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  • To help celebrate our 11 years of shows at TBS,

  • we're putting together montages

  • of some of our favorite show highlights.

  • Now, anyone who knows me,

  • knows I am not a fan of video games.

  • I don't play them.

  • And I'm really not good at them at all,

  • which is why I decided I was the perfect person

  • to review them.

  • Why not?

  • In a segment, we call Clueless Gamer.

  • (applause)

  • Here are some

  • of our best love Clueless Gamer moments.

  • Conan O'Brien here with another Clueless Gamer.

  • Why do I fear the Slender Man?

  • He can kill.

  • Are you scared, right now?

  • I would say, is boredom count as scared?

  • Was this a European game?

  • No, no.

  • Is it a European game?

  • I don't think so.

  • Because Europeans, man, they blow sometimes.

  • It is the Slender Man.

  • It is an old folk tale, the Slender Man.

  • What does he do to children?

  • He takes away their chestnuts.

  • Oh, that's a European truck.

  • Tell me that's not some weird, Dutch truck.

  • Look at that.

  • That's a Stroby.

  • I did the voice of this guy.

  • Why would a Gondorian come here,

  • and try to murder all of the orcs?

  • Maybe you have a problem with one orc.

  • You didn't change your voice at all.

  • You in no way changed your voice.

  • What was that?

  • You're just, want us to just do

  • some spare lines from Silicon Valley

  • and call it a day.

  • Don't see this ending well.

  • What are you saying?

  • I'm saying Piper needs funding.

  • You can design your own character.

  • I've been hard at work at mine and that's me.

  • Leg to torso ratio is about correct.

  • From Boston, Massachusetts.

  • God,

  • that's humiliating.

  • What an asshole.

  • Oh, I'm surprised I'm not shot, right now.

  • Hello?

  • I'm coming.

  • Remember when we were in that band together?

  • Yeah, weren't you a bass player in the Deftones?

  • Hey, you want to go bug some people

  • down in Venice?

  • Hey man, listen.

  • You don't get it, man.

  • Mason had a plan, man.

  • He had a plan.

  • Look, I just got fired from Amoeba, all right?

  • For now, where am I shoot to work?

  • Look, I did your tattoos for you for free.

  • Ow, ow, ow.

  • I haven't done any of this, by the way.

  • No, this is.

  • Just so you at home know,

  • we haven't touched the controller for 45 minutes.

  • No, no, no, no, no, no,

  • okay, okay,

  • dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

  • You don't have to pay me for the tattoos.

  • You don't have to pay me for the tattoos.

  • It's fine.

  • I don't know.

  • Uncross your eyes?

  • No,

  • no.

  • Kick me out of a strip club,

  • I come back with a missile firing chopper.

  • There it is, right below us.

  • Where?

  • Yeah.

  • You got hit pretty hard.

  • I did, yeah.

  • You were playing the Vikings.

  • I wanted to show a video of you getting tackled

  • but NFL won't let us have the footage.

  • So the closest thing we can do is show

  • this simulation of what happened to you.

  • Take a look.

  • All right, then there's Samus.

  • Wasn't this one of the guys from Daft Punk?

  • What's this one, Marth?

  • So these are all from different games.

  • Yes.

  • It expands the world of Nintendo.

  • Do you know about all these games?

  • Yes.

  • So you have, you've got no life.

  • You've put in all your eggs into this basket.

  • All right, so Greninja is, that's his tongue

  • and his scarf.

  • He's like a, kind of like a frog.

  • Quick, who was our second president

  • after Washington?

  • Benjamin Franklin?

  • He was never president.

  • Benjamin Franklin.

  • Uh, no, no, no, it was, uh.

  • You know all this shit.

  • But you don't know who our second president was.

  • Quick, what's his name?

  • I mean he's a villager, from Animal Crossing.

  • And who's that?

  • That's from Fire Emblem, that's Marth.

  • Okay, America just lost.

  • You get to play yourself.

  • There you are, and.

  • What do you think?

  • Wait, wait, wait, they gave you the same score as me.

  • Yeah.

  • There I am getting moisturizer.

  • Okay, this is exciting.

  • Look at me, I have no fear.

  • Hey, hey, hey, no, hey.

  • What the hell was that?

  • That's me after three beers.

  • Oh my God, this is fantastic.

  • And so now, we've got to get across the street.

  • Get across the street.

  • I'm going to cross the street.

  • Here we go.

  • Cross the street, watch yourself.

  • Oh, no.

  • You know what, they don't even slow down

  • when I've been hit.

  • Get across the street.

  • Shut up.

  • Here I go.

  • Get across the street. Get across the street.

  • Stop saying that.

  • I'm going.

  • No.

  • I am not leaving this room

  • until I get across this street.

  • I'm almost across, oh.

  • Get across the street.

  • Shut up, shut up.

  • No, oh God.

  • Oh.

  • This is the hardest thing I've done in my life.

  • Get across the street.

  • How do you run, again?

  • Get across the street.

  • Yes, yes.

  • Wait a minute, look at that.

  • There's a bridge that goes across the street.

  • There's a pedestrian crossover.

  • You stupid idiot.

  • Peter, you are the winner,

  • because it's Game of Thrones,

  • you will now be presented with my head on a spike

  • by our George RR Martin lookalike.

  • It's kind of me.

  • I'm chasing Tom Brady.

  • Focus.

  • What? What did I just do?

  • You won.

  • You just knocked Tom Brady off the bridge.

  • Oh, God.

  • He's dead.

  • Round two.

  • Round three, this decides it.

  • There you go.

  • No, what the hell happened?

  • This is Mario Kart version eight, is that right?

  • I don't know.

  • We were thinking maybe we should have like

  • stakes to it, like, uh-

  • Stakes to the game?

  • Like if the lose, like something happens

  • if you lose.

  • Like a college thing.

  • Like people draw shit on each other's faces?

  • Like dicks?

  • Wait, did I just come in first?

  • You did just come in first.

  • I came in first.

  • Something like that.

  • And look at my own natural arm hair

  • has created hair.

  • Look at that.

  • Dude, you're done.

  • Yes.

  • That's not bad at all.

  • Okay, then,

  • the game is Mario Kart eight.

  • And it is rated E, for everyone.

  • This is where I struggle with RPGs

  • because it's a lot of just walking around.

  • I got no credits.

  • This is, we're trapped in a Beckett play.

  • There's nothing,

  • there's nothing that's going to happen,

  • we're waiting for things that can't happen.

  • This is an aggressive wasting of our time.

  • Look at that thing.

  • What, the (beep) is this?

  • Wow.

  • It's a really impressive beast,

  • could have started the game with this thing.

  • Tell me when something happens.

  • Was that it?

  • That was the battle?

  • What, did something happen?

  • That's it?

  • I don't really feel a sense of accomplishment.

  • That was just to suss him out,

  • and then when you actually battle him

  • it takes three real days.

  • What's the point of all this?

  • It seriously takes three real days?

  • It takes-

  • Why would someone play this?

  • Why would someone play this game?

  • People who made the game are outside

  • and I didn't realize they're watching us

  • so they're actually watching me, now,

  • complain viciously about it.

  • And they're both behind that door.

  • And here's the beauty,

  • the only way out of the room,

  • is through that door.

  • The only way Elijah and I could get to our cars,

  • go back to our lives is through that door.

  • And they're still watching me say this.

  • We have to face them.

  • This, what's happening now,

  • is more thrilling than anything that happened

  • to this (inaudible).

  • Hello?

  • You've been working on this game for seven months?

  • What's the (beep) purpose?

  • You're a murderer.

  • A mass murderer of people's time.

  • Babies will not be born because of you.

  • Crops will not be brought in from the fields.

  • That said, good job.

To help celebrate our 11 years of shows at TBS,

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Clueless Gamer's Funniest Moments | CONAN on TBS

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    林宜悉 posted on 2022/03/06
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