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  • Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.

  • This week's artifact is "Frozen", which won an Academy Award for its chart-topping song "Let It Be" by the Beatles.

  • The film follows a princess who suffers from a rare, human condition called "unexplained mutant ice powers".

  • Elsa!

  • Her name is Elsa, but it might as well be Milkshake, because she gives her little sister, Anna, brain-freeze.

  • Their parents take Anna to the emergency room to get her a lobotomy.

  • Elsa worries that the lobotomy might be contagiousDon't touch me!⏤so she hides in her room for the rest of the decade.

  • Satisfied that they have done a good job raising their children away from any kind of school or social interaction, the parents go on vacation and die.

  • And after waiting around doing nothing for three years in a kingdom ruled by no one, Elsa becomes queen.

  • But her name might as well be Queen Milkshake, because she brings all the boys to the yard.

  • Anna meets a prince named Hans, and they decide to get married after two conversations, which is their right as heterosexuals.

  • Anna asks Elsa to save the date, but she refuses.

  • - You can't marry a man you just met. - What?!

  • As a preemptive strike against anyone calling her Milkshake again, Elsa runs away.

  • She builds herself a new castle with central A/C, casting the land in eternal winter.

  • In any case, Anna meets another conventionally-attractive, age-appropriate guy named Kristoff, who agrees to risk his life taking her up the mountain in exchange for a carrot.

  • Along the way, they meet OlafElsa's illegitimate sonwho shows them the way to Elsa's castle.

  • Anna asks Elsa to come back, which is basically Elsa's biggest pet peeve, so she zaps Anna again and has her new boyfriend kick them to the proverbial curb.

  • Kristoff takes Anna back to the emergency room, where the on-call physician explains that Anna's heart has been frozen with a capital "F"...

  • - There is ice in your heart. - No!

  • ... and can only be thawed by an act of true love.

  • Like when someone doesn't throw away this month's "Quarks Illustrated" before you're done reading it, Karen!

  • Kristoff drops Anna off back home so Hans can give her a little C12-H22-O11.

  • But Hans doesn't want to give her a little anything, because of cooties.

  • Turns out, he's the bad guy and just wants the throne, so he locks up Elsa for treason and Anna for symmetry.

  • Olaf helps Anna escape, and tells her to go kiss Kristoff instead, since kissing is all she's good for, anyway.

  • She figures, "What the hell," but then she sees Elsa is in trouble, so performs an act of true love on her instead, and not in a gross way, Karen!

  • And just like Huey Lewis, Elsa realizes the power of love...

  • That's the power of love. That's the power of love.♫ ... which makes her suddenly able to reverse the winter and prove once and for all that it's hip to be square.

  • "Frozen" is a musical about the dueling properties of two of Earth's most cherished elements⏤a song of ice and fire, if you will.

  • Heck, I don't know why you wouldn't.

  • Anna is associated with fire, which indicates warmth and passion.

  • She has fiery red hair and freckles, or sunspots, on her shoulders, which she should really get checked out, just to be safe.

  • She uses fire as a weapon against the horse attack.

  • When Hans reveals to Anna that he only wants her for her nobility, he extinguishes a fire, thereby extinguishing the passion Anna had for him.

  • Elsa is associated with ice; she is cold and rational...

  • - I don't dance. - Oh.

  • ... and thinks the answer to life is to inhibit her feelings.

  • Don't feel. Don't feel.

  • And, on our planet, she wouldn't be wrong, since feelings are punishable by death.

  • She isolates herself, trading in her traditional garb for a revealing, skin-tight, transparent dress, and all on a shoestring budget.

  • It suggests liberation, perhaps even sexual liberation.

  • But, at what cost?

  • It is only by embracing the love of her sister that Elsa can find real fulfillment and the happiness that comes with social solidarity, or from a good piece of chocolate.

  • Chocolate!

  • The movie seems to suggest that independence is a mistake, which falls in line with Disney's mob mentality.

  • All people require connection, so a solitary person is considered incomplete and in need of fixing.

  • Nobody wants to be alone.

  • As the medical staff says, "We need each other to fix us up and round us out."

  • We need each other to fix us up and round us out!♫

  • Easy for them to saythey're already round.

  • However, "Frozen" is progressive in that the hero's redemption arrives in the form of sisterly love, rather than that of a charming prince or a frog or whatever.

  • The adage of "love at first sight", as evidenced by the courtship of Prince Hans, is proven to be as trivial and misguided as Karen.

  • And, even with a promising suitor such as Kristoff, there is no definitive wedding. They take it slow.

  • Mmm, so slow.

  • In addition to conservative messages, another recurring motif is the door, something humans used when they were too tired to phase through the wall.

  • The film begins with the two princesses stuck in a kingdom with closed gates.

  • And, of course, there's the door separating the sisters throughout their weirdly uneventful childhood.

  • Once she becomes a homeowner, Elsa brags about how she'll handle solicitors.

  • Turn away and slam the door!♫

  • Anna later solicits her to do the opposite.

  • Please don't slam the door.

  • One of the final lines of the film is, "I like the open gates. We're never closing them again."

  • I like the open gates.

  • We are never closing them again.

  • The subtext is clear: Elsa won't shut her sister out anymore, and the kingdom will be forever susceptible to attack.

  • For Earthling Cinema, I'm Garyx Wormuloid.

  • If you're feeling chilly, grab a cup of hot cocoa and curl up in front of my breakdown of "Toy Story 3".

  • Till next time, stay warm.

  • "Reach for the sky!"

Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.

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Hidden Meaning in Disney's Frozen - Earthling Cinema

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    Julianne Sung posted on 2021/11/30
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