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  • The idea that we might - as the expression has it - ‘lose touch with our feelings

  • is, when we reflect on it, a highly paradoxical one.

  • How could we lose touch with feelings that belong to us?

  • Where might they go?

  • And what might be driving their loss?

  • It seems were built in such a way that an understanding of much of what our minds

  • and bodies go through is in no way automatic; it is mediated via the acceptance and understanding

  • of other people.

  • We know well enough about some things: if, for example, there were to be a gaping wound

  • in our leg, or we hadn’t drunk anything for three days, we would know the truth soon

  • enough.

  • But many of our sensations are like bells that have no solid wire back to consciousness;

  • they ring at a peculiar frequency that isn’t picked up by our minds when these have been

  • attuned incorrectly.

  • This may, for example, happen around tiredness.

  • Our body may have grown extremely weary over many years but consciousness might simply

  • not be interested, because it’s been calibrated to respond only to an agenda which sets store

  • by the fast-paced pursuit of status and money.

  • Or we might feel hugely anxious or in a rage with someone but consciousness, might not

  • care because we have been ordered to be confident or extremelygood’.

  • Or there might be a profound sadness inside us, but the feeling might not earn our attention,

  • because were meant to be privileged people with nothing to complain about.

  • Why do we overlook our feelings like this?

  • Because we generally only notice those feelings to which other people, especially people in

  • our childhoods, pay attention to - and conversely ignore those which they sideline or belittle.

  • If no one especially cares that we are worried, if the grounds for our anger would be refused

  • immediately, if there’s a dominant assumption that tiredness is for wimps, then well

  • follow suit and disdain bits of ourselves as much as others have done.

  • Knowing how to care for ourselves depends on having been cared for by others; we listen

  • to ourselves because people around us have listened to us.

  • Reconnecting with our lost feelings therefore relies on a new, expanded sense of what it

  • might be legitimate to experience.

  • We have to be given permission to give our attention to as much of the sorrow, anxiety,

  • anger or tiredness as may really be locked inside us.

  • Put another way, we have to be loved properly, and so allowed to register whatever we are

  • actually going through without being belittled, stonewalled or humiliated.

  • Love will allow us to enjoy what should always have been our basic privilege: to know what

  • we feel.

The idea that we might - as the expression has it - ‘lose touch with our feelings

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B1 tiredness consciousness anger attention touch humiliated

How to Get in Touch With Your Feelings... and Why It Matters

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    Summer posted on 2022/03/18
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