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So, uh, last night I was driving home,
and I stopped at a convenience store, and I like them, I like them.
'Cause they have all kinds of things there, and they have every magazine you'd want,
and here's what you can do, too. Here's a tip.
You can stand there in the store and read all the magazines for free.
You don't have to buy them.
You just read them while you're there, and then with the money that I save,
I buy my lotto tickets, my booze, and my bus pass.
Yeah... so...
I'm always thinking.
And when I was in there, I noticed that the fountain drink station.
Have you noticed the fountain... Do you get your drinks there? Anybody?
Okay well, if you do or you don't, here's what I've noticed, right here.
I'd like to show you something.
Um, I can't believe this. I really can't.
This is the smallest cup that they have, right here.
That! You see my hand? You see the size of this?
This is the Gulp. It's twenty ounces.
It's almost as much as two cans of soda, alright?
I ordered an orange juice in a hotel this size. It was two hundred dollars.
Alright, but that's how they get you, because this is 69 cents.
Now, and why would you get...
For ten cents more you get double the size.
You get the Big Gulp, right here.
First of all...
This is crazy!
And it would never fit under my jacket when I'm sneaking it into the movie theater.
And, why on Earth would anybody want this much soda, when they could have THIS much soda?
I call this three-weeks-in-the-desert.
It's ridiculous! This is insane!
I am not joking about any of these.
You know our stomachs, by the way, in case you don't know this, our stomachs are the size of our fist.
That's really how large our stomachs are.
I can fit my entire arm.
If you drink this much Coke, it's about 800 calories.
And I guess why... the 7-11 symbol means, if you drink this much, you're gonna gain somewhere between 7 and 11 pounds.
This is huge! Look how much bigger this is.
I brought my regular drink in.
This is so much bigger than the size...
And I know what you're thinking.
You're saying, "Ellen, I only get coffee there."
Well, they have a cup for you too.
You think this is a joke. It is not a joke.
This is a coffee mug. It's called the Ultimate Gulp.
How tired are you that it takes you this much coffee to wake up?
This is bigger than my head! The size of this... look at the size of this!
You're walking around sipping this like...
Wouldn't you be embarrassed to walk in... "Sorry, I'm late Judy"
"I needed to grab a gallon of coffee real quick on the way."
And this is... this is a...
Like some people use their mugs on their desk to put their pens in and store their things.
You can put a fax machine in here.
This is insane!
I don't know what's happening to people that they need this much liquid.
The only pick-me-up I ever need is dancing.
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Memorable Monologue: Cup Sizes

106643 Folder Collection
Colin Lin published on August 25, 2015    Colin Lin translated    Anni reviewed
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