Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles So as we go through life, our relationship with time changes. When we're kids, we feel like time is limitless. We have all the time in the world to go where we want, do what we want, be who we want. But as we get older, we become acutely aware of how quickly time is passing us by and how nothing stays the same forever. Throughout our lifetime, the evolution of who we spend our time with changes, and I find it incredibly fascinating and it's what I wanted to chat about in today's video. I also briefly want to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video, but we're going to chat more about them at the end. My mom was just 29 years old when she immigrated to Canada. My parents had been refugees for 10 years and they were immigrating with three kids. I was the youngest, was just a little baby at the time, and they worked tirelessly to build a new life for us. Like I know now just how difficult it was for them at the time, learning a new language, finding new ways to make a living all while living very far away from where they once called home. But I do remember that growing up our house was so lively. We were three girls, so we played around a lot. We fought probably even more, but we were always together. I vividly remember building blanket forts with my sisters. We would go camping with our parents and cousins and I'd squeeze the jelly into the doughnuts at the diner that my parents once owned. But then it felt like I blinked my eyes, I graduated high school and I moved out of the house to live on campus. I hadn't given much thought yet to the fact that the days and hours I'd be spending with my sisters and my parents that it would take a nosedive, that we'd see each other every few weeks for holidays and birthdays. But most of my time I was now spending with my friends. And then similar to my mom, at the age of 26, I moved overseas. Unlike her, I wasn't a refugee, I didn't have kids, but I moved from Canada to the Netherlands so that I could be with my partner, so that I could be with Robin. And I often felt that I had abandoned my family and I would even tell my mom that, and she would say, "You know, but I did it too. I also left my mom to be with your dad and to start a family, and my mom did it to her mom and her mom before that, that's just life." And so even though the life stories of me and my mom could not be more different, I think it's so fascinating to see that there are some similarities with all of our life stories. And so recently I came across the findings from Our World in Data. It's a research organization and they published this report that shows who we spend our time with across our lifetime, and I think it's something we can all relate to. So what they show is that as children, we spend most of our time with our families, and that makes sense, right? They're the ones who teach us, guide us and help us navigate the world. And then as we enter adolescence, our time with family tails off and we spend more time with our friends. It's a crucial time for us to learn how to build relationships. But then you fast forward to young adulthood and our focus shifts to romantic relationships. We spend more time with our partner. It's a time when many of us start to settle down and maybe even consider having children of our own. And at around the same time, we spend a significant number of our hours with our co-workers building the foundations for our future and providing for our families. But then as we age, our social networks start to shrink. We retire, the kids leave the house and we spend an increasing amount of time alone. And this is now something I'm seeing with my parents. My dad is easing into retirement. My mom is actually currently on a solo backpacking trip. It's all just a very different life now, to the one they started in Canada when they were my age. And these graphs have really got me thinking about who is it we're spending our time with and are we spending our time wisely? And if there's anything I've taken away from the graphs is this: The first is to prioritize time with family. Knowing full well that our days are now numbered, I want to try to not brush off opportunities to connect with them more. I want to call them more. I want to see them more if I can. The second is to be intentional about friendships. I was honestly really surprised to see that we don't spend all that much time with our friends as we get older. But I do think it's really worthwhile to have a few close and really deep friendships that we invest in. I don't think we need many friends, but just a few good ones, you know? The third is to cherish time with kiddos. Robin and I don't have kids of our own yet, but I'm seeing how crazy fast my nieces and nephews are growing up. And kids don't stay in the nest for long. It's what my parents always said to us too. And I didn't much listen to it at the time, but now I see what they meant. I think the fourth is to nurture healthy relationships with our coworkers. I think it was astonishing to see how much time we spend with them, almost as much time as we spend with our partners. And so showing appreciation, communicating compassionately and investing in the relationships, I think can make a really big difference. And then lastly, I think what stood out to me the most, what was most shocking was to see the graph that showed how much time we spend alone. And so looking into the future, I want to learn to become more comfortable with being alone because the idea frankly scares me. But I know that being alone doesn't necessarily have to mean being lonely. I do find that when I have a moment alone, I either distract myself or I want to hang out with Robin, I want us to do things together. But we arguably always spend more time alone than we do with anyone else. And even more so later in life. So I do want to learn to enjoy more of my own company for the sake of my future self. But that's just my take on it. I'm curious though how you perceive these graphs. Do you feel like how you're spending your time is spent wisely kind of building relationships with the people that matter the most to you in your life? And how do you feel about the graph that shows that we spend more and more time alone as we get older? I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. I'll see you in the comments. And again, I wanted to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video. When I moved to the Netherlands, I had a case of being proper homesick. And so I made an appointment to see a therapist. It didn't honestly go that well, I think because of language and cultural differences. And then I found an incredible expat therapist, but I had to commute two hours to see her every time. And then I discovered BetterHelp and I do wish I had learned about them sooner because I think it would have saved me a lot of time in frustration. What I really appreciate about BetterHelp is that you can chat with your therapist from the comfort of your own home because everything is online. And you can request a new therapist anytime if you feel it isn't working out with a therapist that you've been matched with. And for me, that's a huge deal. So if you're struggling with anything and you feel like you could benefit from chatting with somebody about it, then you can get the ball rolling with BetterHelp, just by answering at first a few questions about what you're looking for in therapy. This is then going to help them match you with the right therapist from their network of over 25,000 experienced therapists. And from there, you can get chatting, however you feel most comfortable. Via text, phone or video chat, you can message your therapist at any time. And most importantly, you can schedule live sessions whenever it's most convenient for you. If you do want to try out BetterHelp, they're actually offering 10% off of your first month. Just be sure to visit betterhelp.com/pickuplimes or check out the link I'm going to leave for you in the description box below. That's where I'm actually also gonna leave you the links for the graphs from Our World in Data in case you want to check it out for yourself. I think the graphs are incredibly thought provoking and I think it just puts things into perspective. I often also feel that we need to be reminded more often than we need to be taught. And I think that's the case with these graphs. It's things that we kind of all already know, but it's just good to see it from time to time, you know? So anyway, thanks so much for enjoying this cup of tea with me. It's really lovely. I really appreciate you. And Pick Up Limes signing off. I'll see you in the next video.