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  • Hey, Psych2Goers!

  • What was your childhood like?

  • The way you were raised can have a very big impact on who you are now.

  • Your relationship with your parents and the environment you were in can shape your personality, interests, and ideals much more than what most people may realize.

  • Harmful behaviors and phrases used by your parents when you were growing up can impact your mental well-being, and affect how you view your other relationships when you're older.

  • It may even strain your relationship with them down the line.

  • So, whether you're already a caregiver looking for phrases to avoid or a child seeking information, here are eight hurtful things parents tell children.

  • Before we get started, this is a disclaimer that this video isn't meant to diagnose, treat, or cure anyone.

  • It's for informative purposes only, so if you or someone you know may be struggling, we urge you to seek professional help from a therapist or another trusted professional.

  • Number One: "You're so dramatic. Grow up."

  • Have you ever been told you're too dramatic?

  • As a child, you may have been upset about something that wasn't objectively a big deal.

  • However, while the problem might not have been that bad rationally speaking, the emotions you felt were still important.

  • When parents dismiss how their child is feeling, it can make them feel as if their emotions aren't valid and that they don't deserve to be expressed.

  • Telling them to grow up can also cause them to perceive adults as unfeeling, which may cause future problems with communication and being vulnerable.

  • The bottom line is that all emotions are important, valid, and deserve to be expressed in a healthy way.

  • Number Two: "Why are you like this?"

  • Have you ever been asked this?

  • How did you respond?

  • Questions like "why are you like this?" or 'what's wrong with you?" tend to be used rhetorically when someone is frustrated.

  • However, they can have many psychological impacts, especially for children.

  • A child could start believing that they're inadequate, broken, or that there's something wrong with them.

  • Children are extremely impressionable, so a parent saying this out of spite can affect them for years.

  • Parents should try to avoid this phrase no matter how frustrated they get.

  • Phrases like, "Talk to me about what's wrong" or, "I'm listening. Let's talk this out," are much better alternatives that promote healthy communication and understanding.

  • Number Three: "You belong to me and no one else."

  • Are your parents protective?

  • Many caretakers feel the natural instinct to protect their children; however, being too possessive may end up harming their emotional growth.

  • When parents don't let their children explore the world and experience new things, they can become over-reliant on the guidance that won't always be there.

  • Telling them this can also suggest the idea that love is about control and ownership.

  • In reality, people aren't objects, and they deserve to grow and mature at their own pace.

  • Number Four: "As long as I'm feeding and clothing you, you'll follow my rules."

  • Have your parents ever guilt-tripped you by using this phrase?

  • While many parents use it to motivate children to do simple chores like cooking and cleaning, it can have some unintended consequences.

  • For example, it could make a child feel like a burden or that they always have to live the way their parents want them to, which may lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.

  • Moreover, they may feel as if they're in debt to their parents and make important decisions based upon family expectations, and not upon their own wants and needs.

  • While children should acknowledge everything their parents do for them, it's also important to realize that parental love and support isn't something to hold over their heads.

  • Number Five: "You're too thin or overweight."

  • Do your parents make small comments about your weight whenever you eat?

  • While it may not sound like a big deal, it perpetuates body-shaming ideas and our society's fixation on fitting and following a certain beauty standard.

  • Always mentioning someone's weight may also promote an unhealthy relationship with food as they may feel they're eating too much or that eating is a chore.

  • While it's important to ensure your child is eating healthy, making comments about their weight or body shape may only drag them down.

  • Instead, you may want to focus on promoting a balanced diet with everything in moderation.

  • Number Six: "I wish you were more like ..."

  • Do your parents compare you with siblings, cousins, and seemingly anyone even semi-close to your age?

  • When parents constantly wish their children were different, it can become detrimental to their children's self-esteem and cause them to constantly overexert themselves.

  • Their children may always feel as if they have to compete with everyone, which may lead to burnout, exhaustion, and jealousy.

  • Number Seven: "That's the way I was raised, and I turned out fine."

  • Have you ever objected to a decision your parents made, only to be shut down by this response?

  • Many caretakers both subconsciously and consciously mimic the way they were raised.

  • But this can become a problem when they're unwilling to listen to their children's problems and ideas.

  • This close-minded mentality closes communication lines and makes children feel as if their emotions and ideas are not important.

  • Instead, caretakers may want to try recognizing that parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.

  • It's ever-changing, so what may have worked for them may not apply to everyone.

  • And number eight: "You were an accident."

  • While it's true some parents have unplanned children, telling a child this can leave them with long-term emotional scars.

  • This is especially the case if they are at a young age.

  • A child could feel unwanted or like a burden, which could affect them throughout their entire lives.

  • Adding, "I love you anyway," doesn't really help either.

  • Kids want to be loved unconditionally, so if you're a parent wanting to tell your child about their conception, you may want to try to wait until they're older or to phrase it differently.

  • Have you heard any of these phrases before?

  • If so, which ones?

  • How did it affect you?

  • Let us know in the comments below.

  • If you find this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe, and share this video with those who might benefit from it.

  • And don't forget to hit the notification bell icon to get notified whenever Psych2Go posts a new video.

  • The references and studies used in this video are added in the description below.

  • Thanks for watching, and we'll see you in the next one.

Hey, Psych2Goers!

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B1 US child affect communication phrase raised valid

8 Hurtful Things Parents Tell Children

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    Julianne Sung posted on 2021/07/20
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