Thank you.

Not in a good way.

Oh.

This is Rear Admiral Bates; I'm Vice Admiral Beau "Cyclone" Simpson.

That is an awesome name.

I know.

We've summoned you here today to talk about the Oscars.

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting to be asked to host again.

Well, let me be perfectly clear: You were not my first choice.

Or my second choice, or my third, fourth, or eleventh choice.

In fact, we asked a lot of people before you.

Well, I'd rather not know who they were.

Let me tell you: Whoopi Goldberg, Tina Fey, Jon Stewart, Chris Rock.

Letterman, Leno, Arsenio, Magic Johnson, Chevy Chase, a child dressed as a pirate.

- Well, those are pretty good⏤ - Steve Martin, Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Steve Austin, Steve Seagal, Steve Urkel, Steve from "Blue's Clues".

That's just the Steves.

Did you ask Steve Harvey?

Begged Steve Harvey.

He would've been good.

Good?

Are you kidding? Steve Harvey would've been incredible.

But that's not important right now.

Warlock, tell him about the mission.

The objective is the 3,332-seat Dolby Theater on Hollywood Boulevard.

Inside is the 95th Oscars.

- A 3-hour celebration of⏤ - 3 hours; right.

A 3-hour celebration of cinema, featuring the biggest movie stars of the world.

ABC has tasked us with finding a host who is unflappable and unslappable.

Good, oh, that's good, 'cause I can't get slapped; I cry a lot.

Tell us your plan of attack.

Well, I'd probably start with a big musical number.

One that would go a little something like this.

- The Oscars, the star⏤ - OK, please.

No singing.

What about a dance number where I really⏤

I can do the robot.

No dancing.

Well, in that case, that's a big audience of very nervous famous people.

So, I'd probably start with something self-deprecating to break the ice; joke about how I'm wearing two sets of Spanx.

Maybe something about the magic of storytelling⏤they love that.

And, then, I'll lead a standing ovation for someone old, and if I make it out, there's only 4 or 5 hours left until we give Best Picture to, hopefully, the right movie.

What do you think?

I think we made a terrible mistake.

I think he can do it.

Double Admiral Crystal.

Is there any way you could host?

No, I have a dentist appointment Sunday night.

Sunday⏤

Listen, I've hosted this thing 9 times, and I say give the kid a shot.

Oh, wait, you know, I've hosted twice before.

Really?

- Yeah. - Didn't see it.

Oh.

You know, you don't have to take this job.

I actually do; I went all in on crypto and I'm about to lose my condominium.

So, I mean, unless you got somebody better...

I'm your guy.