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  • Now, I make my living talking to people.

  • Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.

  • I talk to people that I like.

  • I talk to people that I don't like.

  • I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.

  • But I still have a great conversation with them.

  • So I have 10 basic rules.

  • I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations.

  • Number one: Don't multitask.

  • And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand.

  • I mean be present.

  • Be in that moment.

  • Number two: Don't pontificate.

  • If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.

  • Number three: Use open-ended questions.

  • Start your questions with who, what, where, when, why or how.

  • If I ask you, "Were you terrified?"

  • you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is "terrified," and the answer is, "Yes, I was," or "No, I wasn't."

  • Try asking them things like, "What was that like?"

  • "How did that feel?"

  • Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.

  • Number four: Go with the flow.

  • That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind.

  • Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.

  • Err on the side of caution.

  • Talk should not be cheap.

  • Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs.

  • It's not the same.

  • It is never the same.

  • All experiences are individual.

  • And, more importantly, it is not about you.

  • Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.

  • Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.

  • It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.

  • Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.

  • Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind.

  • They don t care.

  • What they care about is you.

  • Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one.

  • Listen.

  • Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you're not learning."

  • It takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation.

  • You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place.

  • One more rule, number 10, and it's this one: Be brief.

  • All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people.

  • I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly can, I keep my mind open, and I'm always prepared to be amazed, and I'm never disappointed.

  • You do the same thing.

  • Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.

Now, I make my living talking to people.

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A2 US TED people mind conversation terrified care

The keys to a great conversation | Celeste Headlee

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    nanako.kamiya posted on 2021/05/18
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