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  • I can't believe I'm finally back.

  • I know it's been so long.

  • Did you miss me?

  • Of course I missed you.

  • You look fantastic.

  • Did you didn't want to invite me, or what?

  • No.

  • Or was it a pandemic?

  • Because that's everyone's excuse for everything

  • now, the pandemic.

  • Yeah, that was the excuse, but couldn't escape you.

  • I haven't seen you since like Modern Family.

  • I know, since we had all of you on at the--

  • The group.

  • It was like three years ago, right?

  • Was it?

  • Yeah, I think it was.

  • Do you not know when your show ended?

  • No, I don't want to think about it.

  • Yeah, well--

  • The show didn't end three years ago.

  • It ended a year and a half ago.

  • One year ago.

  • But I miss it, so I don't think about bad things.

  • Oh.

  • You miss me, so you don't think about bad things.

  • I miss you, but I miss Modern Family more.

  • Well, I miss you, and I'm glad to see you.

  • Thank you for being here.

  • No, thank you.

  • Thank you for having me.

  • I was so excited when they told me that you finally

  • had invited me.

  • Oh my God.

  • You are welcome any time, you know that.

  • Let's talk about your doggie.

  • You got a dog, and it doesn't like you.

  • I don't have a dog.

  • Yeah.

  • It's not mine.

  • Joe has a dog.

  • Joe has a dog.

  • It was a dog that was-- look at her.

  • Idiot.

  • It's a chihuahua?

  • I mean--

  • It's an idiot?

  • It doesn't even look like a chihuahua.

  • It's like, it looks like it's some kind of teddy bear.

  • Look at them.

  • Look at them.

  • Yeah.

  • It's like, I don't even know why I live with them anymore.

  • Yeah, so you got the dog.

  • It was for me.

  • Did you get it, or did Joe get it for you?

  • No, I got it for myself.

  • She arrived, and completely ignored me,

  • went straight to him.

  • She has taken everything that was mine.

  • It's not laughing thing.

  • Yeah.

  • It's horrible.

  • She has taken my husband.

  • My bed.

  • You know--

  • She sleeps in bed with you?

  • Not with me, with Joe.

  • They sleep together, and I sleep there on the other side.

  • It's like it has become something so weird,

  • but I have to say it's her fault. It's not Joe's fault.

  • She's obsessed with him.

  • Yeah, well, he's easy to obsess over.

  • He's a--

  • Yes, but not to that level.

  • It's like she hates me.

  • If he has to go away for work or something-- a meeting--

  • and she knows that she has to stay with me in the house.

  • She knows she has to deal with me,

  • but she won't do eye contact.

  • It's always looking out.

  • I put her here, and she's always looking out.

  • Every little noise, every little thing, the garage door--

  • it's just--

  • she cannot enjoy the time with me?

  • No.

  • It's just I know I have to sit with you because you're

  • the other person here in this house, but she hates me.

  • I have that with my three dogs.

  • They prefer Portia.

  • The three of them?

  • All three, so I have the same situation.

  • Oh, so you must be worse than me.

  • I must be.

  • I think I'm pretty good to them, but they just really love her

  • more.

  • And it's frustrating because I feed them too.

  • I do things, you know.

  • So what I was thinking then maybe

  • I need to get another dog, but it

  • could happen that the next dog could fall in love

  • with him and not with me.

  • No, I was going to suggest that.

  • I think you should get another dog.

  • What's the dog's name?

  • Phoebe?

  • Bobo?

  • Bubbles.

  • This one is Bubbles.

  • I was just making a name up.

  • We adopted her, and she came with that name.

  • We rescued her.

  • That was her name, Bubbles.

  • You can change it, you know.

  • I've changed names.

  • Yes, but how horrible to change someone

  • that is already six years old.

  • In dog years, she was like, what?

  • Like 50 something, so change her name for no reason--

  • to put what kind of name?

  • Taquito, or Burrito, or what?

  • It doesn't have to be Taquito or Burrito.

  • You could come up with anything other than Bubbles.

  • They will get used to it.

  • We've rescued animals and changed their names.

  • Horrific.

  • It's not horrific.

  • Let's talk about you now.

  • Let's look at this picture, and tell me when this happened,

  • and what the hell you were doing.

  • Oh, oh my God.

  • Yeah, well I posted recently this picture

  • and, and it's a mystery to me because, I

  • mean what could I have been doing in a shoe that big, first

  • of all.

  • Well, it's a prop.

  • It's not really a shoe, let's make sure we know that.

  • It's just a prop.

  • What do you mean, it's a high heel.

  • Yes, it's a-- OK, so--

  • What would have been the situation

  • that I decided this is a good idea to sit-in a red bikini,

  • I was super hot at the time though.

  • Yeah.

  • You look good.

  • I was young and fresh.

  • But you were modeling.

  • I was not modeling.

  • Well then what were you do-- you're not

  • working at an office.

  • I mean, what are you--

  • what are you doing?

  • I don't know.

  • It must have been--

  • I don't know.

  • I was doing something, but I don't really know.

  • And maybe people convinced me on doing things

  • that I didn't want to do.

  • I don't know.

  • How old were you there?

  • I must have been like 22, 23?

  • 22.

  • Well you know, at that age, you'll do anything.

  • But I look great.

  • Well, I mean, I dated men so I know what you mean.

  • So, I mean, you did model, so that must have been--

  • Well, yeah, I did some modeling.

  • It was more like spokesperson kind of thing,

  • but I didn't do like fashion modeling or anything.

  • I must have been selling something there for sure.

  • Maybe I was selling that big shoe.

  • You're probably selling one big shoe.

  • Yeah, those were very popular.

  • It's a chair I think, so maybe--

  • I don't know.

  • I'll find out.

  • Somebody would text me, I think, or Instagram me, or something,

  • and tell me what it is, because I cannot remember what was I

  • doing.

  • OK.

  • What do you think I was doing?

  • I don't know.

  • I'm just going to--

  • It's a mystery, I'm telling you.

  • I know.

  • Do we have to go to break, Matt, or should I ask her

  • about eating all the time?

  • Well, first of all, I didn't know I was doing that.

  • I didn't know I had a problem, until people started

  • posting pictures of me eating.

  • And then I started to realize, like what is wrong with me?

  • But, you know, you have to give it to me that I'm always

  • long hours on the set.

  • You get bored, you get a little anxious,

  • and what else are you going to do?

  • Right.

  • But I have a technique that my makeup artist appreciate,

  • because you open your mouth really wide,

  • and you don't mess up your lipstick.

  • Yes.

  • So I know how to eat, and it doesn't mess up the lipstick.

  • It does look like you open your mouth very wide to eat.

  • But it's not just for fun.

  • It's for a practical--

  • yeah, and you put it in there, and it doesn't, the lipstick--

  • perfect.

  • Do you let it dissolve or do you chew?

  • No, I tell chew.

  • How am I going to swallow a banana or swallow a popcorn,

  • you can't.

  • You have to chew.

  • But once it's past the lips, you're fine.

  • You're good to go.

  • Why don't they create like a plastic thing,

  • like a funnel, and you can just funnel it into your mouth.

  • I mean, I guess that could be, but why

  • do I need that if I know how to do it perfectly without it.

  • That would be like a waste of my money, and for what?

  • I mean, I know how to do it.

  • I can teach it, but we don't have anything here to eat.

  • We should have brought something.

  • I would have taught you.

  • I'm sure we have some food, we'll bring you--

  • and you can show me how to do it.

  • We'll take a break.

  • We'll find some food.

  • Get something large, and let us--

  • No, no.

  • Yeah.

  • Get something very large.

  • I want to learn how to do it, because I don't

  • want to mess up my Chapstick.

  • Yeah.

  • We'll be back.

  • Sofia Vergara is here with us.

  • That was America's Got Talent, that was the season premiere.

  • I really didn't know if y'all were going to like him,

  • but tWitch and I liked him.

  • I mean, I don't know how far he's

  • going to make it in the competition,

  • but it was something that made us so happy,

  • so we wanted to give him the opportunity

  • Oh yeah.

  • I'm glad you did, because that was hilarious.

  • It was fantastic.

  • I mean, there was so much great talent on the premiere.

  • The magician was incredible.

  • Did you like it?

  • I loved him.

  • I don't understand how he did that.

  • And then the three, the guys that sang,

  • and then the young Black kid that

  • was the singer, the comedian, and then the--

  • The comedian!

  • I don't know, listen, it's like--

  • I tell you, I'm so lucky.

  • We saw 200 people.

  • We enjoy it.

  • We were there, and you're being entertained by the best

  • entertainers of the world.

  • So--

  • It's a great job.

  • I'm so lucky.

  • Yeah, you are lucky.

  • Sofia, we're going to take a break,

  • and then you and I are going to play Burning Questions.

  • We're going to--

  • I know, Ellen, don't start.

  • Just going to learn a lot more about you.

  • That's all I'm saying.

  • All right?

  • OK.

  • Yep.

  • Don't be so excited.

  • Yeah.

  • We'll be back.

I can't believe I'm finally back.

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