Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles I know what you're thinking. Really, Anna? There's such a thing as being too nice. Yeah. I'd argue that there is because being nice isn't necessarily the same as being kind. Nice is something we do out of obligation or politeness or... Oh, I bet you don't even want to click that, do you? No, you don't. You're gonna watch this advertisement all the way through because you're nice. Right? Yeah. You're a people pleaser. Oh, look at that mouse. Go crazy. Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna prove you're not too nice? Well, then do it. Do it! You coward! I was having a conversation with a friend lately. So, what were your New Year's resolutions? I want to cook for my girlfriend more. Oh, that's sweet. You love cooking or...? No. Oh, well.... Does she like it when you cook for her, so you want to do that more? I don't know. She hasn't really said anything about it. Oh. Yeah... sometimes I don't want to cook for her or do her laundry, or pay for her entire lifestyle, especially when she's pretty mean to me most of the time. Cool. Yeah. And then, shortly after that, the conversation with her boyfriend went like... So you're like, cool with me cheating? You're totally fine. It's not serious. Okay. And it's not like an open relationship or anything like...(that) To be clear, you can't date anybody else. And I don't want to. Okay. And you're cool with me bringing people back to the apartment because we live together, so I can hook up here. Yeah, whatever makes you happy. Tight. I'll put a sock on the door when I got someone in there. You make me happy babe. Yeah, you too. Stop being so nice! Stop being too nice. It doesn't help anyone. Not you, not your family, not your partner, not other people. Being too nice only teaches someone else how to disrespect you take advantage of you, or take you for granted while giving you nothing but resentment, emotional overextension and exhaustion. I mean, honestly, being too nice is basically like... Are you afraid? No. I mean, well, yes. I mean, wait, what were you hoping for? I'm a murderer. Of course. I hope you're afraid. Oh, okay. Well, in that case.... Ah, Ohh, I'm terrified. You know what? You know what? This is ruined. You've completely and single handedly ruined this. I'm untying. You get the funk outta here. No... Come on! stab me. Or I'll hold a flashlight under your face. Hold a flashlight under my face?! What do you think? This is summer camp? I'm not your camp crush. Yeah, you're right. I'm so sorry. But, you know, I was terrified of my crush. Really? Oh, yeah, horrified. I would run and hide, and I would hide under the covers, too. Every time I saw him I fled in tears. Hmm... You know, you look a lot like him. Oh my God! Stop. Now, you're just indulging me. No. Oh my God, really! The resemblance is uncanny. Okay, okay, I can work with this. We're taught to be nice. But what we should actually prioritize is kindness and clear is kind. Set that boundary. If anyone says anything other than thank you, you say next. Communicate your needs. If they're a real one, they'll understand. Being nice means sacrificing yourself for others. But being kind means including yourself when you consider others. Kind is inclusive of your own wants, needs, and feelings. Stop being too nice, but never stop being kind. I'm Anna Akana. Thank you to the patrons for supporting today's video and thank you, as always, to daddy Squarespace for sponsoring today's episode and feeding my family of cats. Daddy Squarespace has an all-in-one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your business, complete with marketing tools and analytics to help your website or online store be the best that it can be. A lot of you love to create audio content, and you can use audio blocks on Squarespace, which allows you to embed audio on your site and tag the audio for itunes when your audio block is placed in a blog. Plus, you can have multiple contributors, receive selective access to your sites, website manager. And don't worry, you own all the content that you put on the daddy Squarespace platform. He offers one click Daddy portability. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And whenever you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com/anna to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Daddy squarespace.