What did you do?

Good news.

I found out what part was making that noise.

You have to put this back together.

Now we're going to the bad news.

What made you think you could fix this?

I'm smart.

And I had a book.

Do you still think you're smart?

Yes. Hello, Pete.

My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I would like to know what changed in your white sandwich loaf to make it taste different.

Sheldon, you're a genius.

Sheldon, hang up the phone.

It's dinner time.

Be right there, Mom.

I'm doing battle with corporate America.

I'm sorry, Pete.

You were saying?

Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?

No.

It was brand new, but I did a taste comparison after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they are definitely not the same.

Well, I can assure you that the recent acquisition by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected the quality of our products in any way.

Every single bread, baked good, and pastry is made with love, from our hearth to your home.

Then why does it taste different, Pete?

Why?

Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast.

Bye. You'll be amazed to know that the Nobel Prize, while being the most prestigious award in science, is not generally celebrated in this country.

No parades, no fireworks, which is why I thought having a breakfast celebration was not only appropriate, but long overdue.

You may have noticed that I went with Cheerios, and believe me, it was a decision that I came to after careful consideration.

There were birds on the Froot Loops, Cocoa Puffs, and Corn Flakes, so they were out.

And leprechauns and elves are magical creatures that would be a slap in the face to the scientific community.

Anyway, the festivities begin at 4.30 a.m.

You're most welcome to come, as are you, unhappy bad boy. All right, 34 A and B, this is us.

You want the aisle or the window?

Which one is assigned to me?

It doesn't matter, just pick one.

Well, if I sit by the window, I can watch the takeoff and landing.

But if I sit on the aisle, I'm closer to the bathroom.

Here we go.

Although if I'm by the window, you'll have to get up when I use the bathroom.

But if I'm not, I'll have to get up when you use the bathroom.

Just pick one.

It's a tricky decision.

My bladder is smaller than yours.

Everything okay here?

About to be.

Whoa!

Aisle it is.

We're good. Hello, I'm Sheldon Cooper, and this is why Sheldon Cooper should go to college.

I realize attending college in another state or country is unrealistic at this time, which is why I'm proposing that I live at home but enroll full-time to continue my studies with Dr. Sturgis at East Texas Tech.

I firmly believe that I'm ready for this next step in my academic life.

But don't just take it from me.

He's ready.

In the fall, now, just let him go.

Please.

I don't think I have anything left to teach, Sheldon.

I'm pretty sure he's already smarter than me.

It's true.

Sheldon Cooper, ready for college, ready to change the world.

Cut.

If that doesn't convince her, I don't know what her problem is.

I'm afraid we have a bigger problem.

What are you talking about?

I'm a scientist, and I have to follow the data wherever it leads, whether I like it or not.

Get to the point.

It seems I have a crush on you.

What?

I'm as surprised as you are, but I have all the symptoms according to both Dr. Sturgis and the editors of Sassy Magazine.

Sheldon, I'm really glad that you told me this, because the truth is I feel the same way about you.

You do?

I mean, I've been trying to hide it, but now I don't have to anymore.

This is such a relief.

Oh dear, this is new information.

I've been operating under the assumption that my crush was unrequited.

Oh, it's requited, Sheldon.

It's very requited.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

We have a crush on each other, so now we have to kiss.

We do? Hello.

I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds, but there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them.

That's what I'll be doing today.

If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now.

They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I've found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life.

Missy, this is for you.

Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine.

Because like you said, it's OK to be scared.

We just have to do it anyway.

So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone.

I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister.

That's my plan.

Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart I skipped it.

If you make it to high school, we'll talk.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE