are common.

  • So I plug in my fucking power strip or whatever.

  • Here goes the Genesis, the Sega CD, and... bullshit.

  • What a load of fucking bullshit. How did they fuck this up so bad?

  • I can't even turn it the other way because it doesn't fit.

  • Why can I only plug in two power adapters? Why can't these go sideways?

  • Or better yet, why the hell do they have these box things?

  • Why can't it just be like this?

  • Even the Atari 5200, with its hugeass box, it still ends with a normal plug.

  • You know, that really pisses me off.

  • I even have a camera, which I just bought this year, and it has a box like that.

  • We live in the year 2007, and they can't figure out that shit like that takes up too much room?

  • These fucking things should be banned!

  • Have these!

  • Not these!

  • So anyway, let's fire this monster up and play some Primal Rage.

  • Great title screen, huh? There isn't even any title at all.

  • What is this? W- wait a minute...

  • Oh please, God, tell me what's going on.

  • Why can't I see the characters?

  • I'm playing invisible Primal Rage!

  • Alright, let's try Virtual Fighter.

  • What the fuck?!

  • Guess what? We left something out.

  • There's another cable, which connects to the Genesis to the 32X.

  • Isn't it enough that the damn thing is inserted onto the top of the Genesis?

  • Why does it need another connector?

  • Look at this. It's a fucking mess.

  • And what a perfect visual analogy.

  • Sega invented the 32X to increase the lifespan of the Genesis.

  • And that's exactly what the freakin' thing looks like.

  • It's on life support.

  • So, there's Primal Rage, which, to my recollection, looks nowhere near as good as the arcade.

  • In fact, I'm not even sure how much even better it looks in the Genesis version.

  • You got all the moves, the farting, the puking, the pissing, which I can't do,

  • so if you want to try that out, be my guest.

  • I mean, that's what I hate about this game, the moves. They're so awkward.

  • Especially the fatality moves. I mean, just forget about it.

  • It's always something like "hold these 3 buttons and then tap some weird combination on the control pad".

  • I don't know why they make any moves that require you to hit Up.

  • Because, you know what happens? You jump!

  • I'm sorry, but when I have to download a move list and remember all kinds of combinations of buttons,

  • that just ruins the game for me.

  • Then you got Doom, which is one of my all-time favorites, but the music sounds like shit.

  • Compare it to the Super Nintendo version.

  • Also, the Super Nintendo version has more levels.

  • The only thing it lacks is the graphics. They're horrible.

  • On the 32X, they're better, but, my point is, everything should be better.

  • Now you got Virtua Fighter.

  • It was one of the first 3D fighting games, and it sure looks like it.

  • I really hate how every time you jump, it's like you're on the moon.

  • God, the control sucks.

  • And the characters acts like they have problems.

  • Now we got Star Wars.

  • Yeah, it's a arcade classic, but, I don't know about this one. The graphics are... balls.

  • Everything looks like a polygon, and it's putting me to sleep.

  • Like my Sega CD video, keep in mind, I'm limited to how many games I can review.

  • I'm aware that I'm leaving out popular ones such as Snatcher on the Sega CD, and Knuckles' Chaotix on the 32X.

  • But remember, if I don't have the game, I can't review it.

  • It doesn't matter, anyway, because I wanted to focus on the console itself.

  • The bottom line, the 32X sucked.

  • And it was one of the biggest failures of all-time.

  • And just to celebrate their failure, or just for shits and giggles,

  • they released a few CD 32X games, which require both the 32X and the Sega CD!

  • So if you happen to own both this pile of vomit and this piece of shit, you can mix the two together!

  • So you can clearly see, the 32X was just not worth it.

  • And gamers were too smart to be suckered in,

  • because they knew that this piece of junk would be abandoned shortly, because the Sega Saturn was on its way.

  • Hell, it was already out in Japan, so nobody gave two fucks about this beast.

  • It cost about $150 when it first came out.

  • And the only people who bought it, they had mechanical problems,

  • so, on top of that, there was rumors that it could damage your Genesis games.

  • And I don't even know if that was true or not.

  • The Sega Saturn was released in the U.S. about six months later.

  • Only about 40 games or maybe less came out for the 32X before it bit the dust.

  • I mean, what kind of marketing was that?

  • What were they thinking?!

  • And on top of that, Sega had yet another console planned in between, called the Neptune, which was scrapped pretty quickly.

  • All it was gonna be is a standalone 32X anyway. Which was what it should have fucking been in the first place!

  • So not only was the Saturn on the way,

  • but so was the PlayStation, and the Nintendo 64.

  • Gamers knew it was a better idea to just wait.

  • And stores was selling the 32X for about $20.

  • I got mine at a flea market for $2.50!

  • I'm dead fucking serious.

  • Now, excuse me. I gotta send this fucking shit back to the fires of Hell.

He's gonna take you back to the past

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