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In /The Dhammapada/, Buddha says, “If, as you travel, you meet none better than yourself,
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or equal, you should steadfastly travel alone.
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There's no companionship with fools.”
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So Buddha's saying that the fool doesn't make a good friend, and if you don't have
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good friends, he says it's better to be alone.
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And even though that might sound obvious, it's actually difficult to put into practice,
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because people don't think about what it means to be a good friend.
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When we know what a good friend is, we know what a bad friend is, and when we know what
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a bad friend is, we can avoid wasting our time and energy in that relationship.
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So let's start at the top: what is a good friend?
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Like Buddha says, I think a good friend offers you companionship.
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They offer you a relationship where there's mutual learning, and because of that, there's
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a mutual increase in freedom.
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The mathematics of friendship work out such that 1 + 1 = 3.
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Both parties get more within the relationship than they would without it.
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The relationship allows them to gain greater insight into themselves, each other, and the
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world.
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It allows them to learn, expand, and gain a greater freedom from suffering.
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To me, that's companionship.
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So if a good friend gives you companionship, a bad friend doesn't.
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But why doesn't a bad friend give you that?
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Buddha says that a bad friend is a fool, but what is a fool?
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Ultimately, I think a fool is someone who's self-absorbed.
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They're obsessed with their own thoughts.
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They overvalue what they know and how they see the world, and they undervalue the knowledge
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of others.
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They overestimate what they know and underestimate what they don't know.
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And because The Fool is so self-absorbed, they don't pay much attention to others,
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and because they don't pay attention to others, they're less capable of learning
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from them.
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The Fool is attached to /their own/ point of view, and because of that, they're not
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going to step into your shoes and look at the world from /your/ point of view.
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And if you express a point of view that contradicts their own, they're likely to get angry or
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ignore it, and they're definitely not going to try and understand it.
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And since The Fool doesn't want to understand you, they won't be able to teach you /or/
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learn from you.
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And if they can't teach you or learn from you, there won't be any growth in understanding
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for you or them.
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And without mutual growth, there's no companionship.
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I think that's why Buddha says it's better to go alone than seek companionship from a
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bad friend.
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At least if you go alone, you still have the possibility of enriching your own life, discovering
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a real friend, and you won't waste time, energy, and attention on a fruitless endeavour.
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So what are the signs, then, that a friendship won't work.
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If someone doesn't take a natural interest in your worldview, in how you see the world,
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especially when it contradicts with their own, it's unlikely the friendship will work.
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If they don't take an interest in understanding you, what can they learn from or teach you?
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They won't learn from you, because they don't have a genuine interest in exploring
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your knowledge.
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But if they don't explore your knowledge, they won't understand your point of view.
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And if they don't understand your point of view, how will they correct it?
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So they won't even be able to teach you.
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The relationship won't really be fruitful for either party.
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So, as Buddha said, it's better to go alone than seek companionship in a false friend.
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But it's worth considering how good of a friend we are ourselves.
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Do we take a natural interest in the worldview of those around us?
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Do we try to step into their shoes and see the world from their point of view?
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Do we explore their knowledge and see what they know that we don't?
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And if we don't, why not?
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There's someone here in front of us with a unique point of view, experiences, knowledge,
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feelings, and ideas.
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And through mutual exploration, we can both expand our own views of the world.
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But if we're not interested in what others think, if we're not interested in a point
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of view that challenges our own, then we have to ask ourselves: what are we really interested
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in?
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Are we just interested in being validated, flattered, and obeyed?
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Are we just seeking the feelings of comfort, superiority, and power?
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It's just something to think about.
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So if awareness and lack of self-absorption is important for true friendship, what stops
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us from being aware?
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I actually talked about this in another video titled /Buddha - Be Aware, Become Free/.
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I'll put a link to it in the description below, because it picks up where this one
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left off and builds nicely on top of it.
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But before you go, remember, this is just my opinion and understanding of Buddha's
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words, not advice, and please consider liking this video if
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you
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liked
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the video.