We set ourselves up from the jump to fail miserably and be disappointed.

You just need two things on that meet-up.

Another question I had was about honesty from the jump.

You go on a first date, you meet someone; how honest should I be?

Should I tell them about my childhood trauma on the first date?

Is that being authentic or is that offloading?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, Chris Rock said it best, you know, when you meet someone, especially on a date, you're not meeting them; you're meeting their representative.

You know?

So, from that standpoint, we have to understand that there is a boundary negotiation that happens, especially on these first dates, and it is that tennis game again, right?

So, what you're trying to do, ultimately, is you're trying to⏤and let me even back up.

Can I say this about⏤one is that, I think we... I think most of us would do the first date completely wrong; entirely wrong.

We set ourselves up from the jump to fail miserably and be disappointed.

And the reason why is because it⏤the first date is too intricate, it's too big, you know.

It's dinner, but to prepare for dinner, I'm gonna buy a new whatever, you know.

I'm gonna get my hair done, you know, I'm gonna get this, I'm gonna buy this new thing, I'm gonna get the car washed, I'm gonna do all this stuff.

We've spent⏤we've invested so much that we've set ourselves up for failure.

Also, a first date, quite honestly, over dinner, is an interview; it always turns into an interview.

And then, the culture I've noticed in the UK is fascinating is that⏤this is not everyone⏤

but typically, (what) I notice is, we're going to get completely pissed before the date.

Like... so, we can talk to each other, so, we're just gonna drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, okay, now, let's talk to each other.

And, so, it becomes⏤we set ourselves up for having a very costly date in time, effort, all resources; instead⏤this sounds so simple.

I like meet-ups.

Let's not⏤let's... to even take the pressure off of the date situation.

Let's call it a meet-up.

30 minutes, let's have coffee, right?

The reason why I love that, or a walk⏤sounds stupid, right?

No, a walk for 30 minutes; let's just go walk at lunch, let's go... go take a walk.

The reason why I love that is because the expectation is so much lower in that situation, so much lower; the cost, so much lower, right?

So, the investment, right, so much lower.

So, therefore, that return on investment, potentially so much higher.

But then, also, psychologically, what I love is happening is,

if it's coffee, caffeine; if it's a walk, it's endorphins going, right?

Those help us to bond, right, opposed to alcohol, that's a depressant, right?

It's... it's doing... it's doing the opposite.

So, in terms of elucidating ourselves for great conversation and preparing ourselves for success, a walk or a coffee is great.

The other part of that is I've had mil⏤like, not millions, I've had, let's say, thousands of clients who have said, okay,

tell⏤in particular, this is for the ladies telling men⏤

tell the guy that you... you want to meet him for coffee in the day.

- A lot of guys are like, I'm not doing that. - Yeah, 'cause they wanna get laid.

- Like, I'm not doing that, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So, right away, it's a great filter. - It's good filter.

- Yeah. - It's a easy filter for you, you know?

So, that's part of that.

And then, if it works well⏤and when I say if it works well, is you just need two things on that meet-up.

Are you physically attracted to them, minimally?

And then, did they listen to you?

So, if you have the ability to communicate, they listened critically, you listened critically, and you're physically attracted, that is chemistry.

'Cause we have a hard time defining⏤what is chemistry, you say.

What is chemistry, what's the buzz, what i⏤what does that mean?

And everyone's like, I don't know, I don't know.

It is, I think, one part physical attraction, mutual physical attraction, another part critical listening, listening.

If you have that, you have enough to move forward and then see each other in another environment, you know.

It's so true, 'cause I just reflected on how many of my friends, both men and women, will come back from a date that didn't work out,

and just resentfully talk about how much they've spent and how... and how much it cost.

Like, how long it cost them and how much money it cost them, and the preparation of the facial and the hair and the nails, and they sit there resentfully.

You're right, bringing that level of expectation to a... to a first encounter, you know.

Mo Gawdat sat here and said, we're happy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going are met, and we're unhappy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going to go unmet.

I'm coming in with one hell of an expectation that you're gonna be my husband; I've put in all the work, all the investment, the time, three hours.

And then, if you fall anywhere below that, for whatever reason⏤I'm probably looking for, you know...

oh God, it's not⏤you're almost setting yourself up to fail by... by doing such a huge initial upfront investment.

Yes, and you know what?

You... you were making, I think a... a brilliant, brilliant point there is that when you've made that investment, what you end up doing is you're looking for reasons to weed them out.

- Yeah. - 'Cause you're like, I mean, I did all this.

Yeah, and his trainers!

- What... what trainers is this guy wearing? - Oh, my God!

- You see those train⏤those are last year's trainers! - Yeah, yeah. I bought new shoes for this shit.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yes.

Crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

What... what are you struggling with in your relationship?

Oh, man, you know, it is time.

- Really? - Time.

- Quality time? - It is, it is, it is.

I would say time, but quality time.

Because I am, you know, right now, I'm predominantly doing television work, and and I've been in TV now, you know, for... since Oprah, you know, so, 12, 13 years.

It's... it's been a while.

And one thing I've noticed about the television space is that there are moments when you're hot and there are moments when you're not.

And when you're hot, it's⏤that's the time to leverage.

So you have to⏤you're already working your ass off, but you'd better work it off even more.

And, so, I'm in that zone right now; I mean, I'm blessed.

I'm co-hosting two shows.

I'm contributing to three shows; one in the States, two here in the UK.

So, it's one of these where I'm constantly work⏤every day, every day I'm working, every day I'm working.

So, that time with my wife, that time with my children, that's the time that I wish I can get some back.

How are you negotiating that?

How are you serving the ball over the net, in terms of the tennis analogy, to make sure things aren't, you know⏤

She still feels like a priority, and your family still feel like a priority.

Yeah, tha... that's a great one.

I mean, finding those moments and making sure that we're⏤or, should I say, making sure that we're intentional about the moments that we do have, right?

So, this morning, for example, before I came over here, we had breakfast together; went out, had breakfast together, sat, talked with the dog, right?

Those moments are immeasurable.

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