[S]: I thought of an idea for a super fun video that my wife doesn't seem to like. [M]: What... have you DONE, Simon?

[S]: So it's melon season now in Japan and I decided to get a regular priced melon and a SUPER EXPENSIVE MELON!!!

[♫ "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart plays, showcasing the expensive melon in all its glory.]

[S]: Captain's log: I just spent... $150 dollars.. on two melons.

[S]: One of them was $10. One of them was $140.

[S]: Woo-whooo, wooo-wee.

[S]: Wee ooh wee ooh wee...

[S]: Question: do you think my wife will kill me? Yes or no?

[M]: Simon, how-- [S]: How much did I spend on this melon?

[M]: How much was this melon? [S]: How much did I spend on this melon?

[S]: Um, you're gonna first taste both--

[S]: And then you're gonna guess the price of this one. [M]: No! Let me just take a stab, though, here.

[M]:This costs more than any pair of shoes I've ever bought right? [S]: I don't know, what's the most expensive shoes you've ever bough?

[M]: 80 bucks?

[S]: I'm not going to tell you the answer to that, yet.

[M]: This costs more than any purse I've ever bought, right?

[S]: I'm not going to tell you the answer to that either. [M]: This costs more than a single piece of jewelry I've ever purchased on myself.

[S]: So this is the regular melon that they have. This was...

[S]: 980 yen, so that's roughly 10 bucks.

[glass shattering] [M]: OH MY GOD! I can't believe that normal melon was 10 bucks.

[S]: What is it?

[S]: I'm sorry, we've been here for a long time now. [M]: Please don't-- skip the pre-roll ads!

[S]: Hey! [laughing] If you're new to our channel,

[S]: Please un-skip the ads or, you know what? Watch this video again!

[S]: Look at this beautiful box.

[S]: You know that when I was there I pointed to it and I said, "I want that."

[S]: He says, "That's a sample."

[S]: He went to the back, got another one, and then he asked what color ribbon do I want.

[S]: And he let me select the ribbon. [M]: What color choices were there?

[S]: There was this, and there was blue, and there was-- I dunno whatever f*cking color, I didn't check. [M]: Good choice, though!

[S]l I picked pink for my love. [M]: Thank you. [S]: This is a gift for you! [M]: And I'm wearing pink, and I'm not sharing it with you.

[M]: You're one of those people who's like, "I bought this gift for you!" [BOTH]: For me! For you! For me!

[S]: Let's open up this gorgeous box here. [M]: Oh my god, Simon...

[♫ "Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss plays softly in the background for the unwrapping of the melon]

[S]: Look at this... glorious....

[M]: You know what, it can look glorious all it wants, but it better tastes like the best melon I've ever had in my life. [S]: Okay.

[S]: When I saw this one,

[S]: I thought, like yeah, that's not bad of a melon. Look at this compared to it. This is so like expectations versus reality.

[M]: [breathy voice] Do you like my melons? [S]: I love your melons, girl.

[S]: Here, you can feel every ridge popping up.

[S]: This is so textured. This-- all of those ridges, have smoothed down... [M]: Is this melon...

[S]: Yeah. Yes. [M]: Okay, I'm gonna--

[M]: I don't like your huffeling. It makes me feel like, I was going to say 80 bucks,

[M]: but because you're making huffing sounds? Okay, it's gotta be like a 120 dollars? [S]: More.

[M]: [Sharp intake of breath]

[M]: OHH MY GAWD!! [echoes]

[M]: UUGGGHHHHH!! [echoing, Simon joins in]

[M]:150 bucks? [S]: Less. [M]: 140 bucks? [S]: It's 140 bucks.

[M]: THIS IS 140--?! [echoes] YES, it costs more than any shoes

[M]: I bought or bag I bought or-- [S]: That's a $140 melon. [M]: Oh my...

[M]: [deep voice] GGGOOOO--!!

[M]: [deep voice, echoing] OOOOOOOOOOO--

[M]: No, what did it-- what could they possibly do to charge this much for a melon?

[S]: Well, you could already tell by just looking at the outside-- [M]: I don't care how it looks.

[M]: This is one of those things where they're like, "It's perfect in circle shape." [S]: Gurrrl, we gotta taste it to figure it out. [M]: Okay, okay.

[S]: I'm gonna cut this one right here first. Here's the regular melon... okay, I-I guess. [M]: Do you want me to help you here?

[S]: Yeah, I've never done this, like melons are rich people food, alright? I never ate this growing up.

[S]: I gotta say, even though this isn't a $140 melon, it's still going to be amazing.

[M]: [strained sigh] Uh-ughhhhhhh...

[M]: This is all we can afford to eat for the week!

[S]: Alright, let's try to this melon first.

[slurping and eating noises]

[M]: I mean, that is delicious. [S]: That is an amazing melon. Oh my gosh!

[M]: Mmm.

[S]: Mmm! [M]: Normally when you have this kind of green melon, back home in Canada--

[M]: It has like a mushy, crunchy texture, but it almost tastes like a cucumber with a hint of, like, leftover melon flavor.

[S]: No, you know-- Canadian melons taste like dishwater. There's no sweetness to it-- [M]: Soapy, or... [S]: It's just like a, like a...

[S]: Bilge, kind of.

[M]: A "BILGE"? [S]: A bilge! Bilge is a word. [M]: I don't know what "bilge" means, please define bilge for me.

[S]: Bilge is, um,

[S]: One of the hobbits that didn't come with them, along the trip to Mordor.

[M]: [falsetto voice] "I'm coming Bilbo!"

[M]: "No, Bilge, just-- that goat, and we need y'to feed him..." [falsetto voice] "Oh, okay!"

[S]: Oh man. This is such a good melon.

[M]: Okay, so when I was a kid, Miki's mom

[M]: gave me these little tiny gums from Japan. Some were grape, some were strawberry, some were melon.

[M]: And when I ate that melon gum, I remember thinking, "Wow this is really good melon gum, but tastes like candy." [S]: Yeah.

[M]: I did not realize until we moved to Japan, that all those flavors in the boxes were actual legitimate flavors of Japanese fruit. [S]: Uh-huh. Right.

[M]: This tastes like candy. I don't need to eat candy. [S]: I don't need to eat candy. [M]: I can eat this.

[S]: Let's do...

[Simon's heavenly singing]

[M] ♫ I will...

[both] ...remember youuuuu! ♫

[S]: Here we go.

[S]: AH! Should we?

[S]: Ah, it even sounds different when you cut it.

[M]: So-- it looks quite different actually. [S]: Okay. Yeah, it looks, like, yellowy.

[M]: It looks yellowy-er in the middle, AND-- [S]: Okay, so let's take a look at these... I'll be honest, with the expensive melon

[S]: it seems like there's less melon and more seed. [M]: Maybe I should take these seeds and plant them.

[M]: Do you think they're, like, copywritten seeds like, um-- [S]: Yeah, like Monsanto that screws everyone over? [M]: Yeah, exactly!

[M]: This better be the best

[M]: thing I ever put in my mouth. This better be-- [S]: Second best thing. [M]: That's coco curry was first.

[M]: You have a-- [falsetto voice] you have a bad and dirty attitude mister! [S]: Whaaat? I don't want--

[S]: Who said anything about dirty? I just said Coco curry is really good.

[S]: Alright. [M]: It does look different. It looks juicier-- [S]: It def, yes, okay.

[M]: This looks like a giant avocado!

[M]: I don't really smell anything. It touched my nose! [S]: I smell, I smell--

[S]: Smell that one... [M]: Yep.

[M]: That one smells better. [S]: This-- the cheap one actually smells better. [M]: Great, awesome, super duper off to a good start. [S]: Okay.

[S]: Here we go. [M]: You ready? [S]: Yeah.

[M]: Three, two, one--

[Slurping and eating noises]

[S]: MMMMMMM!!!

[M]: I mean...

[loud slurping]

[S]: The sugar in here almost has, like, a honey taste to it. [M]: And it's SO juicy. [S]: Mmm.

[S]: That might be the best fruit I've ever had in my life.

[M]: Not the best FRUIT I've ever had. [S]: What fruit have you ever had that's better than one? [M]: My Ehime orange. [S]: True.

[S]: That's really good. [M]: I mean, this is amazing. Tastes like melon, but it has its own unique flavor.

[M]: I guess it's like a new species, because they look totally different.

[S]: Okay, so half of this melon is $70,

[S]: and you just had 30 percent... [M]: I'm trying to do math now.

[S]: So $21 for that slice, and then you had half of that, so you just had...

[S]: at least three dollars' worth of melon.

[S]: I'm going to keep eating this, because this is-- [M]: Um, as am I.

[M]: If you gave this to somebody as a gift,

[M]: and it was in comparison to what we normally have in Canada,

[M]: it would be really special, but because in Japan the original produce taste so good in general, it kind of is-- [S]: Yeah.

[M]: --difficult to see the comparison. [S]: I'm going to have some of the default one here, bite them side-by-side, see if you taste a huge difference.

[M]: But I mean the texture's just... different. [S]: Yeah, okay.

[S]: [slurps] That's great.

[S]: Okay, the expensive one is significantly sweeter.

[S]: This one-- [M]: Melon-y right? [S]: Yeah.

[both]: Melon-y. [M]: This one tastes like Melon candy. This really tastes like its own-- even the texture is different. [S]: Yeah.

[M]: The expensive one tastes like when you bite into a mango flesh-- eww ,"flesh".

[M]: Ugh, I don't want to say that. When it has that kind of soft, juicy texture, and the normal melon tastes like biting into, like,

[M]: a crunchy melon. [S]: The expensive one is softer also. [M]: Also totally different in the way that it juices.

[S]: Yeah, the default one holds it's juices more. This one, you just look at it and it gets wet all over you.

[record scratch]

[M]: Excuse me, sir! [S]: I'm talking about the--!

[M]: You have a... ridiculous mind. [S]: What are y-- I'm just saying that-- gurrl. [M]: Come on.

[S]: You know what? The default melon is a lot tighter when you bite into it --

[S]: the expensive melon has, like, almost like the texture of a watermelon. You know how you, like, bite into it, like a watermelon kind of falls apart?

[S]: This is more fall apart-y. [M]: But it doesn't have the texture of a watermelon, it has the texture of a mango. It has the--

[M]: juiciness of the watermelon.

[S]: Super expensive strawberry video we did? Huge disappointment. This is not a huge disappointment.

[S] Is this worth $140? I wouldn't say so,

[S]: but I also remember, like, one time we went to, like, a kobe beef restaurant, and they had, like, a

[S]: $200 and a $300 beef, and we had a bit of each. [M]: Mm-hmm, we shared, yeah.

[S]: Yeah. The $300 one wasn't necessarily a $100 better. [M]: Yeah.

[S]: Is this one $130 better than this? No. Is it better? Yes. [M]: Yes, it is better.

[S]: What's the most you would spend for this melon? [M]: I'd spend 15 bucks. Like, if the normal one is 9.80,

[M]: I would spend $5 more for, like, a different kind of melon. To spend this money

[M]: on melon is just, it's just crazy. And I understand that gift melons in Japan, are Gift Melons. Like, for example

[M]: you have a baby, and you buy this

[M]: special gift. Imagine, so for your wedding, rather than somebody buying you a piece of pottery that you don't want or something, imagine

[M]: them coming with a really good melon.

[M]: So depending on if any of you guys liked this video, or not. We might

[M]: uh, go ahead and not eat for a month and save money to buy expensive grapes because grape season's coming up.

[S]: You know what? Before I bought this, I actually saw at the store $200 grapes

[S]: and I was going to buy them, but grapes come into season more next month--

[M]: Two HUNDRED dollar GRAPES?!

[S]: Yeah, they're not in prime season yet,

[S]: so I wanna wait until-- only if YOU, the viewer want us to eat $200 grapes.

[M]: [withering laughter] And only if you don't skip the pre-roll ads! [S]: Right.

[S]: Can I just say: it feels so good to be back in Japan. [M]: It does feel great to be back in Japan.

[S]: The food here is so delicious, our neighbors are so lovely, I'm so happy to be here. I missed making videos, everyone--

[S]: We're getting back to making videos now. [M]: Yup. [S]: We'll see you with some more coming up really soon.

[M]: We've got a very exciting, uh, beach video coming up soon, guys. [S]: If we didn't go bankrupt off of this video.

[S]: Okay, let's-- let's have some more of this melon. Goodbye everybody.

[Simon smells the melon]

[S]: Oh man. This was so good.

[M]: [inhale-whispering] Really expensive melon. It was too expensive for melon.

[M]: [inhale-whispering] It was way too expensive for melon.

[deep voice] It is our Lord Commander Melon. You will obey me and my melon minions, you will purchase me, and we will take over the world! WA-HAHA! HAHAHA!