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  • So, uh, last night I was driving home, and I stopped at a convenience store, and I like them, I like them.

  • 'Cause they have all kinds of things there, and they have every magazine you'd want, and here's what you can do, too. Here's a tip.

  • You can stand there in the store and read all the magazines for free.

  • You don't have to buy them. You just read them while you're there, and then with the money that I save, I buy my lotto tickets, my booze, and my bus pass.

  • Yeah... so... I'm always thinking.

  • And when I was in there, I noticed that the fountain drink station.

  • Have you noticed the fountain... Do you get your drinks there? Anybody?

  • Okay well, if you do, or you don't, here's what I've noticed, right here. I'd like to show you something.

  • Um, I can't believe this. I really can't.

  • This is the smallest cup that they have, right here.

  • That! You see my hand? You see the size of this?

  • This is the Gulp. It's twenty ounces. It's almost as much as two cans of soda, alright?

  • I ordered an orange juice in a hotel this size. It was two hundred dollars.

  • Giant! Alright, but that's how they get you, because this is 69 cents.

  • Now, and why would you get... For ten cents more you get double the size. You get the Big Gulp, right here.

  • First of all... This is crazy!

  • And it would never fit under my jacket when I'm sneaking it into the movie theater.

  • And, why on Earth would anybody want this much soda, when they could have THIS much soda?

  • I call this three-weeks-in-the-desert.

  • It's ridiculous! This is insane! I am not joking about any of these.

  • You know our stomachsby the way, in case you don't know thisour stomachs are the size of our fist. That's really how large our stomachs are.

  • I can fit my entire arm!

  • If you drink this much Coke, it's about 800 calories.

  • And I guess why... the 7-11 symbol means, if you drink this much, you're gonna gain somewhere between 7 and 11 pounds.

  • This is huge! Look how much bigger this is. I brought my regular drink in.

  • This is so much bigger than the size...

  • And I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "Ellen, I only get coffee there." Well, they have a cup for you too.

  • You think this is a joke. It is not a joke.

  • This is a coffee mug. It's called the Ultimate Gulp.

  • How tired are you that it takes you this much coffee to wake up?

  • This is bigger than my head! The size of this... look at the size of this! Huge!

  • Walking around sipping this like...

  • Wouldn't you be embarrassed to walk in... "Sorry, I'm late Judy"

  • "I needed to grab a gallon of coffee real quick on the way."

  • And this is... this is a... Like some people use their mugs on their desk to put their pens in and store their things.

  • You can put a fax machine in here.

  • This is insane! I don't know what's happening to people that they need this much liquid.

  • The only pick-me-up I ever need is dancing.

So, uh, last night I was driving home, and I stopped at a convenience store, and I like them, I like them.

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